APPRECIATING OUR STRUGGLES

Most of my days and weeks move along in a pleasant, routine manner so when I encounter a week where each day holds many challenging moments, it is very noticeable.  I shouldn’t be surprised because in our life journey, we will all face challenges at some point along the way.  These challenges may come in the form of problems, difficulties, issues, obstacles, barriers, or hardships.  Some of us will work through each of these without a second thought.  Some of us, upon encountering the challenge, will turn to someone else to try and deal with it.  Some of us will view these challenges as negative events in our lives and let them overwhelm us.   However, if we take a breath, step back, move beyond any emotional reaction, and approach any challenges one at time, with some thought and creativity, we will be move beyond each and every challenge.

 Dealing with challenges reminds me of the following story:

 

One day, a girl came upon a cocoon, and she could tell that a butterfly was trying to hatch. She waited and watched the butterfly struggle for hours to release itself from the tiny hole. All of a sudden, the butterfly stopped moving–it seemed to be stuck.

The girl then decided to help get the butterfly out. She went home to get a pair of scissors to cut open the cocoon. The butterfly was then easily able to escape, however, its body was swollen and its wings were underdeveloped. 

The girl still thought she had done the butterfly a favor as she sat there waiting for its wings to grow in order to support its body. However, that wasn’t happening. The butterfly was unable to fly, and for the rest of its life, it could only move by crawling around with little wings and a large body.

Despite the girl’s good intentions, she didn’t understand that the restriction of the butterfly’s cocoon and the struggle the butterfly had to go through in order to escape served an important purpose. As butterflies emerge from tight cocoons, it forces fluid from their body into their wings to prepare them to be able to fly.

Just as the challenges the butterfly faced before hatching helped it prepare to have strong wings, so it is with us.  The challenges we face along our life journey help us grow and become stronger.  There is often a reason behind our challenges, one we may not understand at the time of dealing with the challenge.  But, if we are patient with ourselves and are persistent, we will find the strength that we need to deal with the current challenge as well as future ones.

We should appreciate any challenge, any struggle, along our life’s path because these challenges, these struggles offer us opportunities to:

Determine what is important and what direction we really want to take. The challenge really offers us an opportunity to make changes or improve on something.

Re-evaluate ourselves, especially our goals, attitude, behavior, and priorities.  The challenge gives us an opportunity to ‘reset’ things in our life.

Develop new skills, experiences, and knowledge.  Challenges often force us to grow in ways we never thought possible.

Take control and focus on solutions (rather than the situation/the challenge).  By doing this we do not give any power to the situation/the problem, but rather, give the power to working on solving and moving beyond the situation.

Learn how to enjoy the moment. Life is a series of highs and lows, but we can’t allow our lows to snatch our joy and dictate our feelings. Learn to enjoy every moment of every day despite what life presents. The more we practice, the better we will be at enjoying the moment. Focusing on solutions keeps our thoughts in the moment, and what we can accomplish in the now.

Trust ourselves to overcome future challenges.  If we can successfully get through whatever we are facing now, we can do it again with the next challenge.

Show ourselves that we can cope even when things are tough.  While the challenge may be tough emotionally and/or physically, our ability to get through it shows us that we do have the capability to persevere and cope.

Discover our inner strength and resilience.  We are stronger than we give ourselves credit and challenges show us just how much we can endure.

Relish in a sense of accomplishment when we overcome the challenge.  No matter how big or small the challenge is, getting beyond it brings not only a sense of relief but also a sense of accomplishing something.  Overcoming challenges makes us feel good and brings us joy.

Boost our confidence level.  Overcoming challenges increases the faith and belief we have in ourselves and our ability to handle whatever may come our way.

Feel empowered, motivated, and inspired.  The confidence we gain from overcoming challenges makes us feel more empowered and in control of our life.  The sense of control motivates us and inspires us to continue dealing with future challenges.

Be a role model for someone who may experience a similar challenge. Our actions and our growth may provide the inspiration for someone to tackle their challenge instead of falling victim to it.

Kemi Sogunle (author and certified life coach) said, “The tests we face in life’s journey are not to reveal our weaknesses but to help us discover our inner strengths. We can only know how strong we are when we strive and thrive beyond the challenges we face.”  How true is that?  If we can remember to appreciate our struggles, our challenges, we will truly discover what we’re made of. We all have something inside of us that is greater than any challenge that we may encounter on our life journey.  We do grow in some way from all of life’s experiences we face and challenges we overcome.  That growth in itself is a good thing!!

“SAY YES TO THE EXPERIENCE OF LIFE”

William Shatner (an American actor who was the original Star Trek captain) says that one of the messages in his memoir Live Long And…? is “Say yes to the experience of life.”  I came across that gem on the heels of watching the Bedford County Players’ production of the Christmas classic It’s A Wonderful Life.  (If not familiar with  It’s A Wonderful Life, it is a 1946 American  Christmas fantasy comedy-drama film produced and directed by Frank Capra, based on the short story and booklet The Greatest Gift, which Philip Van Doren Stern wrote in 1939 and published privately in 1945.  The story centers on George Bailey who has given up his dreams in order to help others, and whose imminent suicide on Christmas Eve brings about the intervention of his guardian angel, Clarence Oddbody. Clarence shows George all the lives he has touched, and how different life in his community of Bedford Falls would be if he had never been born.  The story highlights hope, redemption, and finding yourself and your worth.)

George Bailey was leading a wonderful and very meaningful life but he didn’t realize it.  (I think many of us feel that same way at times.)   When George’s Uncle Billy misplaces $8,000 George feels responsible and unable to come with funds, he despairs and feels with the value of his life insurance policy, he is worth more dead than alive.  (Maybe not to the degree of George Bailey, but many of us can relate to feeling rock bottom when things in our life seem so out of control.)

With the help of divine intervention in the form of a guardian angel as well as the support of family and friends, George is able to see that he has had a profound positive influence on so many people and on the direction the community of Bedford Falls has taken.

 Like George, we sometimes need a seismic event to help us see the good, the positive in our own lives.  But, it shouldn’t take that for us to have a wonderful life; for us to “say yes to the experience of life.”   If we focus on living a meaningful life day in and day out, we will be better positioned to truly experience life in a wonderful way.  A meaningful life is one that is grounded in a sense of purpose that goes beyond our day-to-day routines.  Living a meaningful life involves authenticity, purpose, connection, compassion, living with intention in the present moment (mindfulness), and positive thinking.  This week, we will explore these six components in an effort to help us live meaningfully and to say yes to the experience of life.

AUTHENTICITY.   St. Francis de Sales (late 16^th/early 17^th century Bishop of Geneva who is honored as a saint in the Anglican and Catholic churches and who is known for his writings on the topic of spiritual direction and spiritual formation) says it best:  “Be who you are and be that well.”  We just need to be ourselves (and not an imitation of someone else).  When we don’t worry about what others think, we can live more freely and we have a far better chance of living a life that is meaningful.

PURPOSE.  Having a purpose (and one that reflects our principles and values) influences our ability to live a meaningful life.  Is your purpose in life to teach others, inspire or motivate others, help others,  lead others,  serve others,  heal others…?  What can you do to use/share to the fullest your skills, talents, or strengths?  What gives you a reason to get out of bed each morning and get on with the day?

CONNECTION.  Having a connection with others – family, friends, colleagues – helps provide a sense of purpose in our lives which in turn leads to a more meaningful life.

COMPASSION.  When we have empathy for others – when we see things with the eyes of another, listen with the ears of another, and feel with the heart of another – we are able to better understand what others are dealing with or going through.  And when we want to do something to alleviate that pain or distress, we exemplify compassion.   When we do help others, our own feelings of purpose and meaning are elevated.  (A side benefit is we are often grateful for what we have when we see with what others are struggling.) What compassion does for us personally is beautifully illustrated in It’s A Wonderful Life.  George Bailey needed an external force to remind him of the difference he made in the lives of others and how that truly added meaning to his life.

MINDFULNESS.  Abraham Joshua Heschel (a Polish-born American rabbi and one of the leading Jewish theologians and Jewish philosophers of the 20th century) said, “Life is routine and routine is resistance to wonder.” I would add, “Routine keeps us from realizing what is most meaningful moment-to-moment.”  (Think George Bailey again.)  There are always moments in our daily life that often go unnoticed that might be fleeting, yet meaningful.  Sometimes we have to break out of our routines to realize the meaning behind things.  And, sometimes it takes an external force (think Clarence the angel helping George Bailey) to see the meaning in aspects of our lives we take for granted or never give a second thought.  So, what is mindfulness?  Mindfulness is the intentionally-focused awareness of one’s immediate experience; it is being grounded in the present moment.

When we operate on auto-pilot and fill our days with the routine, we often tune out much going on around us.  We don’t see the gorgeous sunrise or the beauty of the autumn leaves or the smile something we did brought to the face of another.  But, if in our daily routine we take time to savor what is happening around us – if we take time to appreciate the present moment – then routine moments will become meaningful moments.

POSITIVE THINKING.  Attitude is a mental position relative to a way of thinking or being; a leaning toward that which you believe. A positive attitude is, therefore, the tendency to be in an optimistic, hopeful state of mind.  A positive attitude manifests itself in positive thinking.

Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and attract positive life experiences.  All of this helps us cope more easily with the daily affairs of life. Positive thoughts bring optimism into our lives and make it easier to avoid worry and negative thinking. With a positive attitude we see the bright side of life, become optimistic and expect the best to happen.

Positive thinking gives us power over our circumstances. It puts us in control and diminishes any power our circumstances have over us. Believing that we can overcome anything is half the battle.   That belief gives us confidence.  That belief steers us away from doubts which can immobilize us and turn our attention away from solutions.  That belief helps keep our attention on whatever the issue, whatever the challenge is.  (Think again of George Bailey and his lack of positive thinking just before Clarence entered his life and what impact that was having on him.  Think of George’s family and all on whom George had some type of impact. They were a very positive thinking group.)   If we let positive thinking guide us, it is easier to glean the meaning from daily activities.  It is easier to say yes to all of life’s experiences because we work from a foundation that keeps us uplifted and willing to face challenges.

This article posts on December 24, 2018.  December 24 is the day George Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life learns just how wonderful his life really is.   As we head into the final seven days of the year and begin to turn our thoughts and attention to a new year, we should all resolve to “say yes to the experience of life.”  We should resolve to lead a meaningful life in the new year by being true to ourselves (authentic), having a purpose, staying connected to others, showing compassion, living with intention in the present moment (mindfulness), and thinking positively.  Make 2019 an amazing year, one full of meaning, wonder, and experiences that bring us moments of awe!