In her 2014 Christmas letter, my friend Beth wrote, “Thank you for the cards and letters throughout the year and the tips for dealing with challenges on your blog. You make very good points but it is difficult at times to put them into practice… .” Beth brings up a very good and valid point, one on which I have been thinking ever since getting her letter. I want the strategies and techniques for dealing with change to be of use to you. So, for anyone like Beth who may find it difficult at times to put those “tips” into practice, this week’s post is for you.
I titled this week’s post, “on your mark, get set, get set, get set …” because that is how it must feel when you are ready to do something, but just can’t get going. You are on your mark and you are all set to go, but the ‘go’ just won’t cooperate. It is like being in a holding pattern. Ever been on an airplane that had to go into a holding pattern? Something interfered with the normal course of events in the flight causing it to have to circle and circle and circle the friendly sky until the source of the interference went away.
Holding patterns are frustrating. The inability to deal with change in a way one may want to can also be frustrating. So, how do we deal with that frustration? How do we move from on our mark, from get set to GO?
If we haven’t accepted the change, that is a place to start. We must be committed to dealing with or making the best of whatever has changed. (I won’t go into details here about how one accepts the change because that is the topic of the January 19 blog post.)
It is also good to touch base with our emotions. How we feel about the change is what really matters. Our emotions will drive our reaction to the change which will drive our ability (or inability) to face it, deal with it, learn from it, grow from it, accept it, and move forward from it. Any emotional response is fine; there is no good or bad; no right or wrong. However, emotions that prevent you from moving forward, from getting you to move from ‘set’ to ‘go,’ must be dealt with. It is OK to be sad or angry or disappointed or fearful about a change, but at some point, we must move on from that.
At some point, we have to take control over any emotion that doesn’t allow us to move forward. (And, again, the topic of emotional responses to change is one with which we will deal in depth in future posts this year. But, I will say now that to change how we feel about something or how we react to something, we must change how we think about it.)
It isn’t only our emotional response to a change that may prevent us from moving forth. Our habits and our thinking that “it’s always been done this way and it’s always been fine” may also interfere with our ability to implement strategies and techniques to deal with the change. Albert Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” So, we need to be open to other ways of looking at, of thinking about what we are facing with the change.
You are saying, “Becky, I am fine with the change. My emotions are in check. I am willing to think creatively and out-of-the-box, but I still find it difficult to put the strategies and techniques into practice!” I hear you. And, to this, I say, “Take things one step at a time.” While we have covered 35 strategies and many, many techniques, by no means are all the strategies and techniques meant to be used at the same time. We must be judicious in picking and choosing which strategies or which techniques fit the situation we are facing. In my book, I relay a few stories of caretaking for my mother when she was dying. There are three strategies that I used to help me deal with the change in my mom’s health and her death: relationships (I relied on conversations with my close friends to help me keep my emotions in check, keep things in perspective, and to keep me grounded); sense of humor (my mom was a trooper in making both of us smile by frequently using her wit and sense of humor); and, ending something/learn to let go (allowing myself to go through the steps of the grieving process so that I could move forward).
We may have to take baby steps in moving forward with the change or in the changed environment. Just knowing that there are ways to deal with how we are feeling or what we are facing is a good start. Assess your situation. Assess how you feel. Check over the list of strategies and techniques and if nothing else choose one that will help you move beyond, move forth. Commit to putting that strategy or technique into practice at least once a day. Add other strategies and techniques that may fit the situation, but do so only when or if you need to.
Sometimes it is a matter of just “taking the plunge.” There are those who advocate that jumping into a body of water and totally immersing oneself in the water is the easiest way to get acclimated to the water. The same philosophy may work with putting a change strategy or technique into practice: take the plunge and just do it. Pick a strategy or technique that fits the situation and just do it. If that helps you deal with what the change threw your way, great. If you are still not ‘acclimated’ to the change, choose another strategy or technique and immerse yourself in that. Continue until you find something that helps you get acclimated to the change in your world.
Change has a way of rocking our world. Sometimes, that change is something we want and so we feel comfortable with it from the start and the rocking of our world is a good thing. But, when the change shifts us too far out of our comfort zone and we can’t get comfortable with it or we have difficulty accepting it, we must proactively take steps to deal with it. Doe Zantamata writes, “You are always with you, every moment of every day. But how well do you know yourself? Do you only find out what you like, love, or even dislike as a response to what happens every day? Making time for yourself, whether it be through journaling, meditation, or time spent alone in a peaceful setting helps you to become centered. Becoming centered brings your peace inside rather than at the whim of what happens on the outside. Get to know, love, and accept yourself, an that inner peace will transform every moment of your outside world for good.”
When change is approaching or has entered your life, take time to center yourself and allow that inner peace to help you develop the strength, the mindset, and desire to face the change head on. Allow that inner peace to guide you in working through the change and in putting into practice the strategies and techniques that will help you ‘face the sunshine and avoid the shadows’ in your changed world.
Author Becky Johnen 