EXPERIENCING AWE AND WONDER IN OUR DAILY LIFE

I don’t know about you, but on my life journey, I’ve had many moments in which my “jaw dropped” or my arms were covered with “goosebumps” as a result of someone or something I had seen.  I believe many who experienced the solar eclipse on Monday, April 8, 2024 felt this way, especially those in the path of totality.  Friends who live in one of the path of totality cities described the event as “awe inspiring, wondrous, breathtaking, marvelous, stunning, fantastic, extraordinary, and incredible.” It was a moment that took the breath away from many and filled most with amazement.

It shouldn’t take a show of nature, like the solar eclipse, for us to have our breath taken away or to be filled with amazement.  The simple things that fill our days should also fill us with awe and wonder, things like an especially moving piece of music, watching a young child take his or her first steps, seeing an eagle take flight, or the joyous smile of a loved one who has dementia when he or she recognizes our voice.  To be able to experience awe and wonder with both momentous as well as with simple things adds a measure of pleasure to our life and means that our inner child is alive and well. 

Our inner child is that part of us that takes us back to a time when: we were free spirits; our imaginations would run wild; we were creative beyond reason; our days were filled with laugher, fun, joy, and play; we were wildly happy about anything and everything; we weren’t afraid to take a risk or make a mistake; we bounced back from any type of daily disruption; we lived in the moment.  Our inner child allows us to maintain an attitude of childlike wonder, a way of seeing the magic in ordinary things and finding the fun and joy in simple things.  Childlike wonder allows us to:   have little or no fear of the unknown, venture out of our comfort zone, be imaginative and creative, have little or no fear of failure, be a visionary, take on challenges, believe we can achieve whatever we conceive, and try new things.

Our inner child and the qualities of childlike wonder help us throughout our life journey.   We encounter many challenges along our life journey (change being one of them).  Think how much easier it would be to deal with challenges if we take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at what is facing us with “childlike wonder.”  See something for the “first time.”  Be fearless.   Think: so what if I make a mistake or fail.  Think: what is the wildest thing I can think of to solve this issue or deal with this problem?

In addition to the positive qualities of childlike wonder, researchers like Gallagher, Piff, Reinerman, Shiota, and a host of others are finding that experiencing awe and wonder can improve our quality of life by sparking feelings of happiness and contentment,  improving our mood, promoting positive behavior towards others, enhancing our critical thinking skills, and helping us keep things in perspective.  Psychologist and author of Awestruck: How Embracing Wonder Can Make You Happier, Healthier, and More Connected Jonah Paquette tells us that, “Awe blurs the line between the self and the world around us, diminishes the ego, and links us to the greater forces that surround us in the world and the larger universe.”

Awe not only makes us feel better but it connects us with others.  It behooves us to remain open to awe and wonder and we can do so by:

• Avoiding being cynical.
• Looking for the extraordinary in the ordinary. 
• Looking at things as if we were seeing it for the first time. 
• Quieting our minds and allowing ourselves to see and sense what is around us.
• Taking time to appreciate the awe moment.
• Being sensory aware of sights, sounds, scents and textures.
• Remaining open at all times to receive the unexpected as well as what we think is coming.
• Doing things that make us smile and laugh.
• Feeding our curiosity.
• Enjoying the present moment.
• Relishing the small things in life.

Our life journey will be enhanced if we can remain open to awe and wonder for doing so opens up endless possibilities for us. This approach allows us to be more creative, imaginative, innovative, divergent, or just plain different in how we deal with or solve any challenges we face along the journey.  Just think how much more positive, joyous, and fulfilling our lives would be if most of the moments in each day were punctuated by exclamation marks instead of periods or question marks!  Let’s make it a priority of seeing the magic in and finding the fun and joy in ordinary things.

RESTORING OUR SENSE OF CONTROL

I write and speak a lot about change. Many who attend my workshops talk about the most frustrating aspect of change for them is the loss of control or letting go of the illusion of control. One person said, “Change often means some of my precious time will be taken away from me in order to adjust to change or deal with it…and it is MINE! So, essentially, I don’t have control over what happens to me I want control so I can feel safe and have everything the way I want it.” Can you relate to this?

We all probably have the need for a sense control (that ability to manage or direct things in our life) over things that deal with us personally. When change happens, it is not unusual for us to lose control over something (e.g., if I have a terminal illness, I can do nothing to stop the direction of the illness nor can those around me or if my company has reorganized, I have no control over where my position might land on the organizational chart nor may I have control over what my job duties might now entail). I liken all of this to driving on an icy road or one that has ‘ponded’ with water.  One moment, you have the ability to manage what the car is doing. Then, bam!  You are sliding on the ice or hydroplaning over the water and have no ability to manage what the car is doing.

Having a sense of control seems to be a deep-seated need within all of us.  Therefore, when change hits us and makes something in our world, in our environment, so different from what it was, it is no wonder that we feel a loss of the sense of control over what is happening.  And, just like when one has no control over their car, it is downright scary, terrifying, and frightening.  How do we regain the sense of control once it has been lost? 

We can:

• Take a step back and calm down.  We need to maintain a grip on ourselves so it is a good idea to take a few moments to let the emotional reaction wash over us.  Do some deep breathing to calm the nerves and when we feel like we can objectively deal with the situation, we can then move on.

• Let the change (or whatever happened) serve as a wake-up call.  When change happens and we feel we no longer have control over something, use the event as a sign that things in life may need reevaluated.  Look for the message in the situation.  Look for the good, for the positive.  Find out what really matters to us.  Doing all of this helps reframe the situation, moves us forward, and does help us regain a sense of control in the changed situation.

• Take a moment to assess the situation.  Take stock of what has happened and what needs to be done. 

• Prioritize next steps. When we prioritize we determine the order for dealing with stuff according to their relative importance.  Prioritization helps us with identifying what is essential to what we need to be doing.  This goes hand in hand with taking stock of our situation and it does help us regain control because we are determining what now needs to be done, how it will get done, and when.

• Switch into survivor mode.  Instead of being a victim to the circumstance, we need to become a survivor.   Victims might tend to cower in the face of whatever has happened or is happening to give that feeling of loss of control.  The more we give in to the fear of loss of control, the more power we give the situation creating it and the more out of control we will feel.     A survivor, however, is someone who finds ways to work through what is happening and works to regain control.  If we visualize what we want to happen it is easier to work to try and make that actually happen. 

• Give up the thought that we can control everything. No matter how smart, how creative, how kind, how wealthy, how (insert your own descriptor here), it is important to note that there are forces larger than ourselves out there.  Once we accept that we cannot control everything, we are better able to deal with change and what it may “take away from us.”  Author Ivan Nuru tells us, “If it’s out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too.”  

• “Make lemonade out of lemons.”  If we view every experience in life as a “blesson,” something that is both a blessing and a lesson, we will become more creative, discover something about ourselves we didn’t know (e.g, some knowledge or skill), and tap into strength we didn’t realize was in us.  Some of our most useful inventions or successful companies were an outgrowth of someone dealing with a situation over which they had no control. 

• Give “atta” persons. It is important to acknowledge every forward movement in the changed environment, even those small baby steps forward.  It doesn’t matter how big or small the step, just the fact that we are moving forward is what counts.  Each step moves us toward a sense of more control over things which is what we want to happen. So, we need to give ourselves a pat the back; acknowledge our ‘achievements.’  Slowly, we will regain the sense of being in the driver’s seat.

We never know when our life journey is going to be interrupted by something out of left field.  Certainly, we have no control over some of life’s changes or situations.  However, we do have control over our response to these changes and situations.    We need to choose to regroup, assess, and come up with a plan that restores our sense of control of the situation and our lives.

THE POWER OF FORGIVENESS

Are you familiar with the story of Andrew Collins and Jameel McGee?  Collins was a police officer in Benton Harbor, Michigan and at the start of one of his work days he decided he was going to make sure he had another drug arrest.  And he did just that, but in doing so he framed an innocent man, McGee.

Collins was eventually caught and  served time for several crimes, including framing McGee for selling drugs.  McGee spent four years in prison for a crime he did not commit before he was exonerated.  His goal when he got home was to seek out Collins and hurt him.

As it turned out, both men returned to Benton Harbor, Michigan, USA and both ended up working side by side in the same café.  Collins told McGee that he had no explanation for what he had done and that he was sorry.   McGee upon hearing those words from Collins forgave him and not just for his sake, “For our sake,” McGee said. “Not just us, but for our sake.” Together, Collins and McGee went on to give speeches about the importance of forgiveness and redemption.

When someone hurts us, we have a choice. We can hold on to anger and resentment or as McGee did, we can embrace forgiveness and move forward.  Forgiveness is a productive way to deal with hurts.  It allows us to stay focused on what is important.  And, it removes the “poison,” the anger, bitterness, and resentment from our lives.

Some benefits of forgiving someone include:

• Begins the healing process.
• Leads to the freedom to love and trust again.
• Paves the way for healthier relationships.
• Allows for greater spiritual and psychological well-being.
• Makes for less stress, anxiety, depression, and hostility.
• Increases happiness.
• Improves health.
• Increases compassion, understanding, and healing.
• Increases hope and optimism for the future.
• Makes way for us to function better in all phases of life.

Forgiving is something that is easier said than done but there are several things we can do to develop the skill of forgiveness.  We can:

• Acknowledge that forgiveness is a process during which we can deal with and work through all the emotions we are feeling – anger, bitterness, sadness – in a positive way.
• Recognize the value of forgiveness and the ways it can improve our lives.
• Understand that forgiveness leads to compassion.
• Identify and acknowledge what hurt or offended us.
• Look for a broader perspective on what took place; attempt to understand the motivation of whoever hurt us – was it reactionary to something we said or did, deliberate, mindless, or insensitive?
• Commit to letting go and moving on.
• Use the beauty of the world to conquer the hurt; move to a positive mindset.
• Move to a forgiving frame of mind through meditation or prayer.
• Look for small ways to practice forgiveness every day.
• Seek professional help if the hurts have been traumatic or are ongoing.
• Remember that forgiveness is an act of self-love; it is something that we do for ourselves.

Yes, indeed.  Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves.  Or we can be like Jameel McGee and forgive not only for ourselves but for the sake of all parties involved.  McGee, a person who has every reason to carry anger and bitterness around  in his heart, instead chooses to carry love, care, kindness, compassion, gratitude, gentleness…all things positive in his heart and mind.

No matter how positive a person we are, negative emotions do reside deep inside of us.  And if we let our hearts and mind get drained of our positive, if we let something someone said or did to us consume our positive, we open ourselves to letting the negative begin to move to the top of our hearts and mind.  How do we prevent this from happening?  How do we ensure that the positives take up the majority of space in our heart and mind so it is love, care, kindness, compassion, joy, that flow from us no matter what we are facing in life?  We can:

• Monitor our emotions toward situations and people; work to respond rather than react.
• Acknowledge when negative emotions seem to be bubbling inside and tend to them and the issue causing them to bubble right away.
• Intentionally fill ourselves with the positive:  patience, forgiveness, understanding, kindness, compassion, etc.; the fuller we are with the positive, the less room there is for the negatives to come to the top.
• Take care of ourselves physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually; the stronger we are in  all areas of our lives, the better able we are to handle stress and  any “hurts” in our lives; we feel and act our best when we are fully “nourished.”

It is our choice as to what we fill our heart and our mind with.  If we all worked hard to fill them with things like love, care, kindness, compassion, gratitude, forgiveness then those are the things that will “flow” from us when we get “bumped.”  And if the positives are what came out no matter what, think what a better world this would be.  If one of those positives is forgiveness, if we can embrace forgiveness as McGee did, just think how much smoother our life journey would be.  We should all have the goal of moving forward on our life journey in as positive a way as possible.

CHANGE CAN BRING TURBULENT TRANSITIONS

One week before the start of spring 2024, my little corner of the world experienced sunny days with temperatures in the high 60s and low 70s F.  The grass began to green; trees began to bud; and, the daffodils were in full bloom.  Two days before the start of spring 2024, the sky in my little corner of the world was gray, temperatures struggled to hit the mid-30s F, and snow danced on the winds that blew, leaving a dusting of snow on the greening grass and the beautiful daffodils.

In my little corner of the world, this weather is not unusual when the season changes from winter to spring.  In my part of the world, spring-like weather is characterized by milder temperatures and rain; however, it is not unusual for winter-like weather to persist – temperatures in the 20s and 30s F and more solid precipitation like snow, sleet, or freezing rain.  It’s like each season is struggling for control – spring, ready for its new beginning, embracing the change; winter not wanting to let go, resisting the change.

Isn’t this similar to what happens when a change enters our life?  I feel we do indeed find ourselves in transition just like the seasons.  Just as winter resists the change and doesn’t want to let go of what was, so often we do the same. We often want to hold on a little longer just as winter does.  But, shades of the change exert themselves and little by little we find ourselves moving from what was to what will be.

This struggle between what was and what will be is the transition stage of change.  It is a wilderness (or a neutral zone as change expert William Bridges calls it) where the old and the new overlap.  Turbulent is a great word to describe our time in the wilderness of transition because we are all over the place and struggling for control.  One day, we seem to be moving forward only to find ourselves sliding back the next day.  (Think sunshine and temperatures near 60 F one day and a gray sky, temperatures in the low 20s F, and six inches of snow the next.)

But, the beauty of the wilderness and our time spent there is that we get to work through the turbulence of the transition; we get to work out our resistance to the change.  This week, we will explore some ways that this happens.

Time in the wilderness gives us the opportunity to explore why we are so resistant to the change. I have to note that resistance to change is normal, but we need to move beyond it.  We can’t let it drive us.  We need to spend time taking a hard look at what is causing us to want to hold on to what was.    Be honest in the assessment.  (Often we find that control is at the heart of our resistance.  So, looking at what we can control and what is out of our control is most helpful.)

Resistance in the beginning stages of dealing with change can act as a protector (from dealing with the unknown and from making decisions in haste).  Staying in a state of resistance only limits us so we do need to move beyond it.  We do this by looking at the possibilities and opportunities we have in the changed environment.  It may take a long time for us to discover who we really are and what we are to do in our changed environment.  Time in the wilderness helps us explore options.  It is out of the excitement, the sense of being overwhelmed, the confusion, and the fear that new ideas, that new discoveries, reorientations and creativity take center stage and help propel us toward something we might be able to accept, something that makes sense out of the change, something that will put us on the path to discovering what we are to be in the new environment.

Change usually brings about the loss of something (a loved one, a way of life, familiar routines, etc.) and fear usually accompanies loss.  Resistance is common when we face a loss.  It is natural to want to hold on to what we are used to, what we love, what brings us comfort.  Wandering the wilderness gives us time to face our fears and to work through them.

We get to work through being uncomfortable in the wilderness.  When in the wilderness, we have given up something with which we were once very comfortable, but we have not yet become comfortable with the “new place.”  If we get scared enough, we may be tempted to fall back on the former, the old; we may try to slip back into our comfort zone. This is all normal and natural.  In fact, time in the wilderness is not linear.  It is more like start, stop, loop back, move forward, step back, surge forward.   Time in the wilderness is more spiral – or cork screw-shaped than linear or one dimensional.  (Think again of the turbulent transition of the seasons.)

While in the wilderness, we question everything:

• Ourselves (Who am I?  What purpose do I now serve?  What about this change makes me so uncomfortable?)
• What happened (What was this change all about?  What was lost?  What was gained?  What do I like about the change?  Why am I so resistant to the change?)
• Next steps (What comes next?  What is my new reality?)

Coming up with answers to these questions helps us sort through everything and come up with a plan for moving forward.  Through the answers we are able to identify all the reasons why we are so resistant to the change and within those answers we find the key for embracing the change and moving on with our life journey.

Change (the situational event) is hard but the transition (the emotional response to the change) is even tougher.  Most transitions can be turbulent especially the time spent in the wilderness (or neutral zone).  But, time in the wilderness is well spent and when the journey there is finished, we will be ready to move on and make a successful new beginning.

William Bridges sums things up nicely when he says, “Without a transition, change is just a rearrangement of the furniture.”  We must allow ourselves to travel the path of transition and experience the process.  We must integrate the change into the fabric of our being and really examine how it affects our core.  Only in doing this will we be able to move forward.  Only then will we be doing more than just rearranging the furniture.

FINDING PEACE AMID ALL THAT SURROUNDS US

If you follow my posts, you know that a pair of bald eagles, whom I’ve named Hope and Joy, reside on my property within 300 feet of my house.  Their nest is visible from several rooms in the house and I am treated, on an almost daily basis, to a close up and personal view of their lives.  They are usually at home first thing in the morning and I have come to realize that starting my day by looking out and seeing them perched on their favorite branches brings me a sense of peace and a feeling that all is right with the world (no matter what may be going on in my little corner of the world and beyond).

That sense of peace helps me stay grounded; helps me keep my emotional and mental well-being balanced.  Staying grounded helps me appreciate and live in the present moment.  Being grounded entails more than just being firmly rooted “in or on the ground.”  Outwardly we can appear to be standing tall and strong but if inside we aren’t equally as strong, it might not take much for us to crumble when the slightest of challenges comes our way.

When we are grounded from within, we:

• are aware of the present moment
• believe in ourselves and exude confidence
• are able to maintain balance and a presence of mind in all circumstances
• stay true to our values and beliefs
• are resilient
• can take things in stride knowing no matter what happens, we’ll be fine
• have a clear sense of direction, using our goals to guide us
• maintain our own views and convictions and aren’t easily influenced by those around us
• know our strengths and weaknesses

To find peace amid all the surrounds us, we should all have a goal of remaining as grounded (with a strong inner core) as possible.  Some things we can do to work toward this goal include:

1. Connect with nature.  (If Hope and Joy have taught me anything, it is there is a natural calming effect when surrounded by the beauty of the natural world.)
2. Reaffirm values, beliefs, and goals and ensure that they are the guiding forces in decision making and direction.
3. Stay focused and clear in purpose.
4. Be at peace with what is.
5. Let go especially of things out of our control.
6. Connect to our senses and really experience what is going on around us.
7. Practice mindfulness.
8. Look for the wonder in ordinary things.
9. See the bright side of life.
10. Slow down and enjoy life.
11. Have an attitude of gratitude for everything and anything.
12. Take more steps forward than back.
13. Get lost in the flow of the immediate task. 

14. Maximize personal strengths while minimizing weaknesses.  If possible, engage in activities that help turn weaknesses into strengths.
15. Recognize that there are those who will view our strengths as weaknesses and attempt to use that against us (e.g., attention to detail might be viewed as being picky).   Knowing that this is a reaction on their part to anger or hurt us will help us ignore it or just move on.
16. Be the calm in the eye of the storm.  Engage in relaxation techniques as needed.
17. Power up the positivity.  Maintain an optimistic, positive outlook.
18. Practice patience.
19. Stay surrounded by positive, supportive people who can spread positive energy.
20. Return to center if feeling off balance.

Author Michael Gruber tells us, “But it turns out that people who are grounded and secure don’t change much under stress. That’s what being grounded means.”  Yes indeed.  When we are grounded, when our emotional and mental well-being are balanced, no matter what is going on around us, we are able to remain cool, calm, collected, and focused even in the most challenging situations. We are not prone to being overwhelmed.  We are able to appreciate and live in the present moment and are neither distracted by the past nor preoccupied with the future. We are able to find peace amid all that surrounds us.

PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY

I am surprised by the number of people who do or say something and then fail to take accountability or responsibility for the results of those actions or words.  Often they will shift or deflect blame onto someone else or they create a narrative that fits their ‘reality.’  Take for example the students in the story The Ultimate Test:

One night, four college students stayed up late partying, even though they knew they had a test the next day. The next morning, they came up with a plan to get out of having to take their test.

Each student rolled around in dirt and then went to the teacher’s office.

They told the teacher that they had gotten a flat tire the night before, and they spent the entire night pushing their car back to campus.  The teacher listened, and to the students’ delight, he offered a retest three days later.

On the day of the test, the students went to their teacher’s office. The teacher put all four of the students in separate rooms to take the test. The students were okay with that because they had been given a chance to study.

The test had 2 questions:

1) Your Name __________ (1 Point)

2) Which tire was flat? __________ (99 Points)

1. Front Right
2. Front Left
3. Back Right
4. Back Left

Of course, the moral of this story is about the need to take responsibility for one’s actions. When we take responsibility for our actions we do not:

• blame others for what we did or said
• blame others for our mistakes
• deny the role we played in the situation
• make excuses
• spin a narrative that fits our reality
• complain about the situation or the present moment

What we do when we take responsibility for our actions is own up to the results of whatever was said or done.  We take whatever consequences we have coming.  We work to rectify the situation.  When we hold ourselves accountable, we inspire everyone to take responsibility for their actions and to follow through on their commitments.  When this happens, we reap benefits such as:

• Peace of mind
• Stronger and healthier bonds with others
• A reduction in stress and conflict
• A more meaningful and fulfilling life
• Clearer priorities
• Increased confidence and motivation
• Higher levels of trust (especially earned when errors are owned and acknowledged)
• Credibility
• Mutual respect

We can all help create an “accountable personal environment” by:

• Making accountability one of our values
• Focusing on being the best we can be
• Making a commitment to own our words and deeds
• Taking responsibility for decisions
• Celebrating successes
• Learning from our mistakes
• Being trustworthy
• Seeking feedback (both positive and constructive)
• Having an “accountability touchstone” (a person we can turn to for advice, suggestions, and feedback)
• Being realistic in expectations
• Having clear, defined goals

Remember, accountability starts with us.  If we want others to take responsibility for what they say and do, we must walk the talk.  As Brian P. Moran (leadership speaker, author, and productivity expert) says, “Accountability is not consequences, but ownership.  It is a character trait, a life stance, a willingness to own your actions and results regardless of the circumstances.”  Let’s all do our part to make ourselves and those around us more personally accountable for what we say and do.

CREATING LIFE PATTERNS THAT BRING PURPOSE TO OUR LIVES

Joan Chittister is an American Benedictine nun, theologian, author, and speaker.  Monthly she publishes the Monastic Way which provides “daily insights to stir the heart and soul.”  The March 2024 edition focused on the purpose of life and she shared, “The purpose of life is not worked out in any single moment. It is seen only in the patterns we create or in the options we refuse. Aldous Huxley says of it, “At any given moment, life is completely senseless. But viewed over a period, it seems to reveal itself as an organism existing in time, having a purpose, tending in a certain direction.” ”  

I reflected for quite some time on her words, especially that the purpose of life “…is seen only in the patterns we create or in the options we refuse.”  If our life journey is to be a meaningful one, we really do need to care about the patterns we create through our thoughts, words, and deeds. We also need to care about the options we refuse such as choosing between good and evil, positive and negative, or right and wrong.  A meaningful life is one that is grounded in a sense of purpose that goes beyond our day-to-day routines.  Living a meaningful life involves authenticity, purpose, connection, compassion, living with intention in the present moment (mindfulness), and positive thinking.  This week, let’s explore these six components in an effort to help us live meaningfully; in an effort to help us create the best possible “patterns” and make good choices in the “options we refuse.”

AUTHENTICITY.  St. Francis de Sales (late 16^th/early 17^th century Bishop of Geneva who is honored as a saint in the Anglican and Catholic churches, known for his writings on the topic of spiritual direction and spiritual formation) says it best:  “Be who you are and be that well.”  We just need to be ourselves (and not an imitation of someone else).  When we don’t worry about what others think, we can live more freely and we have a far better chance of living a life that creates patterns which lead to meaning and purpose.

PURPOSE.  Having a purpose influences our ability to live a meaningful life.  Is your purpose in life to teach others, inspire or motivate others, to help others, to lead others, to serve others, to heal others…?  What can you do to use/share to the fullest your skills, talents, or strengths?  What gives you a reason to get out of bed each morning and get on with the day?  Remember, we add more meaning to whatever we do if our actions reflect our principles and values.

CONNECTION.  Having a connection with others – family, friends, colleagues – helps provide a sense of purpose in our lives which in turn leads to a more meaningful life. 

COMPASSION.  When we have empathy for others – when we see things with the eyes of another, listen with the ears of another, and feel with the heart of another – we are able to better understand what others are dealing with or going through.  And when we want to do something to alleviate that pain or distress, we exemplify compassion.   When we do help others, our own feelings of purpose and meaning are elevated. 

MINDFULNESS.  Abraham Joshua Heschel (a Polish-born American rabbi and one of the leading Jewish theologians and Jewish philosophers of the 20th century) said, “Life is routine and routine is resistance to wonder.” I would add that routine keeps us from realizing what is most meaningful moment-to-moment.  When we operate on auto-pilot and fill our days with the routine, we often tune out much going on around us.  We don’t see the gorgeous sunrise or the beauty of the autumn leaves or the smile something we did brought to the face of another.  But, if in our daily routine we take time to savor what is happening around us – if we take time to appreciate the present moment – then routine moments will become meaningful moments.  If we become mindful, the intentionally-focused awareness of our immediate experience, we position ourselves to notice the meaningful moments in our life.

POSITIVE THINKING.  Attitude is a mental position relative to a way of thinking or being; a leaning toward that which we believe. A positive attitude is, therefore, the tendency to be in an optimistic, hopeful state of mind.  A positive attitude manifests itself in positive thinking.  Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and attract positive life experiences.  Positive thinking gives us power over our circumstances. If we let positive thinking guide us, it is easier to glean the meaning from daily activities.  It is easier to say yes to all of life’s experiences because we work from a foundation that keeps us uplifted and willing to face challenges.  As Chittister says, “Life is about finding good everywhere, in everything. There is really no such thing as “bad” in life, only things in which we have yet to discover the good that came out of them.”  Positive thinking will help us find the good that does surround us.

We should all want to lead a meaningful, purposeful life and we can do so by being authentic, having a purpose, staying connected to others, showing compassion, living with intention in the present moment, and by thinking positively.  If we stay true to our values and principles, the patterns we create and the options we refuse we help lead us to purposeful filled life, one full of meaning, wonder, and experiences that bring us moments of awe!

BE A BEACON OF JOY

Becky, you ask, what do you mean by be a beacon of joy?  Well, a beacon is something that acts as a signal.  Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.  So when I say be a beacon of joy, I am saying that to those around us, we should serve as one who sends out vibrations of positivity, happiness, bliss, glee, and delight.  Just as a lighthouse sends out light, a beacon, to guide maritime travelers toward safety, we should send out our “light” to help others navigate toward positivity and joy, steering around feelings of despair, discouragement, and distress.

Just how do we go about being beacons of joy?  We can:

• Act with kindness in words, deeds, and reflection, making those around us feel good and making them want to reciprocate the feeling.

• Share our smile with others, making them smile too.

• Release our inner, joyful child, demonstrating how happiness flows from within. 

• Concentrate on positive self-talk, replacing negative thoughts and words with positive ones and encouraging others to do the same.

• Look on the bright side; for the positive in life, role modeling to others how to see the positive in challenging situations and how to use both the positive and challenging as a learning experience.

• Approach each day with an attitude of gratitude, counting our blessings and being grateful for what we have and showing others how to do the same.

• Make someone else feel good about them, letting them know how much they are valued and appreciated.

• Create a day of optimism, choosing to be upbeat and positive all day and sharing that optimism with those around us.

• Go with the flow of life, dealing with challenges and changes in a healthy, productive manner, showing others how it is done.

• Live a meaningful life, making the most of every moment in every day, giving others something for which to strive toward.

• Look at the consequences of a less-than-positive attitude, seeking ways to avoid a negative spiral and turning things around and sharing the benefit in doing so.

• Reframe situations that may create a bad mood or attitude, changing the way we look at something and responding (not reacting) to the situation in a more constructive way and showing others the benefit of doing so.

• Avoid the energy vampires, showing others how steering clear of those who suck the energy and joy from us will help will restore their reserve of positivity and happiness.

Jonathan Lockwood Huie (author and “philosopher of happiness”) said, “You don’t have the power to make life “fair,” but you do have the power to make life joyful.”  We can do our part to make life joyful by being beacons of joy.  Our joyful spirit can be the “fire” that lights us up and keeps us moving forward in the face of difficulties. It lifts us up when the situation looks dark, and it energizes us when we are tired.  If we are beacons of joy, we can do the same for those around us.  We can brighten the lives of others by having our “light” help them navigate toward positivity and joy, steering around feelings of despair, discouragement, and distress.  When we choose to channel our joyful inner spirit and release that light that does shine within all of us, we might just be amazed at what this powerful energy can do for us let alone those around us!

THE IMPACT WE HAVE ON OTHERS

One of my all-time favorite classic movies is Good Morning, Miss Dove.  This film, made in 1955, is about a schoolteacher and the reflections she has on her life and former students.  These reflections take place while Miss Dove is in the hospital and are triggered by former students who work at the hospital or who come to visit her upon hearing the news of her hospitalization.  A commonality among all her former students’ comments is the positive influence Miss Dove had on their lives.

Shortly after watching the movie, I came across the following story which echoed the theme the movie – never underestimate the impact we have on others:

When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember well the polished old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the wooden box. I was too little to reach the telephone, but would listen with fascination when my mother talked to it.

I came to realize that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived an amazing person with the name “Information Please,” and there was nothing she did not know. I overheard my father saying to my mother that “Information Please” could supply anybody’s number and even give you the correct time of the day.

My first personal experience with this “genie-in-the-bottle” came one day while dad was at work and my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer. The pain was terrible, but there didn’t seem to be any reason for crying because there was no one at home to give me sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger. Finally, arriving at the stairway, I saw…the telephone!

Quickly I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver and held it to my ear. “Information Please!” I spoke desperately into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two later, a small, clear voice spoke into my ear:  “Information,” she answered.

“I hurt my finger…” I wailed into the phone. The tears came readily enough now that I had an audience.

“Isn’t your mother home?” came the question.

“Nobody’s home but me,” I blubbered.

“Are you bleeding?”

“No,” I replied. “I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts.”

“Can you open your icebox?” she asked. I said I could. “Then chip off a little piece of ice and hold it to your finger,” said the voice.

I did what she said and my finger stopped hurting!

After that, I called “Information Please” for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was located. She helped me with my math. She told me that my pet chipmunk, which I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruits and nuts.

Then, there was the time when Petey, our pet canary, died. I called “Information” and told her the sad story. She listened then said the usual things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was unconsoled. I asked her, “Why is it that birdies should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families, only to end up in a heap?” She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, “Paul, always remember that there is another world to sing in.” Somehow, I felt better.

Another day I was on the telephone again. “Information please,” I spoke into the receiver.

“Information,” said the now familiar voice.

“How do you spell ‘fix’?” I queried.

All of these conversations took place on the phone in my childhood home in a small town in the Pacific Northwest.

When I was 9 years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. I longed to say, “Information Please,” into that old wooden box back home, and somehow I never thought of trying the tall, shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall.

As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often, in the moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy.

A few years later, on my way west to college, I had to stop at the airport in Seattle. I had a half hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then, out of the blue, I decided to dial my hometown operator and found myself saying, “Information Please.”

Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well. “Information,” she replied.” I hadn’t planned this, but heard myself saying, “Could you please tell me how to spell, ‘fix’?”

There was a long pause. Then came the soft-spoken answer, “I guess your finger must have healed by now.”

I laughed. “So it’s really still you,” I said. “I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time.”

“I wonder,” she said, “if you know how much your calls meant to me. I never had any children, and I used to look forward to your calls.”

I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister.  “Please do,” she said. “Just ask for Sally.”

Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered, “Information.” I asked for Sally.  “Are you a friend?” she asked.

“Yes, a very old friend,” I answered.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” she said. “Sally had been working part time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago.” Before I could hang up she said, “Wait a minute. Did you say your name was Paul?”

“Yes.”

“Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you. The note says, ‘Tell him I still say there is another world to sing in. He’ll know what I mean.'”

I thanked her and hung up the phone. I knew what Sally meant.

Both Miss Dove and “Information Please” (aka Sally) took time to be helpful, caring, and kind when the opportunity to do so presented itself.  What may seem small or insignificant to us may have a huge impact on others.  Every day we make lifelong impressions on others.  As Jane Goodall (English primatologist and anthropologist) said, “You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”  Indeed, it is our choice as to what kind of difference we make.  We should ensure that our words and deeds leave impressions that are meaningful and helpful so the difference we make in the world is a positive one.

LIFE’S SECRET IS PATIENCE

Those of you who regularly follow this blog know that a pair of bald eagles – Hope and Joy – live in a tree at the edge of my rural Pennsylvania property.  Eagle watching has become a favorite past time, especially this time of year when I watch for Hope and Joy to begin the nesting process which signals that eggs have been laid and eaglets will be born in about 35 days.

In past years, Hope and Joy nested anytime between January 29 and February 3.  As I write this on February 10, there is still no sign of nesting.  Now, I well know that the eagles will lay eggs when they are ready and that I must be patient and just let nature run its course.  And, in being patient, I must wait calmly without attributing anything to the delay in nesting.

Patience is a wonderful quality for each of us to have in our life skills ‘tool box.’ However, as wonderful as it is, it is a quality that is difficult for the best of us to practice on a consistent basis.  It is difficult to proceed calmly when waiting for something to happen or when faced with a difficult or frustrating situation.  Despite all that, patience is essential to our daily life; it is a key to success in life. Without patience, we will constantly be annoyed, frustrated, angry, or upset.  Without patience, we may give up too soon or quit something altogether.  Without patience it is easy to get stuck and not move forward. 

To keep our sanity and to remain relatively stress free, it benefits us to practice intrapersonal (dealing with life’s daily problems and struggles) and interpersonal patience (dealing with annoying people in a calm and cool manner) on a daily basis.  If, on a daily basis, we take things in stride, we are more likely to be more satisfied with life, happier, calmer, and in a position to keep moving forward in a positive manner.  Courageous patience (involves waiting out life’s hardships without frustration or despair) is most definitely needed in times of change, especially unexpected or wanted change.  This type of patience gives us the stamina to stay the course over the ‘long haul’ and gives us hope that things will work out for the best. 

Good things do come to those who wait.  Some benefits of having patience include:

• Achieving goals.  
• Surmounting obstacles. 
• Appreciating successes more.
• Becoming a better decision maker. 
• Having stronger and more positive relationships.  
• Building empathy.
• Bringing out the best in us.
• Giving us peace of mind.
• Experiencing better mental and physical health. 

For those of you who are shaking your heads agreeing with the importance and value of patience but who are also saying, “I am just not a patient person” all is not lost.  There are some things we all can do to strengthen our ability to be more patient.  These include:

• Recognizing that we can’t control everything nor do we have control over much of what happens around us.
• Learning to identify feelings and triggers that tend to have us lose our patience.
• Accepting whatever comes our way.
• Managing emotions and reactions.
• Practicing meditation.
• Practicing mindfulness.
• Prioritizing what is important.
• Becoming an active listener.
• Slowing down.
• Remaining hopeful.

American author David G. Allen says, “Patience is the calm acceptance that things can happen in a different order than the one you have in your mind.”   This is wonderful advice when we are trying to be patient (certainly true of me and “my eagles.”  We must remember that being impatient doesn’t make things happen any faster; it only frustrates us.  When we come across situations on our life journey that don’t happen according to our plan or the image in our mind, we must view them as opportunities to learn and practice patience. If we can do this, we will be able to reap all the positive benefits this wonderful quality has to offer.