STUCK IN ONE MODE OF THINKING

During a recent visit, my nephew and I were reminiscing about when he was a young child.  I shared a story with him from when he was three years old.  He had seen the Tarzan movie twice and he was really into the “aminals” (as he said) of the movie.  He had a stuffed elephant – Tantor – that was really cute.  I commented that Tantor had personality.  He said to me, “No he doesn’t, Aunt Becky.  He has a trunk!”

My nephew, at age three, was very bright so I often forgot that at that age he was still very much in the literal and concrete phase of development. The concept of personality was too abstract for him.  Reflecting on that story reminds me of how we sometimes are that way too.  We, too, can get stuck in one mode of thinking especially when unexpected or unwanted change takes us by surprise and/or when we are stressed to our limit.   And, if the change reshapes things in our lives (somewhat like a switch from the concrete to the abstract), we may have difficulty understanding and interpreting what is now in front of us. Fear and not knowing are two key factors that tend to keep our mind stuck in one mode of thinking.  So, what can we do?   This week, I would like to explore seven things we can do when we are stuck in one mode of thinking; things that might help us release the hold change has on our way of thinking and our way of seeing things.  We can:

REDUCE STRESS. It isn’t hard for our mind to get stuck on one thing when we feel stressed (a normal physical response to events that make us feel threatened or upset our balance in some way) and unwanted or unexpected change can certainly put us into a stressed frame of mind.  We need to work toward a state of calm by engaging in relaxation activities, activities that should be matched to how we react to stress.  The chart below will help in determining your most effective relaxation technique.

Stress response	Characteristics under stress	Best stress relief activities	Examples of relaxation techniques
Overexcited	angry, agitated, heated, overly emotional, unable to sit still,  keyed up	ones that quiet you down	meditation, deep breathing, guided imagery (visualization), progressive muscle relaxation
Under excited	depressed, withdrawn, shut down, show very little energy or emotion, spaced out	ones that are stimulating and energize your nervous system	rhythmic exercise
Frozen (both overexcited and under excited)	speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others; you look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated	Ones that provide both safety and stimulation to help you “reboot” your system	mindfulness walking, power yoga

FOCUS ON THE HERE AND NOW.  Unexpected or unwanted change can flash freeze our thoughts on what was, the past, or on what will be, the future.  To help move beyond the “brain freeze,” we need to concentrate on the present moment.  We need to relish the sights and sounds around us.  Get into what is happening here and now.  Taking in the present moment gives us a respite from all the thoughts that tend to hold our minds hostage to one mode of thinking.

TAKE THE PRESSURE OFF OURSELVES.  The path we are to take in the changed environment will eventually reveal itself.  We don’t have to have everything mapped out right away.  Trying to determine how everything will work out or how we’ll make it in the long run only drains us and makes us feel more stuck.  We need to give ourselves a break.  Take some time to adjust and accept what has happened.  Allow emotions to bubble to the surface.  Acknowledge the feelings then let them go.  When we begin to think rationally instead of emotionally, we’ll know we’re close to breaking through the stuck mode of thinking and that creative, helpful thoughts will soon help guide the way.

IGNORE THE THOUGHT KEEPING US STUCK.  We need to avoid reinforcing and giving more power to what is keeping us stuck. The less attention we give it, the sooner it is likely to release its hold.  Think of a child throwing a tantrum.  The more the child is told to stop, the more attention given, the longer the tantrum.  Walk away and let the child run out of ‘steam’ and the tantrum will end quicker.  It is the same with our stuck way of thinking.

DO SOMETHING TO DISTRACT OUR MIND. Talk a walk. Dance.  Sew.  Knit.  Crochet.  Paint. Sing.  Moving about and engaging the other parts of the brain will help expand our mind and our thinking.

SEEK A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.  When we get stuck in one mode of thinking, it is like not being able to see the forest for the trees.  We need to gain a different perspective on what happened and where we may be going.  Thinking critically (where we objectively analyze and evaluate the issue to form judgments) can help us see things from many different angles.

HAVE A SOUNDING BOARD. We are surrounded by lots of people by design – for a purpose.  Talking things through with a friend, family member, or colleague may be just what it takes to jump start new thoughts and disengage from one mode of thinking.

Will Rogers (an American actor, cowboy, humorist, newspaper columnist, and social commentator) said, “Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”  To avoid getting “run over” by the ‘train of change,’ we need to make sure that when our mind gets stuck in one mode of thinking, we are proactive in taking steps to release the hold change has on our way of thinking and our way of seeing things.  Only then will we be able to move forward on our journey.

THINGS TO DO WHEN FEELING STUCK

This week, I want to talk about why the ability to keep moving forward is so important when dealing with change and transition. Have you ever felt so mired in something that you couldn’t move in any direction? Think about how frustrating it is when you are stuck in traffic and can’t move forward, backward or sideward. Not only can the inability to move be frustrating, but it can also be frightening.

Years ago, while on an adventure trip to a local lake that had been drained, my nephew and I both got stuck in the mud…literally. We were exploring the lake bed. My husband had warned us not to get too close to any wet, muddy spots. I was trailing my nephew to make sure he didn’t get into any kind of trouble. As it turned out, both he and I got stuck in the mud! (Not the stuff we had been warned about, but other stuff closer to the shore whose looks were deceiving.)

Oh my! Movement made things worse. It was like being in quicksand where any movement can make you sink a little further and further in the wrong direction. Anyway, while we weren’t sinking, we were unable to move. I think my nephew was too young to realize the danger we were in; it truly was an adventure to him. But, I was frightened.   Not being able to move or to make any progress in getting out of the mud was terrifying. (My husband eventually rescued us by extending a long branch that we grabbed on to and with which he pulled us from the mud.)

Sometimes it is the same with change. Some changes seem way too hard to deal with so we just give up; we quit; we just get “stuck in the mud.” It is easier to stay rooted in our comfort zone than to move out of it and deal with the change at hand. However, staying rooted does nothing to help us navigate the “changing environment.” We have to keep moving and keep moving forward; moving ahead and moving on.

I hear you asking, “But when the change seems too overwhelming and I do get “mired in the mud,” how do I even think about moving forward?”   Let’s take a look at some things to remember that might just help “release” you and get you moving forward when you are feeling stuck.

1. Acknowledge that you are stuck. When I was literally stuck in the mud, I was reluctant to admit it. I kept thinking if I just moved a certain way, I would be fine. Denial wasn’t serving me any purpose. Resisting only made things worse. Only when I realized that I was stuck was I able to think about options to get me out of my situation. Only when we acknowledge that we are stuck can we have the power to do something about it.
2. Ask for help. You are not alone. It may feel that way sometimes, but there are many people who would extend their hand and lift you up if asked. All you have to do is ask.
3. Know what you want. This isn’t about the how, only the what. In order to move forward in life, you need a firm foundation from which to step. Understanding what and where you want to go in life will provide your vision and spirit – your foundation. The how will figure itself out when you know you want to keep moving forward. Your feeling stuck may be a sign that you need to make some type of change in our life. And, being stuck is the invitation to that change. 
4. Focus. The mind must be clear on what it needs to focus. There are times when it is critical to focus on what is taking place at that time. Concentrate on what is most important or what appears to be the priority.
5. Trust. Everything happens for a reason. When you get hit hard and land on your back, look for the reasons and for the value in this. Open your heart and trust that this happened for a reason. Perhaps it was to test your determination or to alert you to the fact you were on the wrong path. Either way, trust that  the experience is happening for a reason and be open to making adjustments in order to keep moving forward.
6. Want it more. How badly do you want it? How badly do you really want to achieve what you are working so hard to accomplish? When you get hit hard, you have an opportunity to answer this question. It’s one thing to say you want to do something, or to be something. But to walk through the pain; to get up and keep moving forward knowing there may be more pain ahead, is a test of your determination and resolve. When you find yourself getting back on your feet, you have indeed answered this question and there’s no doubt you will keep moving forward.
7. Baby steps are OK. Don’t get overwhelmed if what you want to do or accomplish seems too big or seems like it will take too long. Marathons are made up of one step after another after another. It is fine to start with small steps. Those small steps will eventually get you to where to you want to be.  
8. Surround yourself with positive. Feeling stuck often comes with a lot of negative vibes. Remove those negative vibes from your life. Focus on the good, the positive and invite positive people into your inner circle.
9. Take 100% responsibility. Except in rare and unfortunate circumstances, you are responsible for the quality and condition of your life. Your career, your relationships and your happiness are all under your direct control. Sometimes we choose to do nothing when we get hit hard because it’s just easier and less painful that way. But the real pain is only deferred. You have to live with yourself. You have to live with the voice in your gut, your inner wisdom that says you gave up too soon or didn’t try hard enough. When you hear this inner voice speaking to you, it’s usually right. It’s your choice, then, to get up and keep moving forward.
10. Believe you are worthy. Whatever your goal, your dream, or your desire, you are worthy of achieving it. The closer you get to it is when the enemy of your soul will begin putting doubt in your mind by playing the self-limiting tapes that say you are not worthy. Replace these old tapes with a newer one that contains the truth – you are worthy to have your heart’s true desire and to keep moving forward. 
11. Forget regret. Leave your mistakes and regret in the past. They don’t define your value, then or now. When you stay in the past you become stuck and unable to move forward. We all have made mistakes with our job choices, friends and relationships. The consequences can hit us pretty hard. However, to begin learning how to put these experiences behind     us – by letting them go, we can begin to live in the here and now. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness and keep moving forward.
12. Learn from failure. Looking at a circumstance and figuring out what went wrong gives you some very important information. This review allows you to evaluate what worked and what didn’t, and more importantly, why. Often when you are removed from a situation, you can look at it more objectively which will allow you to make better choices to keep moving forward. 
13. Keep the Faith. Faith is a strong belief in something without proof or evidence At the end of the day when you are weary from all of the effort and energy you have expended and you are sore and tired from being ‘hit hard’ so many times, the one thing that tells you to keep going, to get up tomorrow and to keep moving forward, is your faith. Honor this and cherish it. Faith is what makes you human. It gives you energy and hope. And if you let it, your faith will deliver you to wherever you want to go in life. When it is meant to be, it will happen. 

As Denis Waitley said, “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”  When you feel stuck it means the existing conditions are no longer working for you. You need to do something about changing those conditions so you can keep moving and keep moving forward; moving ahead and moving on.