LIFE IS ABOUT CREATING YOURSELF

Other than family, do you have someone in your life that you’ve known for what seems like forever?  I have two friends that I’ve known since I was six years old.  Our friendships span more than five decades so when I received a card from one of these friends, the front of which said, “live, love, laugh” and the inside read, “Life isn’t about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself,” I became reflective on those friendships. These friends and I went from young children in elementary school to adults living life with families and careers.  The quote from the inside of the card, which is by Anglo-Irish playwright and the 1925 winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature, George Bernard Shaw, describes the three of us. We weren’t about finding ourselves. We were all about creating ourselves.  With my friend who lived in the country, we spent countless hours creating play.  The porch swing became our space capsule. The pastures, creeks, and hillsides turned us into explorers like Lewis and Clark. My other friend and I lived in a suburb of Pittsburgh, PA, USA.  Backyards become pioneer villages for us with mud pies as a staple food. The woods surrounding the defunct streetcar line turned us into jungle adventurers.  We were only limited by our imagination with the worlds we created no matter the setting – rural or suburban. But creating we were.  As youngsters, we were in the early stages of creating ourselves.  We had dreams and desires both of which helped each of us define who we were, what we were passionate about, and what we would become.  American self-help author Napoleon Hill tells us to, “Cherish your visions and your dreams, as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements.”   We need to make sure that the ‘children of our soul’ – our dreams and our visions – do not get diminished by life, especially those challenging moments that come our way.  No matter what we are facing, we must always nourish the ‘children of our soul’ through imagination; through possibilities; through our passion for whatever motivates us. Our ability to create ourselves – to evolve into the image the ‘children of our soul’ have for us – begins with the belief in ourselves, the confidence that we have what it takes to become the dream; to create ourselves. In order to nurture our confidence, our belief in our creative self, we need to : BELIEVE WE CAN AND WE WILL.   Denis Waitley, an American motivational speaker, writer and consultant, has said: “If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won’t, you most assuredly won’t. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad.” Stay strong in the belief in yourself.  Don’t let the opinion of others upset you for when you do, it is a sign that you don’t really believe in yourself.  Do not worry about what others think.  If someone chooses to pass judgment on you, that is their right; however, you do not need to agree with the judgment or the opinion.  Stay strong in your self-belief.  As someone said, “Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don’t deserve to be an issue in your life.”  If you picture yourself as a confident person, you will be a confident person. HAVE NO REGRETS.  Regrets are like weeds in a flower garden. They take away from the beauty of everything else in the garden.  Same thing applies in our lives.  Looking back on anything with regret just takes away energy we could be using to do something more productive.  We need to embrace things that may have happened in our past; learn from them.  As Aubrey O’Day states, “You can never regret anything you do in life.  You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward.”  If you are positive, looking to the future, and self-confident then regret has no place in your world. AVOID COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS.  St. Francis de Sales (a late 16th/early 17th century Bishop of Geneva who is honored as a saint in the Anglican and Catholic church and known also for his writings on the topic of spiritual direction and spiritual formation) said, “Be who you are and be that well.”  His advice to us is to not try to be a copy of someone else, but to be our own original.  Don’t try to be something we are not.  Make the best out of our strengths and talents.  Accept them and work with them.  The focus need to be kept on us. NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.  Much “stuff” will happen in our lives over which we have no control.   We often let this “stuff” upset us; make us think we can’t do something.  Avoid letting little things upset you.  Learn to relax.  Learn to go with the flow. CONTROL YOUR REACTION.  You do control your destiny.  While things may happen that are beyond our control, we do have control over how we handle, how we deal with the situation. As motivational speaker and self-development author Brian Tracy said, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”  Same philosophy applies when you are dealing with your confidence level.  You are in control of how you handle the things that happen and the things people may say.  Maintain an attitude that keeps your confidence level intact. DO NOT FEAR BEING WRONG.  New Zealand painter and author Peter T Mcintyre said, “Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.”  Nothing can shake one’s confidence like being wrong about things and having that pointed out to you.  But, if you adopt the attitude that any mistake you might make can be used as a learning opportunity, you will be well on the way to keeping your self-confidence intact.  Thomas Edison said, “Negative results are just what I want. They’re just as valuable to me as positive results. I can never find the thing that does the job best until I find the ones that don’t.” BAN THE WORDS ‘NOT _____ ENOUGH” FROM OUR VOCABULARY.  When we begin to say ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I am not strong enough’ or ‘I don’t know enough’ or ‘I am not pretty enough,’ we begin to develop a mindset that definitely begins to erode any confidence we have in ourselves.  Instead, we need to be positive and give ourselves time to truly assess the situation. BE POSITIVE.  We are in charge of what we think.  We need to kick out all the negative thoughts from our minds. Reading inspirational quotes can motivate us to take action and when to take action.  We need to surround ourselves with positive images.  Replace negative thoughts and words with positive ones, words that make us feel happy and in control.  Concentrate on positive thoughts with positive results. Ah, yes, it is in creating ourselves that we eventually find ourselves.  It is so important to remember that no matter what happens in our lives we need to always nourish the “children of our souls” – those visions and dreams that we have about who we are and what we want.  Life has a way of moving us off track (change has a way of doing that) and once off track, it isn’t hard to become distracted or tired or disoriented.   If off track, we must take control (and we do have the ability to do so), check in with the “children of our souls,” and then work to make those dreams and visions our reality.  No matter what we are facing, we must always nourish the ‘children of our soul’ through imagination; through possibilities; through our passion for whatever motivates us.

“GO CONFIDENTLY IN THE DIRECTION OF YOUR DREAMS”

Since this is the time of year where college and high school (as well as preschool, kindergarten, and eighth grade) graduations are upon us, Henry David Thoreau’s quote, “Go confidently in the direction of your dreams” seems a most appropriate theme for this week’s blog post. And, this week, I dedicate this blog post to all graduates, especially those at Peters Township High School (in SW Pennsylvania) where my nephew attends and where he and his friends will end their high school experience this week.

I can see some of you asking, “Becky, you write about change. Where does graduation fit in with that?” Well, I am glad you asked. Graduation marks a time of change, and all change begins with an ending. When one graduates, attending classes, following a schedule, listening to teachers (all of this done in a familiar building or on a campus one has called home for several years) ends. And while most look forward to their graduation (especially high school seniors), this rite of passage can also cause anxiety, uncertainty, uneasiness, fear. These ‘unpleasant feelings’ are often generated by the movement out of one’s comfort zone.

Sometimes, when we move out of our comfort zone, we begin to question our ability to either do certain things or question our ability to “make it” in the new territory. When we question our ability to do something we are putting our confidence in question. Even those students who did exceptionally well in high school might begin to question if they will do OK in college. They may further question whether they will fit in; whether they will get along with their roommate(s); whether they will do OK on their own.

All of those questions are normal and natural. And, as long as the questioning of oneself doesn’t begin to limit what one does, things are OK. But, if those questions begin to erode one’s confidence then we do have an issue. Dealing with changes in life especially those that surround a graduation can be tough and during change, more than ever, we need to maintain a high level of confidence in ourselves and our abilities.

Our confidence in ourselves is one of our greatest gifts. But, it is also a gift that seems to change from circumstance to circumstance in our lives. I believe it especially changes when we encounter change and move out of our comfort zone. This is a time when we may begin to question ourselves; when we may find our confidence level plummeting.What can you do to maintain your confidence when you encounter a change that seems to rock your world or what can you do to restore your confidence if it has slipped or seemed to have “taken a vacation” after change has entered your life? Let’s explore eight ways to maintain or restore your confidence.BAN THE WORDS ‘NOT _____ ENOUGH” FROM YOUR VOCABULARY. When you begin to say ‘I am not good enough’ or ‘I am not strong enough’ or ‘I don’t know enough’ or ‘I am not pretty enough,’ you begin to develop a mindset that definitely begins to erode any confidence you have in yourself.   Instead, be positive and give yourself time to truly assess the situation. BE POSITIVE. You are in charge of what you think. Let me repeat that. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF WHAT YOU THINK. You need to kick out all the negative thoughts from your mind. Reading inspirational quotes can motivate you to take action and when to take action.   Surround yourself with positive images. Replace negative thoughts and words with positive ones, words that make you feel happy and in control. Concentrate on positive thoughts with positive results. AVOID COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS. St. Francis de Sales said, “Be who you are and be that well.” His advice to us is to not try to be a copy of someone else, but to be our own original. Don’t try to be something you are not. Make the best out of your strengths and talents. Accept them and work with them. Keep the focus on you.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. Much “stuff” will happen in our lives over which we have no control.   We often let this “stuff” upset us; make us think we can’t do something. Avoid letting little things upset you. Learn to relax. Learn to go with the flow.

BELIEVE YOU CAN AND YOU WILL.  Denis Waitley’s advice fits here: “If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won’t, you most assuredly won’t. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad.” Stay strong in the belief in yourself. Don’t let the opinion of others upset you for when you do, it is a sign that you don’t really believe in yourself. Do not worry about what others think. If someone chooses to pass judgment on you, that is their right; however, you do not need to agree with the judgment or the opinion. Stay strong in your self-belief. As someone said, “Life is too short to stress yourself with people who don’t deserve to be an issue in your life.” If you picture yourself as a confident person, you will be a confident person.

CONTROL YOUR REACTION. You do control your destiny. While things may happen that are beyond our control, we do have control over how we handle, how we deal with the situation. As Brian Tracy said, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.” Same philosophy applies when you are dealing with your confidence level. You are in control of how you handle the things that happen and the things people may say. Maintain an attitude that keeps your confidence level intact.

DO NOT FEAR BEING WRONG. Peter T Mcintyre said, “Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.” Nothing can shake one’s confidence like being wrong about things and having that pointed out to you. But, if you adopt the attitude that any mistake you might make can be used as a learning opportunity, you will be well on the way to keeping your self-confidence intact. Thomas Edison said, “Negative results are just what I want. They’re just as valuable to me as positive results. I can never find the thing that does the job best until I find the ones that don’t.”

HAVE NO REGRETS. Regrets are like weeds in a flower garden. They take away from the beauty of everything else in the garden. Same thing applies in our lives. Looking back on anything with regret just takes away energy we could be using to do something more productive. We need to embrace things that may have happened in our past; learn from them. As Aubrey O’Day states, “You can never regret anything you do in life.  You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward.”  If you are positive, looking to the future, and self-confident then regret has no place in your world.

Whether you are currently experiencing some type of change in your life (as the high school and college graduates are), or have recently had some type of change rock your world, or have a change that you know about coming up soon, how successful and happy you are in the changed environment will depend largely on how much confidence you display in yourself. You need to be confident in yourself when dealing with change. You must believe in yourself.   When you believe in yourself, you are more willing to be pro-active, to take action which is really needed when dealing with change and transition.

Thoreau’s thoughts have much merit. He said, “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in common hours.” No matter what change is bringing to us, if we move forth confidently, keeping our dreams, our goals, what we want, we will invariably be successful. Peter Pan author, JM Barrie wrote, “The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.” Don’t squash any dream or goal. You can rise above any challenge change throws your way if you remember to remain confident in yourself!