RESISTING THE URGE TO GIVE UP

Entrepreneur, author, performance coach, and speaker, Ed Mylett, said, “The PAST is where you learned the lesson. The FUTURE is where you apply the lesson.  Don’t give up in the middle.”  I have never thought of the present as the middle, but it is.  It sits right between our past and our future and it is the bridge that connects the two. The present serves as a transition point and it is where we take the lessons learned in the past and work on them to set the stage for our ability to apply them in the future.

It is easy to see why one might become tend to give up in the middle.  Perhaps the lesson learned is bringing about a change, one we don’t necessarily greet with open arms.  If this is the case, we may try to hold on to what has been, resisting this inevitable change.  Other reasons we may tend to give up are our fear of failure, uncertainty about things, the unknown of what is ahead, thinking things will be too hard, focusing on what we think are challenges, or thoughts on what we may be giving up. But giving up should be the farthest thing on our minds.

When we do feel like giving up, we can:

• Explore why we feel like giving up.  Are we just resisting?  Are we fearful?  Are we unsure of what we really want?  What’s really holding us back? 
• Acknowledge any emotions that may be making us feel like giving up, but avoid letting the emotional response control us and paralyze us. At some point, we need to work through the emotion and we need to create situations for positive emotions and feelings to sprout and grow.
• Practice a relaxation technique to help regulate the emotions we are feeling.  Creating a calm inner peace will help in dealing with wanting to give up and with the resulting emotions. 
• Reflect on the lesson learned and what experiences we gained from the lesson.
• Switch our mindset to focus on how far we’ve come (instead of what might be standing in our way or challenging us).
• Adopt the attitude of never give up; try, try, try again.
• Focus on our goal and what we want to accomplish.
• View challenges as opportunities.
• Apply some “true grit” to help keep up moving forward.
• Stay true to ourselves and avoid comparing ourselves to others.
• Treat ourselves to something that brings a smile to our face and heart; this distraction will help us feel better and position us to move toward applying the lesson learned in the past.
• Take things one step at a time and realize that small steps are just fine as long as we keep moving forward.
• Study others who’ve moved beyond giving up and moved forward to success.
• Enlist the help of those in our support system.
• Make the most of the present moment.

Making the most of the present moment may be one of the best ways to help us not get stuck in the middle.  When we live in the present moment, we are mindful of what is happening now.  We are neither distracted by the past nor preoccupied with the future.  Being present minded keeps us focused, grounded, connected, and happier.  In the present moment, we have a purpose (working toward applying the lesson learned from the past) and we actively pursue that purpose.

We can connect to the present moment by:

• Letting go, especially of things out of our control.
• Being at peace with what is.
• Connecting to our senses and really experience what is going on around us.
• Looking for the wonder in ordinary things.   
• Practicing mindfulness.
• Getting lost in the flow of the immediate task. 
• Engaging in what is happening right now. 
• Maintaining the wonder of the here and now.

As Denis Waitley (an American motivational speaker, writer and consultant) said, “There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them.”   When we feel like giving up in the middle it means the existing conditions are no longer working for us.  We need to do something about changing those conditions so we can get keep moving forward.  The 15 strategies presented here will help us move beyond giving up and help us move forward on our life journey.

DON’T GIVE UP

 

The 23^rd season of Dancing With the Stars (DWTS), the reality dance show that pairs celebrities with professional dancers, premiered on September 12, 2016. Past seasons of the show have provided inspiration for many of my blog posts because the celebrities often talk about working outside of their comfort zone, overcoming obstacles, maintaining a positive attitude and     outlook – all areas relevant to dealing with change.

This current season is no exception. After her first dance, Terra Jolé said, “You just can’t give up.” Terra faces a challenge no other celebrity has had to deal with. She is the first little person to compete on DWTS.  

In a blog post for People Magazine she shared, “Rehearsals have been very stressful because this is the first time Sasha and I are in a hold together. Any little person standing in frame with an average-size person is going to look different. My torso is the same size as an average person’s, but my arms and legs are half the size of theirs! These physical differences challenge me to make it work as a little person, but they challenge Sasha to get creative. I’m truly looking forward to performing what we have practiced all week tonight. Hopefully it will show that Sasha is a good teacher and I am a good student and that no matter the handicap, you can make it work!”

“You just can’t give up” is sound advice for life in general. There are many examples of people who exemplify this advice. Take for example, Oprah Winfrey who despite reportedly being a victim of sexual abuse as a child and often criticized about personal characteristics or beliefs, has persevered. She graduated high school with honors, graduated college on a full scholarship, and worked her way up the media ladder from a local network anchor to the now international superstar and creator of her Oprah Winfrey Network.

Or Abraham Lincoln who failed in business at 21. Was defeated in a legislative race at 22. Failed again in business at 24. Overcame the death of his sweetheart at 26. Had a nervous breakdown at 27. Lost a congressional race at 34. Lost a senatorial race at 45. Failed in an attempt to become vice president at 47. Lost another senatorial race at 49. Was elected president at 52. For him, defeat was a detour, not a dead end.

How about J.K. Rowling? In 1994 (three years before her Harry Potter books hit the shelves), she had just gotten a divorce, was on government aid, and could barely afford to feed her baby. When she was sending out the manuscript of the first Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone (title for books published in England was Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone), she was so poor she couldn’t afford a computer or even the cost of photocopying the 90,000-word novel, so she manually typed out each version to send to publishers. It was rejected dozens of times until finally Bloomsbury, a small London publisher, gave it a second chance after the CEO’s eight year-old daughter fell in love with it.

And then there’s Thomas Edison. In 1914, at age 67, he lost his factory worth a few million dollars to a fire. He had very little insurance. He watched his lifetime effort to up in smoke. He said, “There’s great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burnt up. Thank God we can start anew.” Three weeks later, he invented the phonograph.

What do Terra Jolé, Oprah Winfrey, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, and Thomas Edison have in common that led them to not give up? Let’s take a look at some the characteristics they share.

THEY DON’T DWELL ON ‘WHY ME?’ They seem to understand that life isn’t always fair or easy. They don’t feel sorry for themselves or their situation.

THEY LEARN FROM THEIR EXPERIENCES. They overcome problems and obstacles and they see the lesson in everything that happens to them. They look for the opportunities in all situations. They view mistakes as learning opportunities. Failure is an impetus to change, improve, and grow.

THEY WORK HARD. They recognize it takes hard work to succeed. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” is their motto.

THEY FOCUS ON WHAT THEY CAN CONTROL. Much of what they can control is their attitude. They understand that there is much in life over which we have no control. They focus on what they can control – their attitude, thoughts, actions, and their reaction to things.

THEY KEEP THE PAST IN THE PAST.   They live for the present and they plan for the future. They do not dwell on the past, but rather, learn from it.

THEY HAVE A CAN-DO ATTITUDE.   They believe that they are capable of being successful in what they plan to do. They ‘convince’ themselves that they can do anything. They willingly accept and meet challenges.

THEY DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES. They find ways to make things happen instead of making excuses about why things can’t happen.

THEY HAVE A POSITIVE ORIENTATION. They are able to see the positive in any situation with which they deal. They subscribe to the philosophy that if you think you can, you will be able to. If you repeat positive thoughts, your mind will begin to focus on what you want you want rather than on what you do not want. They believe that if you feed your mind positive, it will weaken the negative.

THEY SET GOALS. They have plans for the future (which are what goals are). They know what they are trying to achieve. They know what result(s) they want and they put forth effort to achieve those results.

THEY ARE DISCIPLINED. They have inner strength and staying power to go the distance to achieve their goals. They are able to carry out their plans despite hardships and obstacles.

Self-help author, Brian Tracy, tells us, “Between you and every goal that you wish to achieve, there is a series of obstacles, and the bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles. Your decision to be, have and do something out of the ordinary entails facing difficulties and challenges that are out of the ordinary as well. Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else.”   Staying with something longer than anyone else; not giving up is exactly what we need to do when faced with a challenge, whether a challenge from everyday life or one that change puts in our path. Terra Jolé, Oprah Winfrey, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, and Thomas Edison are five examples of people who exemplify the “don’t give up” attitude. They are many more from current times, from history, and even from your personal life.   Look to these people when the going gets tough. Tap into the characteristics that help us ‘keep on going’ instead of giving up. You can do it!

 

WHEN THE ODDS SEEM OVERWHELMING…

 

On Saturday, August 13, I was watching Olympic track and field events with my husband.   In a qualifying heat for one of the women’s races, all but one runner came in with times under a minute. During the heat, this one runner was woefully behind the entire race. Despite the overwhelming odds, she finished the race with a time over a minute, seven seconds. My husband turned to me and said, “You should write about overcoming overwhelming odds. That would make a good blog.”

I gave some thought to that racer and decided that it was pure persistence that kept her going despite being left in the proverbial dust by all the other runners. Persistence is dogged determination, tenacity, and perseverance. It is the ability to keep on going no matter what one may be facing or how one feels about the situation. Whether in a competition such as this woman was or whether in our regular lives, we all face situations where we might feel like giving up; that whatever we are facing seems too overwhelming to go on. (And, in situations where change is sudden, unexpected, or unwanted it is very easy to just want to give up.)

Persistence is an important life skill. When we get overwhelmed by what is happening or paralyzed by being forced out of our comfort zones, it is easy for us to just give in or give up. Neither of those is an option when change is upon us. Neither of those helps us in dealing with what we are facing.  It is our ability to keep moving forward, to persist even in the face of adversity that will help us continually move forward.

There are many stories about the power of persistence from nature and life in general. Take, for example, Helen Keller and her persistent teacher Anne Sullivan. “They overcame incredible obstacles in the 49 years they worked together. Helen wasn’t born deaf and blind, but came down with a mysterious illness when she was 18 months old in 1882. It left her without sight and sound at a crucial stage of development. After years of struggle, her parents were able to find Anne Sullivan, a recent graduate of the Perkins School for the Blind. By this time, Helen was extremely moody and difficult to reach. However, Anne steadfastly tried to teach Helen sign language by pressing the symbols into Helen’s palm. In a famous “eureka” moment, Anne was finally able to make Helen connect the letters W-A-T-E-R being written in one palm, with the water from a pump being poured on the other. From there, Helen began a lifelong journey to interact with the world around her. For 25 years she worked to improve her speech so others could understand her. She graduated cum laude from Radcliff in 1904 at 24, and wrote her first book, The Story of My Life, with the help of Sullivan and Sullivan’s future husband, John Macy.” (biography.com)

If it weren’t for the persistence of Anne Sullivan Helen Keller may never have learned to read or to speak. If Anne can alter the course of events in Helen’s life, just think of what our collective and persistent efforts can achieve! When we are not excited by a change or are fearful of what the change might bring, it is easy to lose sight of where we are going or to lose motivation for what we are doing. Persistence helps us maintain action and helps us produce results. While there may be comfort for us in the past or the old, we can’t get rooted in it. We need to be able to continually move forward despite the difficulties created by the change. Persistence helps us become resolute in doing this; it gives us the resolve to go on; it provides the drive. If you don’t think persistence is a part of your skill set, here are a few things you can do to begin to develop the skill:

Study successful people. Think of people who persisted despite the odds (e.g., Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr., Beethoven, Abraham Lincoln). Make a list of what they did to persist in the wake of what they were facing.

Have a wish, dream, or goal. What is it we want to see happen or what we hope to accomplish? Write the wish or dream down and if more than one, prioritize them. Remember, wishes with planning become goals. Goals provide us with a purpose. And, goals with persistence become achievements.

Have a plan for how the wishes/dreams/goals will be reached. Outline the steps that will be needed to reach the wish/dream/goal.

Remain upbeat and positive. Maintaining a positive outlook is crucial in developing persistence. The time, setbacks, and the energy drain can all take a toll and weaken one’s resolve.

Stay focused and motivated. Being persistent is not easy and it is not quick. One must be determined, focused, and motivated to keep on task no matter what else is going on. Total commitment to the purpose of the task is needed.

Learn to ‘jump hurdles.’ Life would be great if it were all smooth sailing. When developing persistence, expect some rough waters along the way; speed bumps; roadblocks. Have strategies in place to handle the unexpected like hearing no a lot or meeting resistance.

Develop a support network. Make sure there is a strong connection with at least one person who can provide encouragement and motivation. Those in this network should be considered ‘accountability’ managers.

The next time you are faced with a change or something that just overwhelms you and you feel like giving up, picture Anne Sullivan and Helen Keller at that water pump.  Hang in there. You too, with persistence, will be able to negotiate the ‘waves of change’ in your life and overcome things when the odds are stacked against you. Remember, “In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins. Not through strength, but through persistence.” (Unknown)