“SAY YES TO THE EXPERIENCE OF LIFE”

William Shatner (an American actor who was the original Star Trek captain) says that one of the messages in his memoir Live Long And…? is “Say yes to the experience of life.”  I came across that gem on the heels of watching the Bedford County Players’ production of the Christmas classic It’s A Wonderful Life.  (If not familiar with  It’s A Wonderful Life, it is a 1946 American  Christmas fantasy comedy-drama film produced and directed by Frank Capra, based on the short story and booklet The Greatest Gift, which Philip Van Doren Stern wrote in 1939 and published privately in 1945.  The story centers on George Bailey who has given up his dreams in order to help others, and whose imminent suicide on Christmas Eve brings about the intervention of his guardian angel, Clarence Oddbody. Clarence shows George all the lives he has touched, and how different life in his community of Bedford Falls would be if he had never been born.  The story highlights hope, redemption, and finding yourself and your worth.)

George Bailey was leading a wonderful and very meaningful life but he didn’t realize it.  (I think many of us feel that same way at times.)   When George’s Uncle Billy misplaces $8,000 George feels responsible and unable to come with funds, he despairs and feels with the value of his life insurance policy, he is worth more dead than alive.  (Maybe not to the degree of George Bailey, but many of us can relate to feeling rock bottom when things in our life seem so out of control.)

With the help of divine intervention in the form of a guardian angel as well as the support of family and friends, George is able to see that he has had a profound positive influence on so many people and on the direction the community of Bedford Falls has taken.

 Like George, we sometimes need a seismic event to help us see the good, the positive in our own lives.  But, it shouldn’t take that for us to have a wonderful life; for us to “say yes to the experience of life.”   If we focus on living a meaningful life day in and day out, we will be better positioned to truly experience life in a wonderful way.  A meaningful life is one that is grounded in a sense of purpose that goes beyond our day-to-day routines.  Living a meaningful life involves authenticity, purpose, connection, compassion, living with intention in the present moment (mindfulness), and positive thinking.  This week, we will explore these six components in an effort to help us live meaningfully and to say yes to the experience of life.

AUTHENTICITY.   St. Francis de Sales (late 16^th/early 17^th century Bishop of Geneva who is honored as a saint in the Anglican and Catholic churches and who is known for his writings on the topic of spiritual direction and spiritual formation) says it best:  “Be who you are and be that well.”  We just need to be ourselves (and not an imitation of someone else).  When we don’t worry about what others think, we can live more freely and we have a far better chance of living a life that is meaningful.

PURPOSE.  Having a purpose (and one that reflects our principles and values) influences our ability to live a meaningful life.  Is your purpose in life to teach others, inspire or motivate others, help others,  lead others,  serve others,  heal others…?  What can you do to use/share to the fullest your skills, talents, or strengths?  What gives you a reason to get out of bed each morning and get on with the day?

CONNECTION.  Having a connection with others – family, friends, colleagues – helps provide a sense of purpose in our lives which in turn leads to a more meaningful life.

COMPASSION.  When we have empathy for others – when we see things with the eyes of another, listen with the ears of another, and feel with the heart of another – we are able to better understand what others are dealing with or going through.  And when we want to do something to alleviate that pain or distress, we exemplify compassion.   When we do help others, our own feelings of purpose and meaning are elevated.  (A side benefit is we are often grateful for what we have when we see with what others are struggling.) What compassion does for us personally is beautifully illustrated in It’s A Wonderful Life.  George Bailey needed an external force to remind him of the difference he made in the lives of others and how that truly added meaning to his life.

MINDFULNESS.  Abraham Joshua Heschel (a Polish-born American rabbi and one of the leading Jewish theologians and Jewish philosophers of the 20th century) said, “Life is routine and routine is resistance to wonder.” I would add, “Routine keeps us from realizing what is most meaningful moment-to-moment.”  (Think George Bailey again.)  There are always moments in our daily life that often go unnoticed that might be fleeting, yet meaningful.  Sometimes we have to break out of our routines to realize the meaning behind things.  And, sometimes it takes an external force (think Clarence the angel helping George Bailey) to see the meaning in aspects of our lives we take for granted or never give a second thought.  So, what is mindfulness?  Mindfulness is the intentionally-focused awareness of one’s immediate experience; it is being grounded in the present moment.

When we operate on auto-pilot and fill our days with the routine, we often tune out much going on around us.  We don’t see the gorgeous sunrise or the beauty of the autumn leaves or the smile something we did brought to the face of another.  But, if in our daily routine we take time to savor what is happening around us – if we take time to appreciate the present moment – then routine moments will become meaningful moments.

POSITIVE THINKING.  Attitude is a mental position relative to a way of thinking or being; a leaning toward that which you believe. A positive attitude is, therefore, the tendency to be in an optimistic, hopeful state of mind.  A positive attitude manifests itself in positive thinking.

Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and attract positive life experiences.  All of this helps us cope more easily with the daily affairs of life. Positive thoughts bring optimism into our lives and make it easier to avoid worry and negative thinking. With a positive attitude we see the bright side of life, become optimistic and expect the best to happen.

Positive thinking gives us power over our circumstances. It puts us in control and diminishes any power our circumstances have over us. Believing that we can overcome anything is half the battle.   That belief gives us confidence.  That belief steers us away from doubts which can immobilize us and turn our attention away from solutions.  That belief helps keep our attention on whatever the issue, whatever the challenge is.  (Think again of George Bailey and his lack of positive thinking just before Clarence entered his life and what impact that was having on him.  Think of George’s family and all on whom George had some type of impact. They were a very positive thinking group.)   If we let positive thinking guide us, it is easier to glean the meaning from daily activities.  It is easier to say yes to all of life’s experiences because we work from a foundation that keeps us uplifted and willing to face challenges.

This article posts on December 24, 2018.  December 24 is the day George Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life learns just how wonderful his life really is.   As we head into the final seven days of the year and begin to turn our thoughts and attention to a new year, we should all resolve to “say yes to the experience of life.”  We should resolve to lead a meaningful life in the new year by being true to ourselves (authentic), having a purpose, staying connected to others, showing compassion, living with intention in the present moment (mindfulness), and thinking positively.  Make 2019 an amazing year, one full of meaning, wonder, and experiences that bring us moments of awe!

BECOMING MINDFUL OF LIFE’S MEANINGFUL MOMENTS

 

In researching last week’s blog post on Appreciating the Moment, I came across the following story (which was an experiment arranged by the Washington Post and which appeared in a post on August 8, 2013 by Dr. Cynthia Thaik, Appreciate the Moment). This story shows how easy it is for us to get caught up in day-to-day things or caught up in our reaction to changes going on in our life that we forget to appreciate all that we do have and the beauty that surrounds us day-to-day:

“On a cold January morning, a man began to play the violin in a busy Washington, D.C., subway station. He played six different Bach pieces for a period of 45 minutes, as thousands of people streamed by. Some slowed down a bit to listen or drop some money in his violin case, but most shuffled past him in a rush to get to work. A mother and child walked by and the child tugged on his mother’s arm to stop and listen to the music, but irritated, she dragged him on towards the train. When the violinist stopped playing, there was no applause, just the sound of footsteps down the corridor.

What nobody realized was that the man was Joshua Bell, one of the world’s best violinists, and a performer who had sold out concerts at $100 a seat in Boston just two days before. In addition, he was playing some of the most sophisticated masterpieces ever written, on a violin valued at 3.5 million dollars. Yet, during the 45 minutes he played, a mere six people stopped to listen.”

Joshua Bell, subway experiment

Can you relate to the people in this story who didn’t stop to listen to the music? Have you ever dealt with a change that completely “paralyzed” you? Have you ever been so consumed by what was happening to you or so focused on something that you failed to notice anything around you? I think most of us can answer ‘yes’ to one or to all of these questions. When we don’t stop to listen to the music or we get paralyzed by change or we are so consumed or focused on something we miss so much and we fail to live in the moment.

Simon and Garfunkel, in their 1966 The 59^th Street Bridge Song, tell us to “Slow down, you move too fast; You got to make the morning last; Just kicking down the cobblestones; Looking for fun and feeling groovy.” The message of this song is clear: slow down and enjoy life. Take time to enjoy life rather than rushing around and only tending to ‘have to’ or ‘must do.’ But, how do we stop or slow our busy lives to enjoy life; to enjoy the Joshua Bell moments that we might encounter?  Louisa May Alcott advises us to, “Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life will become a beautiful success.” Let’s explore other ways to slow down so we can become mindful of and enjoy life’s meaningful moments.

Break out of our routines. Remember the classic movie It’s A Wonderful Life? It starred Jimmy Stewart as George Bailey and Donna Reed as his wife, Mary? George Bailey gets so caught up in his daily routine and his work and issues related to work that he loses sight of all the beauty and wonder around him. It takes his guardian angel, Clarence, to show him the impact that he personally and his life has had on his hometown and its people. Abraham Joshua Heschel said, “Life is routine and routine is resistance to wonder.” I would add routine keeps us from realizing what is most meaningful moment-to-moment. Some of you have heard me say in the past, “There is no such thing as a bad day.” I truly believe this. No matter what, you cannot have 24 hours of bad. There will always be something good, something positive even amid what we individually perceive to be “bad.” There are always moments in your daily life that often go unnoticed that might be fleeting, yet meaningful. Why might these be meaningful? Because just like anything else, it often takes the act of something being taken away from us to really recognize the meaning of it. Sometimes we have to break out of our routines to realize the meaning behind things. (And, sometimes it takes an external force – think Clarence the angel helping George Bailey to see the meaning in aspects of his life he took for granted or never gave a second thought.)

Turn off the autopilot. Have you ever felt as if you were operating on autopilot? The switch is on and you are just going through the motions of everyday things? I am sure we have all felt like that a time or two. The issue with being on autopilot is we miss so much. We miss the gorgeous sunrises. We miss beautiful rainbows. We miss the smiles other are giving us. We miss the relaxation in a quiet moment. We miss the Joshua Bells in our midst. We need to turn off that autopilot so we don’t miss or tune out those simple things that are so important to our mental health especially meaningful moments.

Outer Banks, North Carolina

Put your ‘wide angle’ lens to use. Sometimes we just need to come out of the zone we put ourselves in. (Think again of George Bailey and the tunnel vision he was employing when he felt things would have been better had he never been born.) Athletes are a great example of this. They put themselves in a zone of total concentration and block out what is happening around them. However, there are times when we do need to be cognizant of what is going on around us. For example, in the 2016 Summer Olympics, during a qualifying race for the women’s 5,000m, the feet of USA’s Abbey D’Agostino and New Zealand’s Nikki Hamblin got tangled up and both racers fell to the ground. Instead of just getting up and continuing with the race, D’Agostino got up and went to Hamblin, helped her up and urged the New Zealander on. For D’Agostino, it wasn’t just the right thing to do, it was the only thing. D’Agostino showed all of us what stepping out of the zone can do.

Maintain a positive attitude. Attitude is a mental position relative to a way of thinking or being; a leaning toward that which you believe. A positive attitude is a leaning to generally be in an optimistic, hopeful state of mind. A positive attitude manifests itself in positive thinking. A positive attitude helps us to cope more easily with life by bringing optimism into our lives and by helping us avoid worry and negative thinking. With a positive attitude we see the bright side of life, become optimistic and expect the best to happen. (Think again of George Bailey and his lack of positive thinking just before Clarence entered his life and what impact that was having on him. Think of George’s family and all on whom George had some type of impact. They were a very positive thinking group.)

Look for the wonder in ordinary things. In past posts, I have talked a lot about our inner child and how sometimes we need to let our inner child out so we can have a sense of wonder and curiosity about things we may take for granted.   Our inner child is able to easily find the joy in most anything. Our adult self needs to do the same. There is much joy in each day; we just need to look for it. Take notice of small things. Savor those moments that bring a smile to your face. Pass on a smile. Discover the beauty and wonder that surrounds us but that we often don’t see because we don’t take the time. Smell the flowers.   Delight in a child’s laugh. Stand in awe of the fireworks. Savor the taste of a tomato freshly picked from a garden. (Again, reflect on George Bailey and how his ability to see the wonder in ordinary things changed after his time with Clarence.)

July 5, 2016
Double rainbow in author’s yard

Gandhi said, “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” He was so right! We miss out on so much when we multi-task and try to fit 36 hours of stuff into 24. We miss the Joshua Bell moments that we come upon. When we are dealing with difficult stuff, especially difficult stuff brought about by change, we do need to slow down and take things in stride. We need to break out of our routines, turn off the autopilot, put on our wide angle lens, maintain a positive attitude, and look for the wonder in ordinary things. By doing these five things, we will be in a much better position to deal with the difficult in our life in a productive and positive manner. And, we will be much better off and happier by doing so. (Revisit the movie It’s a Wonderful Life to see how George Bailey, with a little help from a ‘friend,’ was able to reclaim his life and all that was important to him.)