COMMITTING TO MAKE THE BEST OF CHANGE

Simone Biles, the highly decorated American gymnast from the 2016 Summer Olympics (gold medals in floor exercise, horse vault, individual all-around, and team all-around and a bronze medal in balance beam), competed in Season 24 of Dancing With the Stars (DWTS) which is a reality show where celebrities partner with professional dancers and compete against each other in weekly elimination rounds to determine the “Mirror Ball” winner.

On the semi-final episode of the show, viewers were given the opportunity to get to know each contestant through a brief biographical segment. Simone and her parents talked about her interest in gymnastics and how once she made a decision to be in the Olympics, she become totally committed to making that happen.

Have you ever made a commitment?  A promise to do something that obligates you to carry out a course of action?  Had a strong sense of intention or focus?  If you have then you, like Simone, worked very hard to fulfill that promise.  Working to fulfill a commitment influences how we think, how we act, and how we sound.  And this is exactly why when change enters our life, especially unexpected change, committing to make the best of it helps us successfully deal with the change.

Extraordinary energy, concentrated power and sheer will. This is the potent mix required to break barriers and reach the pinnacle of success.

OUR THOUGHTS

Just making the commitment gives us the desire to accept and work through the change. While we may not like what has happened to us, we tell ourselves that we will make it work for us; we will make the best of it. This mindset prepares us to seek information, ask questions, or shed some light on what has happened in order to appropriately deal with it.

Committing to make the best of the change gives us the confidence to deal with the consequences of the change.  We tell ourselves:  “I will do this.”  “I can do this.”  “I will make this work.”  This confidence helps us think positively about the change, about our role and actions in the changed environment, and about ourselves in general.

Our commitment will also help us think divergently and creatively when dealing with things in the changed environment. “How can I accomplish this?” becomes a standard way of thinking.

OUR ACTIONS

When we commit ourselves to something, we try harder to fulfill that commitment.  We don’t let much of anything get in our way.  Giving up is not an option – we persist; we persevere.  We become disciplined and focused in our pursuit of what we want to accomplish.  We are willing to make personal sacrifices for a positive outcome.

Our commitment gives us the courage to step outside of our comfort zone which is important because outside of that zone is where learning and growth occur.  Outside the comfort zone we may face challenges, but being committed to make it in the changed environment gives us confidence which helps us stand up to those challenges.  Because we are more likely to think divergently or creatively, we are also going to be better able to seek solutions to any challenges or obstacles we may face.  We will probably be more willing to take some risks in working through challenges or overcoming obstacles.

HOW WE SOUND

When we make a commitment to make the best of change, what we say and how we say it is upbeat and full of enthusiasm.  Our optimism shines through.  Positive words and phrases are frequently heard. This positive focus is also carried through to our thoughts and actions.

DISPLAYING COMMITMENT

According to Daryl Conner (chairman of Conner Partners, an Atlanta, Georgia USA-based consulting firm that specializes in transformational implementation) there are five ways we display commitment:

1. Invest resources such as time and energy to ensure the desired outcome.
2. Pursue the goal consistently over time, even when under stress.
3. Reject ideas that promise short-term benefits but are inconsistent with the overall strategy for goal achievement.
4. Stand fast in the face of adversity, remaining determined and focused in the quest for the desire goal.
5. Apply creativity, ingenuity, and resourcefulness to resolving problems or issues that would otherwise block the achievement of the goal.

We know change will be a constant in our life’s journey.  Committing to make the best of change puts us in control of the change instead of the change controlling us. This is where we want to be. We want to be calling the shots.

So, the next time change comes knocking on your door, instead of slamming the door in its face, open the door, take time to understand what the change is all about, and then commit to making the best of it.  While we may not be Olympians or dancing stars, we will be the best that we can be in our changed environment.

‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE A CHANGE

(A special blog post done with due respect to Clement C. Moore and Major Henry Livingston Jr.)

 

‘Twas the night before a change, when all through my mind,

So many thoughts were stirring of the unsettling kind;

Fear, doubt, and uncertainty began to take hold,

Life outside my comfort zone was about to unfold.

 

I had been nestled all snug in my bed,    

When visions of ‘what might be’ danced in my head;

The scary unknown, my confidence it did snap,

My comfy routine this change would just zap.

 

When all of a sudden I heard all this chatter,   

Not sure what it meant; did it even matter?

I crept to the window, nothing near to a dash,

So nervous was I all my teeth they did gnash.

 

Outside was ablaze in a warm golden glow

The sight of which caused my unsettling thoughts to slow.

What could create this moment of less fear?

Bringing to me a glimpse of good cheer.

 

 

The path of change had been like a slippery slope, 

But that warm golden glow, it filled me with much HOPE.

Slowly, very slowly calm thoughts I did reclaim,

As HOPE sprang eternal and did thus proclaim:

 

 

“Now, THINK! Now LAUGH! Now DREAM and PERSIST!  

Be POSITIVE! Be RESILIENT! And nay-sayers do RESIST!

To the top of your mind! Through every fiber of your being!

Doing these things will make those unsettling thoughts go a fleeing!”

 

 

 

 

 

This journey called life is no piece of cake, 

But what is given to you, the best you must make,

Change will always happen; that is a given,

But it is by HOPE that you must always be driven.

 

 

 

HOPE that when change brings an end to something you love, 

You let go, grieve, accept, move on and rise above.

Roam that wilderness of new, of uncertainty, and doubt;

‘Cause new ideas and discoveries will soon start to sprout.

 

 

 

HOPE that what appears to be the end isn’t that at all,

But really a new beginning giving you a call;

And your vision of how you want things to be,

Provides purpose and meaning; more clearly you’ll see.

 

 

 

 

 

HOPE that by thinking in a creative, divergent way, 

You can cope with all the newness that has entered the fray.

With change, the same as before may not work;

So a new style of thinking may be a perk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOPE that risk taking gives your courage a boost,

Thoughts of nothing ventured, nothing gained rule the roost;

Mistakes you won’t fear, but from them you’ll learn,

Opportunities they bring; gifts you don’t return.

 

 

 

HOPE that your mindset is flexible and free,

So all options before you, you can see;

Sure, change is different but nothing to fear or dread,

“I can do this” thoughts need to reverberate in your head;

 

 

HOPE that being positive keeps the negative at bay,

Making it easier to deal with whatever comes your way,

Filling you with energy, drive, and desire,

Dealing with any change like a live wire;

 

 

 

 

 

HOPE puts fear, doubt, uncertainty in their place,

Allowing you to face this change with much grace;

In that warm glow of HOPE myself I did enfold,

Knowing in days to come by change I won’t be controlled!

 

May whatever 2016 brings your way, may you always hold HOPE close in your heart. For as Desmond Tutu said, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”

 

 

ON YOUR MARK, GET SET, GET SET, GET SET …

In her 2014 Christmas letter, my friend Beth wrote, “Thank you for the cards and letters throughout the year and the tips for dealing with challenges on your blog. You make very good points but it is difficult at times to put them into practice… .” Beth brings up a very good and valid point, one on which I have been thinking ever since getting her letter. I want the strategies and techniques for dealing with change to be of use to you. So, for anyone like Beth who may find it difficult at times to put those “tips” into practice, this week’s post is for you.

I titled this week’s post, “on your mark, get set, get set, get set …” because that is how it must feel when you are ready to do something, but just can’t get going. You are on your mark and you are all set to go, but the ‘go’ just won’t cooperate. It is like being in a holding pattern. Ever been on an airplane that had to go into a holding pattern?   Something interfered with the normal course of events in the flight causing it to have to circle and circle and circle the friendly sky until the source of the interference went away.

Holding patterns are frustrating. The inability to deal with change in a way one may want to can also be frustrating. So, how do we deal with that frustration? How do we move from on our mark, from get set to GO?

If we haven’t accepted the change, that is a place to start. We must be committed to dealing with or making the best of whatever has changed. (I won’t go into details here about how one accepts the change because that is the topic of the January 19 blog post.)

It is also good to touch base with our emotions. How we feel about the change is what really matters. Our emotions will drive our reaction to the change which will drive our ability (or inability) to face it, deal with it, learn from it, grow from it, accept it, and move forward from it. Any emotional response is fine; there is no good or bad; no right or wrong.  However, emotions that prevent you from moving forward, from getting you to move from ‘set’ to ‘go,’ must be dealt with. It is OK to be sad or angry or disappointed or fearful about a change, but at some point, we must move on from that.

At some point, we have to take control over any emotion that doesn’t allow us to move forward. (And, again, the topic of emotional responses to change is one with which we will deal in depth in future posts this year. But, I will say now that to change how we feel about something or how we react to something, we must change how we think about it.)

It isn’t only our emotional response to a change that may prevent us from moving forth. Our habits and our thinking that “it’s always been done this way and it’s always been fine” may also interfere with our ability to implement strategies and techniques to deal with the change.   Albert Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” So, we need to be open to other ways of looking at, of thinking about what we are facing with the change.

You are saying, “Becky, I am fine with the change. My emotions are in check. I am willing to think creatively and out-of-the-box, but I still find it difficult to put the strategies and techniques into practice!” I hear you. And, to this, I say, “Take things one step at a time.” While we have covered 35 strategies and many, many techniques, by no means are all the strategies and techniques meant to be used at the same time. We must be judicious in picking and choosing which strategies or which techniques fit the situation we are facing. In my book, I relay a few stories of caretaking for my mother when she was dying. There are three strategies that I used to help me deal with the change in my mom’s health and her death: relationships (I relied on conversations with my close friends to help me keep my emotions in check, keep things in perspective, and to keep me grounded); sense of humor (my mom was a trooper in making both of us smile by frequently using her wit and sense of humor); and, ending something/learn to let go (allowing myself to go through the steps of the grieving process so that I could move forward).

We may have to take baby steps in moving forward with the change or in the changed environment. Just knowing that there are ways to deal with how we are feeling or what we are facing is a good start. Assess your situation. Assess how you feel. Check over the list of strategies and techniques and if nothing else choose one that will help you move beyond, move forth. Commit to putting that strategy or technique into practice at least once a day. Add other strategies and techniques that may fit the situation, but do so only when or if you need to.

Sometimes it is a matter of just “taking the plunge.” There are those who advocate that jumping into a body of water and totally immersing oneself in the water is the easiest way to get acclimated to the water. The same philosophy may work with putting a change strategy or technique into practice: take the plunge and just do it. Pick a strategy or technique that fits the situation and just do it. If that helps you deal with what the change threw your way, great. If you are still not ‘acclimated’ to the change, choose another strategy or technique and immerse yourself in that. Continue until you find something that helps you get acclimated to the change in your world.

Change has a way of rocking our world. Sometimes, that change is something we want and so we feel comfortable with it from the start and the rocking of our world is a good thing. But, when the change shifts us too far out of our comfort zone and we can’t get comfortable with it or we have difficulty accepting it, we must proactively take steps to deal with it. Doe Zantamata writes, “You are always with you, every moment of every day. But how well do you know yourself? Do you only find out what you like, love, or even dislike as a response to what happens every day? Making time for yourself, whether it be through journaling, meditation, or time spent alone in a peaceful setting helps you to become centered. Becoming centered brings your peace inside rather than at the whim of what happens on the outside. Get to know, love, and accept yourself, an that inner peace will transform every moment of your outside world for good.”

When change is approaching or has entered your life, take time to center yourself and allow that inner peace to help you develop the strength, the mindset, and desire to face the change head on. Allow that inner peace to guide you in working through the change and in putting into practice the strategies and techniques that will help you ‘face the sunshine and avoid the shadows’ in your changed world.

THE KEY TO SUCCESS IS OFTEN THE ABILITY TO ADAPT

Having an outlet for emotions, especially negative emotions, was the focus of last week’s post. Since change makes something different, we often have an emotional response to the change: surprise, indifference; hope, fear; happiness, sadness; gratitude, anger; joy, grief; relief, frustration; love, hate. While our reaction to change should be based on logic, in reality, our first reaction is usually an emotional one. Oftentimes one’s refusal to change or accept the change is because of an emotional attachment to what was; to the past.

So, this week, I want to explore the importance of adapting in times of change. Simply put, to adapt is to change to fit a new environment or different conditions. Actor and martial artist Bruce Lee said, “Empty your mind. Be formless. Shapeless. Like water. You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. You put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

What Lee is emphasizing here is the flexibility, the adaptability of water. Water has no set form or shape; it conforms to, it adapts to whatever container it is put in. This is a perfect example for a life skill we should all strive for: the ability to adapt to change. Along with adaptability comes flexibility. Flexibility means you avoid rigidity. Think of our ancestors.   They had to adapt to new conditions. They faced perils from nature, disease, constant threats of attacks and more. Yet, they survived due to their ability to embrace flexibility and adaptability. As Charles Darwin says, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”

Charles Darwin

Being able to adapt is difficult for most humans, and the reason for this is because humans are creatures of habit; having to change our patterns and behaviors is frustrating and annoying. We would really simply prefer to keep doing things the old way, since this allows us to stay in our comfort zone. And, while we may feel safe and secure in our comfort zone, in the long run, this may not be what is best for us. There are times when we must accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. Never forget, just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly!

Doe Zantamata”s philosophy is, “If you were to open the front door and see that it had started raining, you wouldn’t slam it and curse the clouds because it was sunny just an hour before. You’d get an umbrella, and be on your way. Part of embracing change in life, is knowing that you will be able to adapt. There is a comfort in the familiar, but new things can be better than before, or, the change may even only be temporary. When faced with change that’s not in your control, adapt, and be on your way.”

One of the things we all have in common, no matter what stage of life we’re at, is change; it is always constant. Children have to adjust to new schools and teachers, teenagers and young adults must adapt to college and first loves, adults must learn how to deal with marriage and careers, and older folks must acclimate to empty nests and retirement. No matter our age, we all have to cope with things like death, sickness, coming and going of people, changing seasons, and other unavoidable evolutions. Adapting to changes in life is a skill we all must learn.  So, how can you adapt to change?

Think differently. Albert Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” Dealing with the unexpected is one of the most difficult things anyone can face. The unexpected moves us out of our comfort zone before we realize what is happening. When faced with the unforeseen, traditional or logical thinking may not provide us with the best option to deal with the situation. We may be better served thinking creatively or divergently.

Divergent thinking means walking to the beat of a different drummer. Following the crowd isn’t always the best strategy when dealing with change. The best visual for this is a cartoon where a group of lemmings is running toward a body of water and to certain death, except for one lemming who has an inner tube wrapped around him. He can be viewed as a divergent thinker; one who assessed the situation and came up with a unique solution to his predicament.

Practice kaleidoscopic thinking. Albert Einstein also said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. When faced with change and transition that present major differences, what worked in the old may not work in the new. In a changed environment, when we start “getting down on ourselves” because things just aren’t working out, they may not be working out because we are doing what Anthony Robbins indicates, “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

Rosabeth Moss Kanter’s kaleidoscopic thinking provides a wonderful model for a new style of thinking; for thinking and approaching decision making differently especially when adapting to change. She says, “Creativity is a lot like looking at the world through a kaleidoscope. You look at a set of elements, the same ones everyone else sees, but then reassemble those floating bits and pieces into an enticing new possibility. The notion of forming new patterns from existing information or resources is so simple, yet something we might not normally consider doing.

Think outside the box. To think outside the box, outside the traditional, forces us to look at common things and see something different or use a different mindset to solve issues facing us in the changed environment. And, when we think in this manner, we are thinking in an “adapted” way. When we think in this way, we are being innovative, giving us a way of thinking that questions and challenges prevailing thought and opens us up to numerous solutions rather than just the way something has always been done.   Innovativeness permits us to exceed our own expectations. When we are innovative, we are creative. When we are creative, we think “outside the box;” we use our imagination. Thinking or acting in an innovative way and with a purpose may be just what it takes to propel us through the change and its transitions to a new beginning.

Be resourceful and innovative.  Resourcefulness is about optimizing what you have to work with.   Innovation is not just about creating something new; it also applies to making old things work better. Using one’s imagination can help make adaptations when necessary. Imagination makes it possible to experience a whole world inside the mind. It gives the ability to look at any situation from a different point of view, and enables one to mentally explore the past and the future. Imagination is a creative power that is necessary for dealing with change.

Remove the negative options. If something bad happens, your subconscious mind searches for the available questions and answers. You need to remove such negative options of getting disappointed or becoming depressed, if the change isn’t as you wanted it to be.

Maya Angelou says, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” Remove negative thoughts and doubts, be optimistic, and you will find that you are able to adapt to the changes in your life more easily.

Change the way you approach the situation. Confucius says, “When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” When the changed situation overwhelms you, avoid feeling bad. Rather, try to change the way you approach the situation. Try to work harder, study more, be flexible, think from a new angle, and start all over again.

Let’s remember Bruce Lee’s advice, “Empty your mind. Be formless. Shapeless. Like water. You put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle. You put water into a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.” Try being as adaptable as water the next time you are faced with a change. You may just find it a lot easier to manage and negotiate whatever the change is presenting you.

LESSONS LEARNED FROM MacGYVER ABOUT DEALING WITH THE CHALLENGES OF CHANGE

To date this month, we’ve been focusing on strategies which help us think differently in times of change and transition. We’ve covered irreverent thinking, a new style of thinking or thinking beyond the conventional, and innovative thinking. This week we shift focus to the quality of ingenuity (or the quality of being resourceful). But, because ingenuity often requires creative thinking, it provides a new transition strategy for the skills set we are developing for staying sane and positive amid change.

Ingenuity is defined as the quality of being clever, original, inventive, and resourceful. Ingenuity is a component in the process of applying ideas to solve problems or meet challenges (just what we need to be doing in times of change and transition).

Many of you will recall the television show MacGyver, about a guy whom I consider a model for ingenious solutions to challenging situations. He routinely disarmed bombs with paperclips and used gum wrappers to fix fuses. While most of what MacGyver did seems far-fetched, there is a lot to be said for his out-of-the-box, unconventional, divergent thinking.

How can the quality of ingenuity or being resourceful help in times of change? When things change, they become different. Some changes are so major that our world gets rocked and we lose our comfort zone. How things were done or accomplished prior to the change may not work in the new environment. Being ingenious, being resourceful means that we have the ability to approach the new, the changed in different ways; we can pursue solutions from more than one direction.

Resourcefulness is about optimizing what you have to work with. It is not just about creating something new; it also applies to making old things work better or work to your advantage. Imagination plays a HUGE role in being ingenious and resourceful. Imagination is the ability to form a mental image of something that is not perceived through the senses. It is the ability of the mind to build mental scenes, objects or events that do not exist, are not present or have happened in the past.

I had to be very ingenious and resourceful when I once lost one of my dad’s favorite fishing lures. When my parents retired, they did so to a small community in the NW corner of Pennsylvania. Close to their property was a fishing pond that everyone in the area could enjoy. After casting with my dad’s favorite lure, I sat back to await the tug of a fish on the line. Instead of a fish, I snagged a bunch of weeds and got the lure hopelessly tangled in the weeds. Not wanting to tell my dad what happened (although the veteran fisherman that he was, he would have understood), I decided to try and retrieve the lure. The lure was too far out for me to walk and get it (and the water was too cold to think about swimming for the lure). There wasn’t a rowboat in the area. BUT, there was an old mortar box near the lake. So, I turned the mortar box into a boat, used a stick as a paddle, and “rowed” on out to the weed patch and the lure.

It wasn’t long before I figured out that someone must have abandoned the mortar box – water was filling the bottom from numerous holes and cracks. I was persistent and continued to venture to the bunch of weeds where I did successfully retrieve the lure. I also had luck on my side as I made it back to shore (more wet than when I started) safely. And, I arrived back with the lure. Resourcefulness/ingenuity saved the day and my dad’s lure.

Imagination gives us the ability to look at any situation from a different point of view. A few hours each week, I work in the Scott Township Jazzercise Fitness Center’s child care room with young children. One day, I had several girls who wanted to be doctors. They were very resourceful in creating an environment for this.   Under a table served as the hospital emergency room. Chairs were lined up for the patients. A mat was placed on the floor and served as the bed. Items from the Craftsman work bench were transformed into medical supplies: Philips-head screw drivers were syringes; pliers became stethoscopes; the vice, a blood pressure device. (And when the goggles and tool belt went on when one of the girls was going to perform surgery, I had to stifle a hearty laugh!)

Imagination is a creative power that helps with doing just about anything. It is a creative power critical to tap into in times of change. In times of change, channeling our inner child and our MacGyver may propel us to satisfying solutions.

How can we develop MacGyver’s ingenuity or our inner child’s imagination? Try these techniques:

1.  Give yourself the “third degree.” Ask:

Is there another way to get what I want?

Is the desired result really the best result?

Who else has information that might help me?

What is something very similar to what I need that might also work?

Who is the expert in this area?

Is there more than one way to look at or deal with the issue?

What would someone I admire do in this same situation? (WWMD- What Would MacGyver Do?)

2.  Maintain an open mind. Being open minded about new possibilities is critical to implementing resourcefulness. Develop a curiosity about things. Expose yourself to new ideas and new experiences. 

3. Develop resourceful habits. Consider alternate uses for an object before throwing it out. Redecorate a room using things you already have. Recycle old calendar pages to create personalized cards.

4. Question tradition and habits. Sometimes the way something is always done (habits, traditions, learned rules) can be a “block” to being ingenious or resourceful. Sometimes creativity requires us to go beyond the conventional.

5. “Don’t worry…be happy”As the song says, “Don’t worry…be happy.” The more relaxed you are, the better you will be able to think creatively. Take the stress and pressure off yourself.

6. Don’t reinvent the wheel Look for a solution that someone else has already created. Start there and tweak what is out there to fit your needs.

7. Make your network work for you. Build and maintain a network of people you can call on for questions and support.

Being ingenious, being resourceful will help you avoid, as Einstein says, the insanity of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. It will give you an edge in problem solving and in meeting challenges. It will be of particular help if you are “roaming the wilderness” (see the June 16 blog post).   If you haven’t used your imagination in a while, haven’t had to be resourceful, you might just surprise yourself with your actions and the outcome!