FINDING PEACE AMID ALL THAT SURROUNDS US

If you follow my posts, you know that a pair of bald eagles, whom I’ve named Hope and Joy, reside on my property within 300 feet of my house.  Their nest is visible from several rooms in the house and I am treated, on an almost daily basis, to a close up and personal view of their lives.  They are usually at home first thing in the morning and I have come to realize that starting my day by looking out and seeing them perched on their favorite branches brings me a sense of peace and a feeling that all is right with the world (no matter what may be going on in my little corner of the world and beyond).

That sense of peace helps me stay grounded; helps me keep my emotional and mental well-being balanced.  Staying grounded helps me appreciate and live in the present moment.  Being grounded entails more than just being firmly rooted “in or on the ground.”  Outwardly we can appear to be standing tall and strong but if inside we aren’t equally as strong, it might not take much for us to crumble when the slightest of challenges comes our way.

When we are grounded from within, we:

• are aware of the present moment
• believe in ourselves and exude confidence
• are able to maintain balance and a presence of mind in all circumstances
• stay true to our values and beliefs
• are resilient
• can take things in stride knowing no matter what happens, we’ll be fine
• have a clear sense of direction, using our goals to guide us
• maintain our own views and convictions and aren’t easily influenced by those around us
• know our strengths and weaknesses

To find peace amid all the surrounds us, we should all have a goal of remaining as grounded (with a strong inner core) as possible.  Some things we can do to work toward this goal include:

1. Connect with nature.  (If Hope and Joy have taught me anything, it is there is a natural calming effect when surrounded by the beauty of the natural world.)
2. Reaffirm values, beliefs, and goals and ensure that they are the guiding forces in decision making and direction.
3. Stay focused and clear in purpose.
4. Be at peace with what is.
5. Let go especially of things out of our control.
6. Connect to our senses and really experience what is going on around us.
7. Practice mindfulness.
8. Look for the wonder in ordinary things.
9. See the bright side of life.
10. Slow down and enjoy life.
11. Have an attitude of gratitude for everything and anything.
12. Take more steps forward than back.
13. Get lost in the flow of the immediate task. 

14. Maximize personal strengths while minimizing weaknesses.  If possible, engage in activities that help turn weaknesses into strengths.
15. Recognize that there are those who will view our strengths as weaknesses and attempt to use that against us (e.g., attention to detail might be viewed as being picky).   Knowing that this is a reaction on their part to anger or hurt us will help us ignore it or just move on.
16. Be the calm in the eye of the storm.  Engage in relaxation techniques as needed.
17. Power up the positivity.  Maintain an optimistic, positive outlook.
18. Practice patience.
19. Stay surrounded by positive, supportive people who can spread positive energy.
20. Return to center if feeling off balance.

Author Michael Gruber tells us, “But it turns out that people who are grounded and secure don’t change much under stress. That’s what being grounded means.”  Yes indeed.  When we are grounded, when our emotional and mental well-being are balanced, no matter what is going on around us, we are able to remain cool, calm, collected, and focused even in the most challenging situations. We are not prone to being overwhelmed.  We are able to appreciate and live in the present moment and are neither distracted by the past nor preoccupied with the future. We are able to find peace amid all that surrounds us.

IN STILLNESS THINGS BECOME CLEAR

A month ago, I was taking some time for rest and relaxation at the Outer Banks of North Carolina, USA.  By 7 AM each day, I was sitting on the deck overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. Very few people were on the beach and the only sounds were those created by the ocean waves, the sea gulls, and the wind.  There was a total sense of calmness and peacefulness.  I was able to quiet my mind, have a sense of peace in my heart, and delight in the stillness of the moment.

At home, I have to be intentional and work at achieving stillness.  I have moments of calmness and peacefulness, but at home those can frequently be disrupted by normal, everyday occurrences like the ringing of the telephone, a house chore that needs done, an item on the to-do-list that needs attention, voices from the television or radio, or the chime of a doorbell.

Stillness and the calmness and peacefulness it brings can sometimes be hard to come by in our daily lives.  But, it behooves us to make some time for it because the benefits of stillness are priceless, benefits such as those that:

• decrease stress,
• enhance our ability to feel more relaxed,
• increase feelings of happiness and joy,
• rejuvenate us and raise our energy level,
• allow us to appreciate the present moment,
• help us gain a clearer picture of and reflect on what is happening around us and where we need to be headed,
• let us hear our inner voice, and
• open us up to new perspectives by bringing clarity to issues and situations.

As much as we may like to spend all our time in a relaxed atmosphere such as the beach or the woods or by a lake or on a mountaintop, that is not realistic.  So, we must create moments of stillness for ourselves.  Psychologist Karin Lawson says, “The key is to create an intention of stillness — to have some intentionality about how we’re carrying ourselves in a given moment — and to focus on what is within our control.”   Lawson recommends that we:

• Breathe.  Take slow, deep breaths.
• Practice when we need it…anywhere.
• Schedule stillness; make it a priority.
• Find a favorite spot at home or outdoors.
• Listen to soft music.
• Repeat calming phrases.

I would add to her list the following that can help us create an intention of stillness:

• Find moments of connection.  These force us to slow down and remain present in that moment.
• Slow down on purpose.  When we catch ourselves rushing around, we need to take a step back and physically slow down by sitting down, lying down, or walking slowly.
• Reduce external stimuli by lowering lights and turning down/off the TV, radio or music.
• Set boundaries for use of technology.  Responding to everyone ring, ding, and beep of our phones will distract us from an atmosphere of stillness.  We need to turn off our phones for a while or silence some of the notifications.  We need to limit screen time and/or set aside specific times to spend on our devices.
• Take a break!  When the rush of the day begins to stress us, we need to take a short break and relax. This would be a good time to schedule a few moments of stillness.  First we should take a few deep breaths.  Center ourselves.  Engage in whatever stress reduction and relaxation techniques work for us personally:   meditation, guided imagery, exercise, etc. 
• Start with a minute of stillness and slowly build up to longer amounts of time.  A moment of stillness will go a long way in helping us regain calmness and peacefulness in our day.

Author and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says, “When silence becomes the driving factor in your life, peacefulness will emerge.”  We should all have the goal of having as much peace in our daily lives as possible.   We should all welcome stillness and the peace it can bring.  When we can clear our mind and have peace in our heart, no matter what is going on around us, we will be able to cultivate stillness and reap its benefits no matter where we are. 

This week, be intentional about creating moments of stillness.  If you do, you will find yourself rewarded with renewed energy, focus, and drive.

LONGING FOR SERENITY

Sister Joan Chittister (an American Benedictine nun, theologian, and author) writes in the January 2020 edition of The Monastic Way, “So much of life gets consumed by energy we should never have expended by giving in to frustration, by struggling against the obvious, by trying to wrench the present to meet our own limited expectations.  Then one day it dawns.  Serenity, the ability to stand unshaken in the middle of a turbulent world, is the keel of the healthy life.”

Serenity is a state of peace amid difficulty; it is being calm, at peace, and untroubled despite what may be happening around us.  As I write this, much of the world is still reeling from the Covid-19 virus.  So much frustration and anxiety have entered lives as a result of the virus and its devastating effects.  I know I long for serenity amid the chaos.  I hope and pray that friends, family, and even those I don’t know are able to find moments of calm and peace amid all the fear, anxiety, unknowns, and frustrations.

But as Sister Chittister says, “Serenity does not come to the average life quickly or easily.”  Why is that?  Because serenity is a state of mind, one we have to work to develop.  For many, serenity isn’t the natural fallback especially in times of unexpected change or in times of emotional stress.

A serene mind is one that gives us the ability to handle anything that comes its way, no matter how big, how tough, how drastic, or how severe.  And while serenity isn’t the natural fallback, since it is an attitude, it is something we can work toward developing.  We can:

Remember serenity is a choice.  So choose to release negative chatter and stress and focus on calmness and peacefulness.  What we focus on gets strengthened.

Recognize what is creating the tension in our lives and work to resolve it.

Recharge with some fresh air.  The atmosphere outside the four walls of our offices and homes provides a refreshing change of pace that recharges our minds and our spirits.  Take in the smells, the sounds, the sights and allow them to refresh and invigorate us.

Smile.  Smiling is an expression that denotes pleasure, happiness, or joy.  Smiles allow us to feel the bright side of life and feel and think in a more positive way.  And, when we feel positive or happy or joyful, we are more likely to be serene and peaceful.

Listen to our inner voice.  Jonathan Lockwood Huie (author and “philosopher of happiness”) tells us, “Your inner voice always knows what to do, but it is a quiet voice.  You can only hear the whisperings of your inner voice – your inner compass – when you turn down the volume of your fears, your regrets, your resentments, and the fear-based advice your neighbors are so willing to give you.”  Our inner voice is a short cut to serenity but we need to listen for it and heed its advice.

Check in with our positive “posse.”  Surrounding ourselves with encouraging and positive people helps keep energy vampires from stealing our peace of mind, our serenity.

Forgive.  When we let go of and move beyond old hurts, resentments, memories, and anger we give ourselves the gift of peace.  Forgiving ourselves and others is very empowering and freeing.  Forgiveness opens space for serenity to take hold and blossom.

Create a blessings or gratitude list.  Looking at our lives through a lens of gratitude makes the good seem even better, the not-so-good look good, and makes us more appreciative of what we do have. It also helps us focus on the positive.   When we are in a positive frame of mind, we tend to have a sense of tranquility, calm, and peace (all of which help with our serenity).

Practice acceptance.  Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle advises, “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”  Acceptance means recognizing and understanding our current situation and what we can and cannot change within it.   When we are able to do this, it releases much stress from us and allows us to move forward in a calmer manner.

Be totally in the present.  When we live in the present moment, we are mindful of what is happening now. We are not distracted by the past or preoccupied with the future.  Being present minded keeps us grounded, connected, and happier.

Maintain perspective.  Look at all sides of the issue.  This helps maintain balance.

Do a random act of kindness.  Being kind to others makes us feel good about ourselves.  Feeling good about ourselves leads to an inner peace.  That inner peace leads to being serene.

Take things one day at a time.  Get through one day before thinking about how to deal with the next day.   While we may have to plan for the future, we don’t have to worry about it.  We can keep the future in sight, but our focus should be on the here and now.

Indian religious teacher and spiritual master, Swami Satchidananda, advises, “We can be serene even in the midst of calamities and, by our serenity, make others more tranquil.”  I love this advice.  It is up to us to bring serenity into the moments of chaos in our lives.  We may have to work at developing our attitude of serenity, but we all have the capability to do so.  And, when we are at peace, we will be better able to spread that to those around us.

Please stay safe and well dear readers.  Thoughts and prayers are with you.

STAYING CENTERED IN TIMES OF CHANGE

 

Last month, I was at a meeting where the person giving the inspirational thought asked us to list the “seven wonders of the modern world.”   Most people in the audience were sharing natural wonders like Mount Everest in Nepal; the Grand Canyon in Arizona, USA; the Northern Lights; and, the Great Barrier Reef in Australia.  Some shared some of the wonders of the Ancient World like the Great Pyramid of Giza or the Hanging Gardens of Babylon.  Still others were offering items such as the Taj Mahal in India, the Great Wall of China, and Machu Picchu in Peru.

And, then there was me.  My list contained the following:  compassion, kindness, smiles, laughter, patience, tolerance, and civility.   Interestingly, my list was along the same lines as the person giving the inspirational thought. Her list included to love, to laugh, and the use of our five senses (to see, to taste, to touch, to hear, and to feel).

If one goggles “seven wonders of the world” many, many, many lists can be found and they all have a few things in common:  they are “spectacular natural wonders or man-made structures;” they are “remarkable creations;” or, they are “wonderful things.”

With a stretch of the imagination, my list falls in the category of “wonderful things.”  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all showed more compassion, kindness, patience, tolerance, and civility toward each other?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all smiled more often?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to hear more laughter in our days?  What could be more wonderful than sharing some of our natural qualities with others?  I believe if we did and if we did so on a consistent basis, our lives would be infinitely better and more positive because the world would be a more loving and caring place.  And, in that type of environment, we will be better prepared to deal with any change we encounter (whether in our personal lives or the change created by societal forces and factors).  In fact, I contend that we would be better prepared to stay centered and grounded amid any change.  How so, you ask?

If we are COMPASSIONATE we show concern for the sufferings and misfortunes of others.  We tend to be more empathetic to what is going on around us.  Oftentimes, this helps us put and keep in perspective what is going on in our “corner of the world” and can prompt us to action.

When we show KINDNESS we demonstrate care and concern for others and we often show kindness by being generous with our words and deeds. Acting in kind ways makes us feel good about ourselves and in that mood, we better position ourselves to deal with whatever we are facing in a more positive way.

Waiting calmly for something is what we do when we practice PATIENCE.  When we are patient, we don’t get as annoyed, frustrated, angry or upset when dealing with life’s daily problems and struggles, annoying people, or life’s hardships.  We are more likely to stay the course over the ‘long haul.’  Patient people are usually more satisfied with life, happier, calmer, less stressed, and in a position to keep moving forward in a positive manner.

TOLERANCE is the ability or willingness to put up with opinions or behaviors with which we do not necessarily agree.   Even when something is unpleasant or disliked when we are tolerant, we tend to avoid reactionary words or actions.  Instead, we search for common ground on which all may stand and from which all may move forth.

CIVILITY is politeness and courtesy in our words and actions.  When we act in a civil manner, we show respect and consideration for others.  If we all worked hard to treat each other with basic respect, I doubt there would be as much hatred and divisiveness in the world.

My last two “wonders” are ways to express our pleasure and contentment with ourselves and those around us.  SMILES are the result of a pleased, kind, or amused facial expression, typically with the corners of the mouth turned up.  Smiles are a sign of hope and encouragement; they let us know that things are going to be all right.  Smiles help lead us to more positive feelings and our ability to be hopeful, persistent, and focus on the positive is enhanced when we feel and think in a positive way.  When we focus more on positive feelings, we tend to see the good in things,  be more grateful for what we do have, complain less often, work harder to reach our goals, and seek out the opportunities in what we do have.

LAUGHTER involves sounds and movements of the face and body that are the instinctive expressions of lively amusement.  Laughter helps counteract the effects stress and tension have on our bodies.  Feelings of anxiety, anger, and sadness aren’t making appearances when we are laughing.  Laughter gives us the courage and strength to find sources of meaning and hope and to stay more focused on dealing with whatever we are facing.

When the craziness of what is going on around us tries to overwhelm us or when change enters our lives, putting into practice one or more of these “wonders” will help us retain our sanity and remain positive.  These seven “wonders” help keep us centered and grounded.  They help us maintain balance in our lives.  Think about it?  If we aren’t able to practice one or more of these “wonders,” our lives tend to become chaotic making it less likely for us to deal with our challenges and changes let alone what is going on around us.   Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. (a licensed clinical psychologist, the co-founder and former director of the Mind/body Clinical Programs at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center, Harvard Medical School, and a leading expert on stress, spirituality, and the mind/body connection) reminds us, “Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.”  We can choose to practice peace by consistently using and sharing the “wonderful things” we all possess.  Again I ask, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all showed more compassion, kindness, patience, tolerance, and civility toward each other?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all smiled more often?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to hear more laughter in our days?  Remember, using and sharing the “wonderful things” we all possess not  only helps keep us centered but it also helps us do our part to make the world a more loving and caring place.

AN OASIS OF SERENITY

During a fund drive on my favorite classical music radio station, one donor described the station as her “oasis of serenity.”  Wow, I thought!  How true.  I always feel calm, at peace, and relaxed when listening to classical music.  And, those adjectives certainly are part of an oasis and serenity.  An oasis is a pleasant or peaceful area in the midst of a difficult place or situation.  Serenity is a state of peace amid difficulty; it is being calm, at peace, untroubled.

In these times of “life overload” where every moment of every day can be filled with something to do; where we’re connected 24/7; where our technology (iPhones, iPads, Smartphones, computers, etc.) seems to be an extension of our hands; where our attention is drawn to every ding, ping, or sound of that technology, we all need an oasis of serenity to help us slow down a bit, to help us “refuel” on those busy days, to help us find ourselves when we got lost in the busyness, or to find perspective when we are overwhelmed.

An oasis of serenity may also help us let go of our stresses and worries.  I am reminded of a story about a psychologist who walked around a room while conducting a stress management seminar.  As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question.  Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?”  Answers ranged from 8 ounces to 20 ounces.  She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter.  It depends on how long I hold it.  If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem.  If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm.  If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed.  In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.  She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water.  Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt.  And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.  Remember to put the glass down.”

So to help us put “down the glass with our stresses and worries,”  slow down, refuel, find ourselves or find perspective, let’s focus this week on some ways we can create our own oases of serenity.  These are in no particular order and one or more than one can be used as our lives dictate.

SCHEDULE “ME” TIME. Make an appointment (just as ones for doctors or meetings are made) with ourselves.  Thirty minutes is ideal, but even five minutes can work wonders.  In this time, we need to do something that brings a smile to our face and brings calm and relaxation into our midst.

HAVE PERSONAL PEACE CONFERENCES.  These conferences give us time to reconnect with ourselves, assess what is going on around us, and determine how to proceed with things.  There should be no technology present at these conferences.  Enjoy the peace and quiet.

RECHARGE WITH SOME FRESH AIR.  The atmosphere outside the four walls of our offices and homes provides a refreshing change of pace that recharges our minds and our spirits.  Take in the smells, the sounds, the sights and allow them to refresh and invigorate us.

SMILE.  Smiling is an expression that denotes pleasure, happiness, or joy.  Smiles allow us to feel the bright side of life and feel and think in a more positive way.  And, when we feel positive or happy or joyful, we are more likely to be serene and peaceful.

LISTEN TO OUR INNER VOICE.  Jonathan Lockwood Huie (author and “philosopher of happiness”) tells us, “Your inner voice always knows what to do, but it is a quiet voice.  You can only hear the whisperings of your inner voice – your inner compass – when you turn down the volume of your fears, your regrets, your resentments, and the fear-based advice your neighbors are so willing to give you.”  Our inner voice is a short cut to serenity but we need to listen for it and heed its advice.

CHECK IN WITH OUR POSITIVE “POSSE.”  Surrounding ourselves with encouraging and positive people helps keep energy vampires from stealing our peace of mind, our serenity.

FORGIVE.  When we let go of and move beyond old hurts, resentments, memories, and anger we give ourselves the gift of peace.  Forgiving ourselves and others is very empowering and freeing.  Forgiveness opens space for serenity to take hold and blossom.

CREATE A BLESSINGS OR GRATITUDE LIST.  Looking at our lives through a lens of gratitude makes the good seem even better, the not-so-good look good, and makes us more appreciative of things and helps us focus on the positive.   When we are in a positive frame of mind, we tend to have a sense of tranquility, calm, and peace (all of which help with our serenity).

POWER NAP.  Being well rested helps us find serenity.  During a busy day when energy lags, refresh the mind, body and spirit with a quick power nap. Twenty minutes is ideal but even five minutes can do wonders for us.

PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE.  Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle advises, “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”  Acceptance means recognizing and understanding our current situation and what we can and cannot change within it.   When we are able to do this, it releases much stress from us and allows us to move forward in a calmer manner.

DO A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS.  Being kind to others makes us feel good about ourselves.  Feeling good about ourselves leads to an inner peace.  That inner peace provides an oasis of serenity for us.

CREATE SERENITY SPACE IN YOUR HOME /YARD.  We can physically create spaces of serenity in our homes, inside and out.  Inside, it can be as simple as decluttering (whether it is the entire house, one room, one flat surface, our desk).  Why declutter?  Because it is hard to relax when there we are inundated with too much “stuff.”  We can also create spaces that give us peace and serenity by the colors we choose, how we design the layout of furniture, and how we accessorize.  Outside, we can have “serenity gardens” or places of quiet and solitude that help us maintain a sense of calm.

It is up to us to bring peace into the moments of chaos in our lives.  We all have the capability to do so.  We all have the capability of creating our own oasis of serenity in the midst of our busyness. We just need to take the time to do so.  It doesn’t have to be complex; it can be very simple.  No excuses.  Take one of the suggestions for a “test drive” this week and see what happens.

BLESSINGS IN DISGUISE

 If you are like me, you are wondering how it got to be the week of the Thanksgiving holiday already!  For most, this is a time to be grateful for all our blessings, especially family and friends.  A week ago, I spent time with family when we celebrated the life of Aunt Mary Ann who departed this world suddenly and unexpectedly. While the occasion for our gathering was sad, reflecting on all the wonderful memories and good times with Aunt Mary Ann made us all realize what a blessing she was in our lives and what a blessing all of our friends and family are.  Her passing brings to the family a major change.  And within that change there are, indeed, many blessings.  So, this week of Thanksgiving, this week of giving thanks and being grateful, let’s take a look at the blessings in disguise change brings us.

By definition, a blessing is something that helps you or brings happiness.  A blessing in disguise is something that at first seems bad, but later turns out to be beneficial or good.  A blessing in disguise is certainly how I would describe a lot of changes. At first the change may seem like the worst thing that can happen to us (loss of a loved one; loss of a job; loss of a relationship; loss of the familiar; loss of sameness, the comfortable; loss of the certain; loss of a tradition; loss of our comfort zone, our sense of security; loss of our sense of purpose and perhaps even direction; loss of control, space, power, social/role identity, or influence).  But, once we look beyond what has changed, we might be able to see the blessing(s) that the change holds.  As Oscar Wilde said, “What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.”

I often reflect on many good things that have come about as a result of major or seismic changes.  The Walsh family’s story is a perfect example.  In 1981, John and Reve Walsh’s six-year-old son, Adam, was abducted and later found murdered.  The Walsh’s didn’t wallow in their grief, but instead, found a positive outlet for it, an outlet which since has helped many children.  They helped pass the Missing Children’s Act of 1982 and the Missing Children’s Assistance Act of 1984.  The latter bill founded the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, which maintains a toll-free hotline number to report a missing child or the sighting of one.  In 1983, the Walsh’s story was made into a television movie with a sequel that aired in 1986.  Following the broadcasts, a list of missing children was featured. All of this led to the recovery of 65 youngsters.  They also founded the Adam Walsh Child Resource Center, a non-profit organization dedicated to legislative reform (this eventually merged with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children).  In 1988, John Walsh took his crime-fighting passion to TV’s America’s Most Wanted.  This show has helped capture over one thousand criminals, including 15 from the FBI’s most wanted list.

 

The Walsh story is but one example of taking a seismic change, recognizing the blessing in disguise, and then doing something about it.  John and his wife could have let the murder of their son “do them in.”  They could have become reclusive, bitter, and negative about everything.  Instead, they “moved with the change,” dedicated their lives to victims’ rights, and in doing so, have made a world of positive difference for so many.

Change happens all the time.  We can choose not to cooperate, but it will still happen.  As Evette Gardner said in her April 2010 blog on The Blessing of Change, “But when you move with change, even in amid earth-shattering situations there’s reason to feel joy because you understand that even these situations are not guaranteed to last. Change is always promised…But, you have to go through change willingly in order to come out of it joyfully. There has to be some level of acceptance of your present situation before you can realize peace about it.”

We know that nothing in life is forever.  When we accept this premise, then we can see that life gives us these moments, these blessings in disguise to take us to a place (physically, emotionally, and/or mentally) that we need to be in order to accomplish something that is meant to be.   Think about what the Walsh family accomplished. Think about the many named scholarships out there that help others achieve an education.  Think about groups like MADD that help spread a message that helps others.   All of these examples are blessings, blessings that arose out of seismic changes that happened to someone.  All are blessings in disguise.

Amaka Imani Nkosazana in Release The Ink tells us, “Tough times don’t last always.  Your hard times are there to shape you and develop your character.  It causes you to become more aware of life and you develop an attitude of gratitude. Don’t lose hope because it gets better.”   The next time a major or seismic change enters your life, go with the flow of it.  Mourn the loss; get angry over what happened, but eventually move on.  When you do move on, make choices that help make sense of the change.  Make choices that help bring a ray of sunshine into your and into the lives of others.  Make choices that will make a positive difference.  As Mike Ericksen says in Upon Destiny’s Song, “I truly believe we can either see the connections, celebrate them, and express gratitude for our blessings, or we can see life as a string of coincidences that have no meaning or connection.  For me, I’m going to believe in miracles, celebrate life, rejoice in the views of eternity and hope my choices will create a positive ripple effect in the lives of others. This is my choice.”

I hope that is your choice too.  I hope you look for the blessings in disguise that come your way day in and day out, but especially in times of major and seismic change.  Latch on to those blessings and make something positive happen for you and for others.    At this time of year when we take time to be grateful for the people and things in our lives, let us also be grateful for the many blessings in disguise and where those blessings can lead us.

DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

Last Monday was the first day for residents in our township to use our new 65-gallon recycling carts. Very specific instructions came with these carts: what materials would be accepted; what materials would not be accepted; what way they must face; and, what distance they must be from garbage cans, mailboxes, vehicles. The former recycling bins were no longer  to be used.   I noticed that some of my neighbors still had their former bin out. Some had the new cart right up against their garbage can.  And , others had their carts facing the wrong way.

I happened to be outside when the waste management truck came up our hill, and I watched to see how the driver would handle everything. The truck is equipped with automated arms that are used to pick up the carts and dump the recyclables into the truck. BUT, the arms are only on one side of the truck.  (Our road is a short one that dead ends at the top of the hill.  Only way for this type of truck to work on our road is for it to come up and do one side, back down, then back up to do the other side.)  At each house, the driver had to get out the truck, walk to the other side of the road, roll the cart to the truck, line it up, and then activate the arms to do their “thing” with the cart. (OK, so much for automation and a time saver for the driver!) Seeing this, my husband went over and asked him if it would be helpful if we all put the carts on the same side of the road for him. His response, “It doesn’t matter. This is fine.” He further went on to say, “No big deal. This is day one of the new system. We’ll see how things work out.” 
I LOVED this man’s response. Rather than being angry or upset over having to do a lot of extra work, he just took things in stride. Right away, “don’t sweat the small stuff” popped into my mind. His reaction to the change in how he did his job got me to thinking that the philosophy of “don’t sweat the small stuff” is a good one for all of us to follow when we are dealing with change.

The term “don’t sweat the small stuff…and it’s all small stuff” was coined by Dr. Wayne Dyer after a foreign publisher used an endorsement by Dr. Dyer from a previous publication for a current book by Richard Carlson for which permission hadn’t been received.   Dr. Carlson wrote an apology to Dr. Dyer, explaining the situation and all that he was doing to rectify the situation. Dr. Dyer responded to Dr. Carlson with the following, “Richard. There are two rules for living in harmony. #1) Don’t sweat the small stuff and #2) It’s all small stuff. Let the quote stand. Love, Wayne.”

 

The phrase comes from the book by the same name written by Richard Carlson. In the introduction to the book he writes, “Whenever we’re dealing with bad news, a difficult person, or a disappointment of some kind, most of us get into certain habits, ways of reacting to life – particularly adversity – that don’t serve us very well. We overreact, blow things out of proportion, hold on too tightly, and focus on the negative aspects of life. When we are immobilized by little things…our (over-) reactions not only make us frustrated but actually get in the way of getting what we want.”

Those words describe how many of us react to change. We may overreact, we may blow things out of proportion, we may hold on too tightly to what was, and we may focus on the negative of what is happening in the changed environment. In times of change, we need to learn how to replace our old habits of reaction with new habits of perspective (ah, my waste management worker was practicing “new habits of perspective” on his route day one with the new carts). So, this week, I’d like to explore some strategies that will help you do just that and that will help you respond to life and the changes it brings a little “more gracefully.” 
Don’t sweat the small stuff tells us to not worry about little problems, trivial or unimportant issues, nor to worry about things that are not important. Easier said than done, right? Why is it so hard to not sweat the small stuff? It is hard because worry tends to be a type of overthinking where we focus on things that are out of our control (as can be so much of the stuff in a changed environment). Winston Churchill once said, “When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” So, what are some things we can do to practice not sweating the small stuff?

Keep Things in Perspective. Don’t be overwhelmed by small things; try to see the bigger picture. For whatever is worrying/bothering/causing you concern, how big a deal is it really? What effect is the issue really having on your life? Is it truly important or is it a “side” issue? If truly important, stop worrying and just take action. If insignificant, stop worrying, don’t give it any importance, and move on. 

Stay Focused. When you let your mind wander, there is a good chance that it will wander to the “dark side” and have you thinking of the negative instead of the positive, especially if you are worried about the changed environment.  If you keep your mind focused on the present, you have a better chance of avoiding unpleasant and unproductive thoughts. 

Control Your Thoughts. Jon Gordon, in his book The Shark and The Goldfish, said, “If you think your best days are ahead of you, they are. If you think your best days are behind you, they are.” You are in control of your thoughts. The key to reducing anxiety and worry is learning the ability to control your thoughts.  You have the ability to decide which thoughts to pursue and which thoughts to reject. Learning that you control you mind is the first step to beating worry.

Today is What is Important. Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. Yesterday happened, tomorrow is not here yet, so all we really have is today. A common source of worry is using too much mental energy on the past or future. This is not to say that you should not plan for the future or take into consideration things from the past, but many of us spend too much time worrying about what has happened or what could happen. Try to take the unknowns of life and put them in the back of your mind, instead of trying to figure out every solution. You will be surprised about how many times answers will come to you when you are able to do this.

Delay Worrying. If you find yourself worried about something that has not yet happened, try telling yourself, “let me worry about this tomorrow; there is no need to worry about it today because it won’t happen for quite a while anyway.” Whenever the issue comes to mind, just delay worrying for another day. The fact is that most worries never occur; delaying them is just a clever way of dealing with our negative mind. The nature of our mind is to create problems and things to worry about, but this is a way to forget about them.

Take Action. When we worry about things we can become paralyzed by fear. Rather than just worrying, think very carefully about what practical steps you can take to deal with the issue.  If you just worry and feel powerless the issue will not go away, but will continue to take up space in the back of your mind. By taking action and working towards a resolution you will feel like you have more control over the issue.  Some issues shouldn’t be ignored and may require action; however, for other worries there are no steps that you can take because the worry is mostly imaginary. If you realize there is nothing you can actually do, this is a very good reason to stop worrying about it.

Learn to relax. Relaxation techniques are a great way to reduce anxiety and worries. They can also increase your ability to self-manage stress. Practiced regularly, relaxation techniques can counteract the debilitating effects of stress. Common relaxation techniques include deep breathing, guided imagery, meditation, listening to calming music, and activities like yoga and tai chi. 

Meditate. Daily meditation — instead of worrying — may help you move beyond negative thoughts and worries. With meditation, you purposefully pay attention to what is happening at the present moment without thinking of the past or future.

Have a strong social network.  We have talked a lot about the importance of having “touchstones” in our life especially when dealing with change. Our ‘touchstones’ can help us put things in perspective and help us stay focused. Sharing with them what we’re going through, venting to them, or just having them listen to what we’re worried about will go a long way helping us ‘not sweat the small stuff.’ Remember, friends provide a measure of stability that is most helpful when dealing with change. They listen, they encourage, they provide suggestions and advice, and they are just there to provide whatever support may be needed.

Talk to a professional therapist.  If you have tried the suggestions above, but still find that you are an ‘excessive worrier,’ you might benefit from professional counseling. A counselor or therapist can help you develop appropriate coping strategies to deal with issues that trigger excessive worrying.

There are always things to worry about, but, as it has often been said, worrying is not going to help. Shantideva’s advice is appropriate: “If the problem can be solved then why worry? If the problem cannot be solved, worrying will do you no good.” Either take practical steps to deal with the problem or don’t waste your time worrying about unnecessary things (or sweating the small stuff). The key is to live in the present moment; when we worry we are thinking of the future or past and this prevents us from enjoying the present moment. To reduce worries and anxieties is not to ignore problems – it means we work toward solutions rather than just thinking of bad outcomes. As Dr. Dyer says, “There are two rules for living in harmony. #1) Don’t sweat the small stuff and #2) It’s all small stuff.”  I hope that your coming days are full of harmony because you are no longer sweating the small stuff!