During a recent visit, my nephew and I were reminiscing about when he was a young child. I shared a story with him from when he was three years old. He had seen the Tarzan movie twice and he was really into the “aminals” (as he said) of the movie. He had a stuffed elephant – Tantor – that was really cute. I commented that Tantor had personality. He said to me, “No he doesn’t, Aunt Becky. He has a trunk!”
My nephew, at age three, was very bright so I often forgot that at that age he was still very much in the literal and concrete phase of development. The concept of personality was too abstract for him. Reflecting on that story reminds me of how we sometimes are that way too. We, too, can get stuck in one mode of thinking especially when unexpected or unwanted change takes us by surprise and/or when we are stressed to our limit. And, if the change reshapes things in our lives (somewhat like a switch from the concrete to the abstract), we may have difficulty understanding and interpreting what is now in front of us. Fear and not knowing are two key factors that tend to keep our mind stuck in one mode of thinking. So, what can we do? This week, I would like to explore seven things we can do when we are stuck in one mode of thinking; things that might help us release the hold change has on our way of thinking and our way of seeing things. We can:
REDUCE STRESS. It isn’t hard for our mind to get stuck on one thing when we feel stressed (a normal physical response to events that make us feel threatened or upset our balance in some way) and unwanted or unexpected change can certainly put us into a stressed frame of mind. We need to work toward a state of calm by engaging in relaxation activities, activities that should be matched to how we react to stress. The chart below will help in determining your most effective relaxation technique.
| Stress response | Characteristics under stress | Best stress relief activities | Examples of relaxation techniques |
| Overexcited | angry, agitated, heated, overly emotional, unable to sit still, keyed up | ones that quiet you down | meditation, deep breathing, guided imagery (visualization), progressive muscle relaxation |
| Under excited | depressed, withdrawn, shut down, show very little energy or emotion, spaced out | ones that are stimulating and energize your nervous system | rhythmic exercise |
| Frozen (both overexcited and under excited) | speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others; you look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated | Ones that provide both safety and stimulation to help you “reboot” your system | mindfulness walking, power yoga |
FOCUS ON THE HERE AND NOW. Unexpected or unwanted change can flash freeze our thoughts on what was, the past, or on what will be, the future. To help move beyond the “brain freeze,” we need to concentrate on the present moment. We need to relish the sights and sounds around us. Get into what is happening here and now. Taking in the present moment gives us a respite from all the thoughts that tend to hold our minds hostage to one mode of thinking.
TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF OURSELVES. The path we are to take in the changed environment will eventually reveal itself. We don’t have to have everything mapped out right away. Trying to determine how everything will work out or how we’ll make it in the long run only drains us and makes us feel more stuck. We need to give ourselves a break. Take some time to adjust and accept what has happened. Allow emotions to bubble to the surface. Acknowledge the feelings then let them go. When we begin to think rationally instead of emotionally, we’ll know we’re close to breaking through the stuck mode of thinking and that creative, helpful thoughts will soon help guide the way.
IGNORE THE THOUGHT KEEPING US STUCK. We need to avoid reinforcing and giving more power to what is keeping us stuck. The less attention we give it, the sooner it is likely to release its hold. Think of a child throwing a tantrum. The more the child is told to stop, the more attention given, the longer the tantrum. Walk away and let the child run out of ‘steam’ and the tantrum will end quicker. It is the same with our stuck way of thinking.
DO SOMETHING TO DISTRACT OUR MIND. Talk a walk. Dance. Sew. Knit. Crochet. Paint. Sing. Moving about and engaging the other parts of the brain will help expand our mind and our thinking.
SEEK A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE. When we get stuck in one mode of thinking, it is like not being able to see the forest for the trees. We need to gain a different perspective on what happened and where we may be going. Thinking critically (where we objectively analyze and evaluate the issue to form judgments) can help us see things from many different angles.
HAVE A SOUNDING BOARD. We are surrounded by lots of people by design – for a purpose. Talking things through with a friend, family member, or colleague may be just what it takes to jump start new thoughts and disengage from one mode of thinking.
Will Rogers (an American actor, cowboy, humorist, newspaper columnist, and social commentator) said, “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” To avoid getting “run over” by the ‘train of change,’ we need to make sure that when our mind gets stuck in one mode of thinking, we are proactive in taking steps to release the hold change has on our way of thinking and our way of seeing things. Only then will we be able to move forward on our journey.
Author Becky Johnen 