BE A BEACON OF JOY

Becky, you ask, what do you mean by be a beacon of joy?  Well, a beacon is something that acts as a signal.  Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.  So when I say be a beacon of joy, I am saying that to those around us, we should serve as one who sends out vibrations of positivity, happiness, bliss, glee, and delight.  Just as a lighthouse sends out light, a beacon, to guide maritime travelers toward safety, we should send out our “light” to help others navigate toward positivity and joy, steering around feelings of despair, discouragement, and distress.

Just how do we go about being beacons of joy?  We can:

• Act with kindness in words, deeds, and reflection, making those around us feel good and making them want to reciprocate the feeling.

• Share our smile with others, making them smile too.

• Release our inner, joyful child, demonstrating how happiness flows from within. 

• Concentrate on positive self-talk, replacing negative thoughts and words with positive ones and encouraging others to do the same.

• Look on the bright side; for the positive in life, role modeling to others how to see the positive in challenging situations and how to use both the positive and challenging as a learning experience.

• Approach each day with an attitude of gratitude, counting our blessings and being grateful for what we have and showing others how to do the same.

• Make someone else feel good about them, letting them know how much they are valued and appreciated.

• Create a day of optimism, choosing to be upbeat and positive all day and sharing that optimism with those around us.

• Go with the flow of life, dealing with challenges and changes in a healthy, productive manner, showing others how it is done.

• Live a meaningful life, making the most of every moment in every day, giving others something for which to strive toward.

• Look at the consequences of a less-than-positive attitude, seeking ways to avoid a negative spiral and turning things around and sharing the benefit in doing so.

• Reframe situations that may create a bad mood or attitude, changing the way we look at something and responding (not reacting) to the situation in a more constructive way and showing others the benefit of doing so.

• Avoid the energy vampires, showing others how steering clear of those who suck the energy and joy from us will help will restore their reserve of positivity and happiness.

Jonathan Lockwood Huie (author and “philosopher of happiness”) said, “You don’t have the power to make life “fair,” but you do have the power to make life joyful.”  We can do our part to make life joyful by being beacons of joy.  Our joyful spirit can be the “fire” that lights us up and keeps us moving forward in the face of difficulties. It lifts us up when the situation looks dark, and it energizes us when we are tired.  If we are beacons of joy, we can do the same for those around us.  We can brighten the lives of others by having our “light” help them navigate toward positivity and joy, steering around feelings of despair, discouragement, and distress.  When we choose to channel our joyful inner spirit and release that light that does shine within all of us, we might just be amazed at what this powerful energy can do for us let alone those around us!

THE IMPACT WE HAVE ON OTHERS

One of my all-time favorite classic movies is Good Morning, Miss Dove.  This film, made in 1955, is about a schoolteacher and the reflections she has on her life and former students.  These reflections take place while Miss Dove is in the hospital and are triggered by former students who work at the hospital or who come to visit her upon hearing the news of her hospitalization.  A commonality among all her former students’ comments is the positive influence Miss Dove had on their lives.

Shortly after watching the movie, I came across the following story which echoed the theme the movie – never underestimate the impact we have on others:

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember well the polished old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the wooden box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but would listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

I came to realize that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person with the name “Information Please,” and there was nothing she did not know. I overheard my father saying to my mother that “Information Please” could supply anybody’s number and even give you the correct time of the day.

My first personal experience with this “genie-in-the-bottle” came one day while dad was at work and my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible, but there didn’t seem to be any reason for crying because there was no one at home to give me sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger. Finally, arriving at the stairway, I saw…the telephone!

Quickly I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver and held it to my ear. “Information Please!” I spoke desperately into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two later, a small, clear voice spoke into my ear:  “Information,” she answered.

“I hurt my finger…” I wailed into the phone. The tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.

“Isn’t your mother home?” came the question.

“Nobody’s home but me,” I blubbered.

“Are you bleeding?”

“No,” I replied. “I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.”

“Can you open your icebox?” she asked. I said I could. “Then chip off a little piece of ice and hold it to your finger,” said the voice.

I did what she said and my finger stopped hurting!

After that, I called “Information Please” for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was located. She helped me with my math. She told me that my pet chipmunk, which I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruits and nuts.

Then, there was the time when Petey, our pet canary, died. I called “Information” and told her the sad story. She listened then said the usual things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was unconsoled. I asked her, “Why is it that birdies should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up in a heap?” She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, “Paul, always remember that there is another world to sing in.” Somehow, I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone again. “Information please,” I spoke into the receiver.

“Information,” said the now familiar voice.

“How do you spell ‘fix’?” I queried.

All of these conversations took place on the phone in my childhood home in a small town in the Pacific Northwest.

When I was 9 years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. I longed to say, “Information Please,” into that old wooden box back home, and somehow I never thought of trying the tall, shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall.

As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often, in the moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, I had to stop at the airport in Seattle. I had a half hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then, out of the blue, I decided to dial my hometown operator and found myself saying, “Information Please.”

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well. “Information,” she replied.” I hadn’t planned this, but heard myself saying, “Could you please tell me how to spell, ‘fix’?”

There was a long pause. Then came the soft-spoken answer, “I guess your finger must have healed by now.”

I laughed. “So it’s really still you,” I said. “I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time.”

“I wonder,” she said, “if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children, and I used to look forward to your calls.”

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.  “Please do,” she said. “Just ask for Sally.”

Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered, “Information.” I asked for Sally.  “Are you a friend?” she asked.

“Yes, a very old friend,” I answered.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” she said. “Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago.” Before I could hang up she said, “Wait a minute. Did you say your name was Paul?”

“Yes.”

“Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you. The note says, ‘Tell him I still say there is another world to sing in. He’ll know what I mean.'”

I thanked her and hung up the phone. I knew what Sally meant.

Both Miss Dove and “Information Please” (aka Sally) took time to be helpful, caring, and kind when the opportunity to do so presented itself.  What may seem small or insignificant to us may have a huge impact on others.  Every day we make lifelong impressions on others.  As Jane Goodall (English primatologist and anthropologist) said, “You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”  Indeed, it is our choice as to what kind of difference we make.  We should ensure that our words and deeds leave impressions that are meaningful and helpful so the difference we make in the world is a positive one.

LIFE’S SECRET IS PATIENCE

Those of you who regularly follow this blog know that a pair of bald eagles – Hope and Joy – live in a tree at the edge of my rural Pennsylvania property.  Eagle watching has become a favorite past time, especially this time of year when I watch for Hope and Joy to begin the nesting process which signals that eggs have been laid and eaglets will be born in about 35 days.

In past years, Hope and Joy nested anytime between January 29 and February 3.  As I write this on February 10, there is still no sign of nesting.  Now, I well know that the eagles will lay eggs when they are ready and that I must be patient and just let nature run its course.  And, in being patient, I must wait calmly without attributing anything to the delay in nesting.

Patience is a wonderful quality for each of us to have in our life skills ‘tool box.’ However, as wonderful as it is, it is a quality that is difficult for the best of us to practice on a consistent basis.  It is difficult to proceed calmly when waiting for something to happen or when faced with a difficult or frustrating situation.  Despite all that, patience is essential to our daily life; it is a key to success in life. Without patience, we will constantly be annoyed, frustrated, angry, or upset.  Without patience, we may give up too soon or quit something altogether.  Without patience it is easy to get stuck and not move forward. 

To keep our sanity and to remain relatively stress free, it benefits us to practice intrapersonal (dealing with life’s daily problems and struggles) and interpersonal patience (dealing with annoying people in a calm and cool manner) on a daily basis.  If, on a daily basis, we take things in stride, we are more likely to be more satisfied with life, happier, calmer, and in a position to keep moving forward in a positive manner.  Courageous patience (involves waiting out life’s hardships without frustration or despair) is most definitely needed in times of change, especially unexpected or wanted change.  This type of patience gives us the stamina to stay the course over the ‘long haul’ and gives us hope that things will work out for the best. 

Good things do come to those who wait.  Some benefits of having patience include:

• Achieving goals.  
• Surmounting obstacles. 
• Appreciating successes more.
• Becoming a better decision maker. 
• Having stronger and more positive relationships.  
• Building empathy.
• Bringing out the best in us.
• Giving us peace of mind.
• Experiencing better mental and physical health. 

For those of you who are shaking your heads agreeing with the importance and value of patience but who are also saying, “I am just not a patient person” all is not lost.  There are some things we all can do to strengthen our ability to be more patient.  These include:

• Recognizing that we can’t control everything nor do we have control over much of what happens around us.
• Learning to identify feelings and triggers that tend to have us lose our patience.
• Accepting whatever comes our way.
• Managing emotions and reactions.
• Practicing meditation.
• Practicing mindfulness.
• Prioritizing what is important.
• Becoming an active listener.
• Slowing down.
• Remaining hopeful.

American author David G. Allen says, “Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in your mind.”   This is wonderful advice when we are trying to be patient (certainly true of me and “my eagles.”  We must remember that being impatient doesn’t make things happen any faster; it only frustrates us.  When we come across situations on our life journey that don’t happen according to our plan or the image in our mind, we must view them as opportunities to learn and practice patience. If we can do this, we will be able to reap all the positive benefits this wonderful quality has to offer.

HOW TO GET YOUR DAILY DOSE OF HAPPINESS

Happiness is one of those emotions that means different things to different people.  For most, it is that emotional or mental state of well-being that is characterized by positive or pleasant emotions such as joy and contentment.  As Abraham Lincoln (American lawyer, politician, and statesman who served as the 16th president of the United States) said “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”   Happiness is indeed a state of mind and is a ‘state’ most of us love experiencing. And happiness is indeed something we experience. It isn’t something we can buy, but rather, it is something that we feel.

There is no magic potion for happiness but there are some things we all can do that can help give us a daily dose of happiness, things like:

• Appreciating and enjoying the present moment.  Maintaining balance in our present moment goes a long way in appreciating the happy and joyful moments that each day does contain.
• Taking things in stride. 
• Making memories and investing in experiences (instead of material things).  Take time to do things that make our hearts smile and activities that bring joy to our lives.
• Cultivating a state of mind in which our thinking is positive and pleasant.
• Letting go of things that are no longer good for us.
• Freeing our heart from hatred and our mind from worries.
• Blocking out negative chatter especially the  harsh words of others.  
• Avoiding dwelling on negative thoughts.  Acknowledge and confront negative thoughts but don’t let them overwhelm or take over.
• Being responsive to people and situations instead of being reactive.
• Getting our giggle going.  Laughter does a body good!  Not only does it relieve stress, but it creates an optimistic mindset which goes a long way in helping us maintain a positive outlook.
• Sharing smiles with others.  The smile allows us to feel and think in a more positive way.
• Cultivating kindness in all we do.
• Having an attitude of gratitude by appreciating the smallest of blessings.
• Maintaining balance and harmony in our lives.
• Drawing upon our natural coping skills to keep us centered and help us minimize stress.
• Appreciating the little things in life so that moments of joy and contentment come easier.          
• Staying true to our values.  When our values and principles (like caring, compassion, hope, kindness, peace, wonder…) guide our behavior we are better able to maintain a balanced life which tends to keep us content and happy.
• Creating an inner circle filled with positive and encouraging people.
• Focusing on what is truly important.  Make a list of all the things that are most meaningful and begin to let go of “stuff” in life that doesn’t make the list.
• Making the most of all situations.  Despite any challenges, we can choose to be resilient and endure.  Overcoming a challenge makes us feel good!
• Leading a meaningful life by making the most of our natural gifts and talents.

Abraham Lincoln also said, “We can complain because rose bushes have thorns or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”   Inherent in Lincoln’s quote is choice.  And the same goes for happiness.  Happiness is a choice.  We can choose to focus on the roses or the thorns.  We can choose to let something get us down and rob us of our ability to feel happy or we can work through things so we can give ourselves a chance to feel happy.  No matter how hard, how challenging, how tough a situation gets, we always have the choice to be happy and to see the positive in what we are doing and where we are heading. 

Always remember that happiness is NOT determined by what goes on around us, but rather, by what is happening within us.    Happiness does live within each of us and we need to let it “out” and experience its joy and contentment every day.   We all have the ability to give ourselves a daily dose of happiness.  We just need to make it a priority to do so!