DON’T GIVE UP

 

The 23^rd season of Dancing With the Stars (DWTS), the reality dance show that pairs celebrities with professional dancers, premiered on September 12, 2016. Past seasons of the show have provided inspiration for many of my blog posts because the celebrities often talk about working outside of their comfort zone, overcoming obstacles, maintaining a positive attitude and     outlook – all areas relevant to dealing with change.

This current season is no exception. After her first dance, Terra Jolé said, “You just can’t give up.” Terra faces a challenge no other celebrity has had to deal with. She is the first little person to compete on DWTS.  

In a blog post for People Magazine she shared, “Rehearsals have been very stressful because this is the first time Sasha and I are in a hold together. Any little person standing in frame with an average-size person is going to look different. My torso is the same size as an average person’s, but my arms and legs are half the size of theirs! These physical differences challenge me to make it work as a little person, but they challenge Sasha to get creative. I’m truly looking forward to performing what we have practiced all week tonight. Hopefully it will show that Sasha is a good teacher and I am a good student and that no matter the handicap, you can make it work!”

“You just can’t give up” is sound advice for life in general. There are many examples of people who exemplify this advice. Take for example, Oprah Winfrey who despite reportedly being a victim of sexual abuse as a child and often criticized about personal characteristics or beliefs, has persevered. She graduated high school with honors, graduated college on a full scholarship, and worked her way up the media ladder from a local network anchor to the now international superstar and creator of her Oprah Winfrey Network.

Or Abraham Lincoln who failed in business at 21. Was defeated in a legislative race at 22. Failed again in business at 24. Overcame the death of his sweetheart at 26. Had a nervous breakdown at 27. Lost a congressional race at 34. Lost a senatorial race at 45. Failed in an attempt to become vice president at 47. Lost another senatorial race at 49. Was elected president at 52. For him, defeat was a detour, not a dead end.

How about J.K. Rowling? In 1994 (three years before her Harry Potter books hit the shelves), she had just gotten a divorce, was on government aid, and could barely afford to feed her baby. When she was sending out the manuscript of the first Harry Potter book, Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone (title for books published in England was Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone), she was so poor she couldn’t afford a computer or even the cost of photocopying the 90,000-word novel, so she manually typed out each version to send to publishers. It was rejected dozens of times until finally Bloomsbury, a small London publisher, gave it a second chance after the CEO’s eight year-old daughter fell in love with it.

And then there’s Thomas Edison. In 1914, at age 67, he lost his factory worth a few million dollars to a fire. He had very little insurance. He watched his lifetime effort to up in smoke. He said, “There’s great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burnt up. Thank God we can start anew.” Three weeks later, he invented the phonograph.

What do Terra Jolé, Oprah Winfrey, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, and Thomas Edison have in common that led them to not give up? Let’s take a look at some the characteristics they share.

THEY DON’T DWELL ON ‘WHY ME?’ They seem to understand that life isn’t always fair or easy. They don’t feel sorry for themselves or their situation.

THEY LEARN FROM THEIR EXPERIENCES. They overcome problems and obstacles and they see the lesson in everything that happens to them. They look for the opportunities in all situations. They view mistakes as learning opportunities. Failure is an impetus to change, improve, and grow.

THEY WORK HARD. They recognize it takes hard work to succeed. “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” is their motto.

THEY FOCUS ON WHAT THEY CAN CONTROL. Much of what they can control is their attitude. They understand that there is much in life over which we have no control. They focus on what they can control – their attitude, thoughts, actions, and their reaction to things.

THEY KEEP THE PAST IN THE PAST.   They live for the present and they plan for the future. They do not dwell on the past, but rather, learn from it.

THEY HAVE A CAN-DO ATTITUDE.   They believe that they are capable of being successful in what they plan to do. They ‘convince’ themselves that they can do anything. They willingly accept and meet challenges.

THEY DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES. They find ways to make things happen instead of making excuses about why things can’t happen.

THEY HAVE A POSITIVE ORIENTATION. They are able to see the positive in any situation with which they deal. They subscribe to the philosophy that if you think you can, you will be able to. If you repeat positive thoughts, your mind will begin to focus on what you want you want rather than on what you do not want. They believe that if you feed your mind positive, it will weaken the negative.

THEY SET GOALS. They have plans for the future (which are what goals are). They know what they are trying to achieve. They know what result(s) they want and they put forth effort to achieve those results.

THEY ARE DISCIPLINED. They have inner strength and staying power to go the distance to achieve their goals. They are able to carry out their plans despite hardships and obstacles.

Self-help author, Brian Tracy, tells us, “Between you and every goal that you wish to achieve, there is a series of obstacles, and the bigger the goal, the bigger the obstacles. Your decision to be, have and do something out of the ordinary entails facing difficulties and challenges that are out of the ordinary as well. Sometimes your greatest asset is simply your ability to stay with it longer than anyone else.”   Staying with something longer than anyone else; not giving up is exactly what we need to do when faced with a challenge, whether a challenge from everyday life or one that change puts in our path. Terra Jolé, Oprah Winfrey, Abraham Lincoln, J.K. Rowling, and Thomas Edison are five examples of people who exemplify the “don’t give up” attitude. They are many more from current times, from history, and even from your personal life.   Look to these people when the going gets tough. Tap into the characteristics that help us ‘keep on going’ instead of giving up. You can do it!

 

“YOU CAN’T SPELL CHAlleNGE WITHOUT CHANGE”

I came across the following quote and it resonated with me enough to turn it into a post: “You can’t spell challenge without change. If you’re going to rise to the challenge, you have to be prepared to change.”   In previous posts, I have defined change as to make something different from what it once was. Challenge can be defined as a demanding, difficult, or stimulating situation. Think a moment about what challenge you have recently faced. Was that challenge initiated by a change in your life?   Did whatever change make the situation more challenging for you?

When I do this reflection, most of the challenges I have encountered have been as a result of change; change that I have initiated, change that I saw coming and could somewhat prepare for, and change that came along unexpectedly. And, my ability to rise to the challenge certainly seemed related to how prepared I was or how willing I was to change (with more truth resting on the latter).

Do we sometimes make the challenge of change more difficult on ourselves? Of course we do. Let’s take a look at some of the obstacles we put in our own way of dealing with the challenge of change.

OUR PERSPECTIVE/POINT OF VIEW. This is our way of thinking or looking at something. In times of change, especially if the change is unwanted or unexpected, our first line of thinking may be negative: I can’t deal with this; this is too much to handle; why me?; this will never work; etc.   The more negative our point of view, the harder it is to deal with the change. (So, it is to our advantage to look for the benefit in, the positive in, the good in what has changed. Whether it is life in general or during times of change, it is vital that we not dwell or get lost in the side that is unpleasant or negative. Yes, acknowledge the unpleasant, the negative, but don’t let that define the situation or the change. Move beyond and look for the pleasant, the positive. Doing so gives us power and control over the situation, the change.) 

OUR ATTITUDE. What we think (our thoughts), what we do (our behavior), and what we feel (our emotional response) all make up our attitude. Just as with our perspective or our point of view, if we have a negative attitude toward change, our response to it is more likely to be negative. If you think it won’t work, won’t happen, it won’t. If you think you can’t, you can’t. And, when we think this way, we begin to make excuses and find reasons why things won’t work or can’t work. (Jean-Paul Sartre said, “What is important is not what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens to us.” And, it is our attitude that influences our choice of action and our response to what happens to us. Because our response to situations is so important and because our attitude has a lot to do with how we respond, it is our attitude that determines how successful we will be in dealing with situations, with change. So, it behooves us to approach change with a positive, can-do attitude. A can-do attitude can be defined as a process of convincing your mind that you can do everything. It is about believing in yourself that you are capable of being successful in what you plan to do. It’s about finding ways to make things happen instead of making excuses about why things can’t happen. It’s the ability of overcoming problems and obstacles that come in the way of success. This type of attitude is characterized by an eager willingness to accept and meet challenges.  A can-do attitude is one of the keys to successfully negotiating change. When you have a can-do attitude, you believe in yourself. You are more willing to be proactive, to take action, which is needed when dealing with change and transition.)

OUR MINDSET. Our mindset consists of beliefs and beliefs are thoughts that are repeated over and over for a period of time that determine how we respond to situations.   And the longer we think that something can or can’t happen, the more we believe that thought and the more we act accordingly. So, our mindset is very powerful. It can control us; it can hold us back from doing things and in times of change, it can definitely hold us back from accepting or dealing with the change and moving forward. (To change your mindset, you MUST DO SOMETHING! You do have it within you to identify what is holding you back and to challenge whatever that is. You do have it within you to live the life you want. You do have it within you to work toward your vision and goal(s). With persistent action, you can change a limiting mindset and move forward.) 
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN and LEAVING OUR COMFORT ZONE. These areas are perhaps the biggest challenges to change. No matter how excited we may be about the new opportunity each change may bring about, we likewise have moments of doubt, fear, and unease all caused by the move out of our comfort zone and not knowing what may happen. Certainly change brings about a lot of “not familiars” about which we may feel threatened. With the unknown, we don’t know what is coming. Why do we fear the unknown? Well the unknown is something with which we are not familiar. Things with which we are not familiar may threaten us and fear is an emotion that arises when we feel threatened by something. We lose that comfortable routine, that comfort zone; the predictability, sureness, and the routine, all of which makes us feel safe and that is scary and frightening. All of this is what makes dealing with change so difficult and scary. (Fearing the unknown and not wanting to leave our comfort zone are natural reactions. However, if being unwilling to venture forth into the unknown or venture outside our comfort zone means that we are held back from moving forth, or held back from learning and growing, that is not a good thing. Sometimes to move ahead, we have to take that leap of faith and move beyond the known, move beyond what is comfortable.) 

RISK. In the context of dealing with change and transition, taking risks involves doing something that helps achieve a desired solution but in which there is a lack of certainty about the outcome and/or a fear of failure. When change and transition alter the course of one’s journey and a new route must be tried, there is a certain amount of risk involved when traveling down the unknown route. Uncertainty and the fear of failure often hold us back in a changed environment. (However, some say a turtle only advances by sticking its neck out. So it is with us. We must ‘stick our neck out;’ we must take some risks to make the necessary adjustments in the altered environment; we must ‘stick out our neck’ to move forward. We have all heard the proverb, “Nothing ventured; nothing gained.” In times of change and transition, if we want to ‘gain,’ to make progress in the new environment or situation, we must ‘venture.’ With that venture, we will sometimes have to take risks to move forth; to make progress.) 

COMMITMENT. Being dedicated to the “cause” or situation or solution is being committed. Change can be tough and making a commitment to do whatever it takes for the change to take hold or be successful can certainly be challenging. Staying focused and enthusiastic, especially in the wake of unwanted or unexpected change can be difficult. (To overcome the challenge of commitment with change, you have to accept the change with both your head/mind and your heart. You have to be willing to ‘stay the course’ no matter what you encounter. Staying committed requires persistence and perseverance. You have to have dogged determination and the ability to keep going no matter what you may be facing or how you really feel about the situation.)  
FLEXIBILITY AND ADAPTABILITY. The unwillingness to change to fit a new environment or remaining rigid in one’s way of thinking or behaving will certainly stand in the way of change. Because we are creatures of habit, it is difficult for most of us to adapt or be flexible in times of change. Having to change our patterns and behaviors is frustrating and annoying. We would really simply prefer to keep doing things the old way, since this allows us to stay in our comfort zone. (When you can adapt to a situation, you can formulate a plan and implement it by adjusting to the situation. A person who can accept change and adjust to life is the one who is able to focus the mind in new directions and make choices based on his or her desired outcomes. There are times when we must accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. Never forget, just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly! As Charles Darwin says, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.”) 

RESISTANCE/AVOIDANCE. The reasons why we resist or avoid change are numerous: we don’t feel the change is needed; we misunderstand the need for the change; the reason for the change is unclear; the unknown of the change; we fear we don’t have the skills to succeed in the changed environment; we are committed to the old way of doing things; lack of trust; the attitude of ‘this too shall pass;’ we weren’t consulted about the change. All of these (plus any you can add to the list) do act as challenges to change. (Socrates said that “The secret of change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Sometimes we just have to give things a try; give it our best shot. When we give things a shot, we are at least moving forward. You’ve got nothing to lose by giving something a try. And, who knows, something may be gained or learned from that try!) 

Someone said, “Challenges or testing, trying and conflicting situations are a part and parcel of life. You are bound to face challenges of different types during each day you live, throughout your lifetime. But facing challenges and overcoming them helps us in molding us into a better, stronger and much more evolved individual.” Just as change is always going to be a part of our lives, so will be challenges especially challenges associated with change (whether it is the change itself that presents the challenge or a challenge that we put in the way of the change). If we can avoid or prepare for the obstacles listed in this week’s post, then our ability to embrace and deal with whatever change comes our way will be strengthened.

LOOKING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD

Happy 2015! Welcome to the New Year! Raise your hand if part of your transition to the change of the New Year was to reflect on 2014. My hand is up. I did spend time reviewing the highlights of the year as well as the challenges. One of the items in my reflection that was both a highlight and a challenge, and on which I am still reflecting, is my book Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows: Strategies to Stay Sane and Positive amid Change, and the blog (which came about as a result of the book).

In my blog reflection, I took a look at what was covered (primarily so I could get a handle on where I wanted to go with it in this New Year). Wow! We covered a lot in 40 posts:  information on 35 strategies for dealing with change was shared.

I am big on the use of acronyms to help others remember ‘stuff.’ Sixteen of the strategies came from my book, Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows: Strategies to Stay Sane and Positive amid Change, with PRESERVING SANITY as the acronym. Those strategies are: persistence, relationships, enthusiasm, sense of humor, ending something, roaming the wilderness, vision, irreverent thinking, negotiating roadblocks, giggling; savoring mistakes, “atta” persons, new style of thinking, innovativeness, taking risks, and you have to dream big.

Another 10 strategies can be found in the acronym BE POSITIVE: balance, eager beaver, passion, outlet, saluting others, inner child, transformation, ingenuity, vitality, and easy going.

SMILE contains five more strategies (self-esteem, modification, introspection, laughter, and exuberance) while CALM represented another four (can-do attitude, adapt, learn to let go, and moving forward).

                                                           

Did you happen to notice that the acronyms also provided a hint as to things we need to do when dealing with change?

We need to preserve our sanity and not let change get the best of us;

We need to be positive as an optimistic outlook will certainly help us navigate the change more successfully;

We need to smile since doing so helps us project a more positive image, calms us and reduces stress, and makes up feel happier; and,

We need to remain calm so we can maintain our perspective and not over-react.

In addition to strategies for dealing with change, we also explored what change is and why it is so difficult, the emotion of disappointment, the importance of concentrating on the positive, and the mindset of looking at change as an opportunity. And, four of the very early posts were “housekeeping” ones – who I am, why I wrote the book, how the book can be of help, and an overview of the book’s strategies.

Certainly this blog went well beyond the 16 strategies in the book. As I look to the blog and 2015, I will continue to focus on strategies that will help you deal with change. In addition, I want to look at how change makes us feel and how to deal with those feelings or reactions. And, I will be addressing topics that are coming from you, my faithful followers.  So, perhaps we all will be well served by ‘looking back to move forward.’  Continue  your reflection/introspection to help  you on your journey in this new year.

TURNING THE OBSTACLES AND ROADBLOCKS OF CHANGE INTO OPPORTUNITIES FOR GROWTH

Two weeks ago, we explored how a can-do attitude, that mindset that WE CAN DO IT, is a key to successfully dealing with change. With a can-do attitude, we are better positioned to overcome obstacles and problems that get in the way of successfully managing change.

This week, we are going to spend some time talking about overcoming obstacles or negotiating the roadblocks on our journey of change and transition. Negotiating roadblocks is a strategy that focuses on the ability to change course and direction when change and transition place obstacles in the way of life’s journey.   Marsha Sinetar has said, “Life’s ups and downs provide windows of opportunities to determine your values and goals – Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want.”

Why is dealing with roadblocks important when dealing with change? When in the midst of change or transitions, life is like a roller coaster ride; it is full of ups and downs, but as Sinetar says, these ups and downs offer us opportunities, chances to determine what is important and what direction we really want to take. That move out of our comfort zone forces us to re-evaluate ourselves, to search for pockets of strength we didn’t even know we had, and to move onward and upward to where we want to be. All roadblocks and obstacles present unique challenges to us, but within those challenges are wonderful opportunities to further develop our skills, experiences, knowledge, networks, relationships, and ourselves in general.

I would like to highlight this with another example from my personal life. When I was president-elect of the College Reading and Learning Association (CRLA), I had the privilege of planning the 1992 annual conference which happened to be the association’s 25^th annual conference. My conference theme was “Celebrating the Diversity in Teaching and Learning” and because it was a milestone anniversary conference, I wanted a memorable keynote speaker. I was most fortunate to get Alex Haley (probably most remembered as the author of Roots).

I was working in Salem, Oregon at the time I was planning the conference. One of the phone calls I received on February 10, 1992 was from a Seattle, Washington colleague asking how I was doing. I responded that I was busy, but fine. The person sounded incredulous and asked how I could be fine (and sound so calm) at a time like this. I had no clue about what my colleague was talking so asked what was going on. My colleague, another CRLA member, had called to talk to me about breaking news: it had just been announced that Alex Haley had died and what I was going to do about the conference.

My conference was scheduled to begin on April 9 and Haley passed away on February 10. Talk about change happening unexpectedly. Indeed it had. Talk about a roadblock being placed in one’s path. I had one BIG TIME! After hanging up the phone, I sat in stunned silence for a few moments. After my brief period of mourning both the loss of a great writer as well as the loss of my keynote speaker, I shifted my mindset to viewing this as an opportunity and went about retooling the conference and arranging for another keynote speaker. I must admit that I derived some inspiration for my retooling efforts from the book The Wizard of Oz.

The characters from the Wizard of Oz are my favorite example of those who refused to let roadblocks keep them from their goal. No matter what was put in their way of reaching Oz or their goal of returning home, they rose to the challenge (often using their creativity) and overcame the roadblock. They truly used all obstacles as stepping stones to get to what they wanted.

How does one develop the skill of negotiating roadblocks, of viewing obstacles as stepping stones and successfully using them to reach goals?

1.  Identify what is standing in the way of reaching the goal. Is it emotional based (fear, anger, doubt, worry, sadness)? Is it something physical (distance, lack of a resource)? Is it health related (physical ailment, weight issue, lack of exercise)? Is it our mindset (resistance to the change, negativity, my way is the only way)?

2.  Determine the best approach of overcoming the obstacle. Does the issue require just taking a step back, slowing down a bit, and cooling off? Feel hampered as if in a straitjacket where the connections must be determined before the bounds can be loosened or severed? Is the challenge more of a hurdle (something that is standing in the way) for which you need to gain momentum so the hurdle can be jumped?   Has something impassable, like a boulder, been dropped on the path where a whole new route must be found? Is it just the “yellow light” flashing indicating to us the need to slow down and use caution? Does it feel like the wall has been hit? As Michael Jordan says, “Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”

3.  “Blast” the roadblock into manageable pieces. Break down into smaller, more manageable ways/steps the approach to overcoming the roadblock. Taking small, baby steps will help prevent one from becoming overwhelmed by the roadblock.

4.  Be persistent. Keep on going no matter what. (See the April 28, 2014 post ‘Persisting Through the Waves of Change for suggestions on how to become more persistent.)

5.  Take an emotional “time out.” When roadblocks are placed in our path, it is common to get flustered and react in an emotional way. This type of reaction isn’t usually productive. It may be cathartic, but it isn’t going to remove the roadblock. When facing the roadblock, we must begin to look at it with our logic and reason lenses. This will help identify the relevance of the roadblock and the means by which to overcome it.

6.  Take a view from a different perspective. View the roadblock from someone else’s perspective (spouse, child, co-worker, boss, friend, sibling, parent). Try to see it inside out and upside down: is it truly what we think or have we misunderstand the situation? Am I clearly seeing the picture or are there clouds or fog in the way? Have others dealt with the same obstacle? How did they overcome it? Have I made assumption about the issue? Do these assumptions help to remove the roadblock or do they make it worse?

                 

 

7.  Think irreverently, divergently, creatively. Go beyond conventional wisdom. (Refer to the past posts on thinking differently for ideas on how to develop that skill.)

8.  Talk through the situation. Talking to others will help put or keep things in perspective. Other people may have similar experiences and may be able to share how they dealt with the roadblock. Seek expert help when the obstacle seems insurmountable and the desire to give up is strong.

9.  Be action oriented. Change overwhelms us. The roadblocks within the change can stop us in our track; paralyze us. This is the time to take a deep breath and step into action. Focus on the following: Just what is the roadblock? The circumstance? Can I handle it; control it? What parts can’t I control? How do I gain the upper hand with this? How can I influence this circumstance? What resources do I need?

10. Think like a winner. Believing roadblocks can be overcome is half the battle. Have confidence. Steer clear from doubts because they will only immobilize any effort. Self-doubts also turn attention away from solutions and keep the attention on the problem. The calmer one can be, the clearer the mind and the better one is able to think divergently and creatively about the issue(s). Winners don’t quit; they rise above to meet the challenge head on.

Someone once said, “If the boulders are moved, even a river will change its course.” Change and transition often require us to change our course. Don’t fear doing so. Instead, look at the roadblock, the obstacle as a challenge, that with our can-do attitude, becomes an opportunity to develop our skills, experience, knowledge, networking, and/or relationships and in doing so, helps us move beyond the obstacle, the roadblock.

CONCENTRATING ON THE POSITIVE IN TIMES OF CHANGE

Our last post concluded with the Denis Waitley quote, “If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won’t, you most assuredly won’t. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad.”  His quote appropriately summarizes what a can-do attitude is all about. The can-do attitude was the focus of last week’s discussion. Remember, a can-do attitude is needed when dealing with change. Some change can rock us to our core where we begin to lose faith in ourselves. When you have a can-do attitude, you believe in yourself. When you believe in yourself, you are more willing to be pro-active, to take action which is really needed when dealing with change and transition.

 

In last week’s post, seven techniques were presented to develop the strategy of can-do attitude. One of the techniques presented was ‘concentrate on the positive.’ This week, I’d like to expand on that one technique providing you with 13 ways you can keep your thoughts and actions on the positive side.

1. Change your thoughts

You are in charge of what you think. Let me repeat that. YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF WHAT YOU THINK. You need to kick out all the negative thoughts from your mind. Reading inspirational quotes can motivate you to take action and when you take action. Surround yourself with positive images.

2. Concentrate on positive self-talk Replace negative thoughts and words with positive ones, words that make you feel happy and in control. Concentrate on positive thoughts with positive results.

3. Avoid the energy vampires

Stay away from people who focus on the negative. They will suck the energy and spirit right out of you. If you are in a conversation, reframe the negative conversation into a more positive one. If you find yourself caught in a negative conversation and there is nothing you can do to change the mood of the conversation then you must excuse yourself. If the media is negative, tune it out or turn it off.  When possible, surround yourself with positive people. You will notice that your overall approach to things and your attitude will become more positive.

4. Look For the Positive in Life

There is a positive aspect in everything. In every person, in every situation, there is something good. Most of the time it’s not all that obvious. We have to look. And sometimes we have to look hard. When faced with a difficult or challenging situation, think to yourself, “What is good about this?” No matter how terrible the situation might seem, you always can find something good if you take the time to think about it.

Everything –- positive and negative -– is a learning experience. So, at the very least, you can learn from negative experiences. However, there’s usually even more to it than that. If you really take the time to look, you will usually find something good, something really positive, about every person or situation.

5. Take care of yourself

Adequate rest and sleep is vital to maintaining a positive attitude. Engage in physical activity (working out releases chemicals that give you a natural mood lift). Meditate. Relax.

6. Assess why your attitude isn’t positive

What exactly is bothering you?  Once you figure out exactly what is bothering you, you can then do something about it and your attitude will probably lift and become more positive.

7.  Look at the consequences of your less-than-positive attitude

Are you taking out your frustration on those around you? STOP and avoid the negative spiral. Analyze who or what will be affected by you being negative and seek ways to turn things around.

8. Reframe the situation

We all have people, situations, and events that can create a bad mood or a bad attitude. Remember it is not the person, event, situation, experience or problem itself but rather the way we respond to it that makes us feel the way we do. When you change the way you look at something, your attitude and your results will also change.

9. Approach each day with an attitude of gratitude

Be grateful for what you have and count your blessings. When you live with an attitude of gratitude, your entire attitude towards life change.

10. Obstacles are there to challenge you.

If something isn’t going great; if there is a roadblock in the way, view it as a temporary setback. It doesn’t have to put a negative slant on everything. Rise to the challenge and put your creativity to work in overcoming the obstacle. If one thing “bad” happens to you in a day, that is one “bad” moment; not a bad day. If you develop the philosophy that there is no such thing as a bad day, only bad moments, you will be well on your way to developing a positive mindset.

11. Make someone else feel good about themselves

Let others know you appreciate them. When you make others feel good about themselves you cannot help but to feel good yourself. As the saying goes, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

 

12. Keep track of your thoughts

Write down any negative thoughts that enter your mind. See if there is a pattern (Is it every time you see a certain person? Deal with a certain situation?), and if so, figure out ways to move beyond the person, situation, whatever it is that moves you toward the negative.

13. Create a day of optimism

Choose a day and work on being optimistic all day. Share your optimism with those around you. See the good in everything. Smile. Choose to be joyful.

If your inner voice is one that first goes to the negative, imagine a stop sign in your head and tell yourself, “STOP!” Empower yourself to think positive; remember, you are in charge of what you think. Positive thoughts = positive feelings = feeling that you can do, can deal with whatever is facing you. Adopt the smiley face as your symbol for focusing on the positive.

A positive attitude helps to cope more easily with the daily affairs of life. It brings optimism into your life, and makes it easier to avoid worry and negative thinking. If you adopt it as a way of life, it will bring constructive changes into your life (which might be so needed with change and transition). With a positive attitude, you see the bright side of life, become optimistic and expect the best to happen.

MASTERING CHANGE WITH A CAN-DO ATTITUDE

Over the past several weeks, we’ve explored types of thinking (irreverent thinking, new style of thinking or thinking beyond the conventional, and innovative thinking) and qualities (ingenuity and resourcefulness) that help us solve problems and meet challenges when dealing with change and transition. This week, we are going to focus on our mindset, our attitude when change and transition enter our lives.

OK. Raise your hand if you remember the children’s book The Little Engine That Could. For those not familiar with the story, there is a little train filled with good things – toys, food, candy -that suddenly stops. A passenger train with a shiny new engine passes and when asked to help replies, “,,,I pull the likes of you? Indeed not!” Next comes a freight train with a big engine and when asked to help the little train, it replies, “… I am a very important engine indeed. I won’t pull the likes of you!” Another train comes along. It is a rusty, old, tired engine. When asked to pull the little train, it replies, “I am so tired. I must rest my weary wheels. I cannot pull even so little a train as yours over the mountain. I can not. I can not. I can not.” Finally, a little blue engine comes by and the plea for help is once again made. It replies, “I’m not very big. They use me only for switching trains in the yard. I have never been over the mountain.” The little train pleaded and the blue engine said, “I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.” The blue engine hitched herself to the little train and kept saying, “I think I can.” The blue engine was successful in getting the little train to the top of the mountain and all the way down the other side, it said, “I thought I could. I thought I could. I thought I could.”

The blue engine is a perfect example of something that demonstrated a can-do attitude. A can-do attitude can be defined as a process of convincing your mind that you can do everything. It is about believing in yourself that you are capable of being successful in what you plan to do. It’s about finding ways to make things happen instead of making excuses about why things can’t happen. It’s the ability of overcoming problems and obstacles that come in the way of success. This type of attitude is characterized by an eager willingness to accept and meet challenges.

A can-do attitude is one of the keys to successfully negotiating change. When you have a can-do attitude, you believe in yourself. You are more willing to be proactive, to take action, which is needed when dealing with change and transition.

I have two stories to illustrate how a can-do attitude can help you negotiate change.  First, in my May 12 post on HOW DREAMING BIG HELPS MANAGE CHANGE, I introduced you to my cousin, Adam, who played football in college and who had his sights set on playing in the NFL.  In the May 19 post on WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKS, WILL YOU BE READY TO OPEN THE DOOR, I shared that while Adam had not been selected in the draft, he had been invited to several NFL teams’  mini-camps as well as to special “screening” with one team.   While he did well at all of these, there was still no invitation to join a team.   Instead of giving up, Adam adopted a CAN-DO ATTITUDE.  He continued to work out, focusing on what would make him stronger, faster, better at his position of tackle.  He certainly kept his focus on what he wanted and what it would take to get him there.  He was like the blue engine who kept saying, “I think I can.  I think I can.  I know I can.  I know I can.”   Well, his can-do attitude paid off.  On July 31 he got the call he had been waiting for.  On July 31, he got picked up by the New York Giants and last night, August 3, he played  in his first NFL game!  Adam believed in himself; he believed he was capable of being a successful football player.  He worked to make his dream happen.  He definitely mastered change in his life with a can-do attitude!

My second story, about another athlete, was shared with me by a workshop participant.  It is so relevant to our current discussion. In the early 2000s, a women’s professional tennis player, Nadia Petrova, was having a spectacular tennis season, either winning or playing for the championship in several tournaments. A TV interviewer interviewed Nadia’s new coach and mentioned that Nadia, who was rated in the top twenty players in past years, was fast becoming one of the top five players in the world. The interviewer asked Nadia’s coach about this, and the coach said, “In the past, Nadia had people around her that concentrated on what she ‘can’t do.’ So Nadia would concentrate on what she couldn’t do, especially in challenging situations on the court, and it would frustrate her. I am concentrating on what she ‘can do,’ and she is a much better, confident player and is mentally much happier.” So I ask you, do you concentrate on the “can’t dos” or the “can dos?”

Your attitude toward change counts for a lot. There are four basic attitudes that make or break successful change:

• The “Can and Will” Attitude
• The Can and Won’t Attitude
• The Can’t and Will Attitude
• The Can’t and Won’t Attitude

As you might imagine, people with the can and will attitude negotiate change in their lives with the greatest success.  Which attitude currently describes you? If it isn’t “can and will,” let’s explore how you can move yourself in that direction.

1.Set Can Do Goals. Set goals that move you toward successful results. People fail because they don’t know what they want or what they don’t want.

2.Set S-M-A-R-T (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely) goals that create a clear roadmap for your success and then, work to achieve these goals every day.

3.Take Care of Your N-E-T-S (Network with Everyone Today for Success). Fill your NETS with positive people that will support your positive “can do” attitude. These people, while supporting your goals, will also help you pass roadblocks to achieve your goals. Clean your NETS of people who have a “can’t do,” negative attitude, and who don’t support your quest to achieve your goals. The more junk (negative people) in your NETS, the less room you have for more treasure (positive people). Keep your NET strong with positive people.

4. Choose ‘I can do it!’ as your life motto.

5.Look at any  failure as a stepping stone to success, as an opportunity to learn and improve. Go outside your comfort zone by trying something different. Keep trying new things until you succeed.

6.Always be a part of the solution, not a part of the problem. See all problems and stressful situations as challenges and opportunities. Remember, life  is an adventure. Be always enthusiastic about it and all that it brings.

7.Concentrate on the Positive. Recent research shows that 75-80% of daily communication is negative. This would include negative self-talk, conversations with others, or the media (TV, radio, the internet, etc.). Take back control of your mind and be responsible for your “can do” attitude. (Watch for a future post that will provide ways to help you focus on the positive.)

As Denis Waitley says, “If you believe you can, you probably can. If you believe you won’t, you most assuredly won’t. Belief is the ignition switch that gets you off the launching pad.”  Be like the little blue engine and no matter what you are facing in the wake of change and transition, tell yourself, “I think I can. I think I can.” Pretty soon you will be saying, with a smile on your face, “I thought I could. I thought I could. I thought I could!”