CHANGE LESSONS FROM THE BUTTERFLY

A week ago, I attended the Alpha Alpha State (Pennsylvania) Convention of The Delta Kappa Gamma (DKG) Society International. DKG is a professional honor society that promotes professional and personal growth of women educators and excellence in education. When the recently elected president was addressing the group, past officers came up behind her with a set of butterfly wings.   I found this symbolism so appropriate for the change of roles (a move from first vice-president to president) and for the metamorphosis into the organization’s leader. Mention was made of how this person had served in various roles within the organization all of which helped her gain the knowledge and understanding of what it would take to be the president (likened to the butterfly’s caterpillar stage of change). The “burden” of leadership was mentioned, but just as the wings of a butterfly allow it to overcome any burdens and soar high, so will the wings of leadership allow the incoming president to surmount any burdens she may encounter in her office.

With those powerful analogies and beautiful imagery bouncing around in my creative mind, thoughts for this week’s topic took shape. We can learn a lot about life and about change from the butterfly and this week, I want to explore 10 lessons on change that the butterfly teaches us. 

LESSON #1: EMBRACE CHANGE. To embrace change means we are accepting of it. The following quote from http://www.idanceintherain.com nicely sums up this thought: “Do not see acceptance as a weakness. Accepting a situation does not mean you are giving up. Acceptance simply means that you recognize and understand your current situation. Acceptance allows you to be free from the shackles of denial and move forward in life, creating a new path and a new life for yourself.”

Nothing is permanent; change happens all the time.   Before change happens, remember that some things go and are replaced by new things. This is a fact of life. And, with some change, it is necessary for the old, the former to go so that the new can come.   For a caterpillar to become a butterfly it must change.  

LESSON #2: ALL CHANGE BEGINS WITH AN ENDING.   All change begins with some sort of loss. To get what one wants, one must give up what is. “It’s the end of the world,” said the caterpillar. “It’s the beginning of the world,” said the butterfly.

LESSON #3:  LET GO OF THE PAST.  In order to be able to fully let go and embrace what change brings, the acceptance of the loss, of the end of the current, is vital.  You need to let go of the past in order to accept change and adjust to life, so that you can remain optimistic and create the future you want.  Louise Smith says, “You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are full of yesterday’s junk.”  We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.( Maya Angelou) The caterpillar must be let go before the butterfly can become. 

LESSON #4:   WE MUST SPEND TIME IN THE “WILDERNESS;” THE NEUTRAL ZONE.  In our lives, the wilderness or neutral zone comes after a change has occurred and we have ended something and let go.  This is a place when the old and the new overlap.  For the butterfly, this is the pupa stage of its transformation. This is where a larva encapsulates itself into a shell-like structure that hangs from a twig or branch.  Inside the structure, the insect is rapidly changing; transforming.  It is in the wilderness of the change process that we, too, begin our transformation into “something new.”  It is here that new ideas, new discoveries, re-orientations, and creativity take center stage and help propel those undergoing the change toward something they might be able to accept; something that might make their life better.

LESSON #5:  COME OUT OF THE COCOON.  The cocoon is the comfort zone of the caterpillar.  Just imagine if the caterpillar never emerged from this state of change?  We would never have the beautiful butterfly.  Yes, change can be frightening.  Getting moved out of our comfort zone is unsettling. We feel safe and secure when ‘wrapped’ in the zone.  But, you will never know what is possible or what you are capable of unless you leave the confines of what is comfortable and known.  How can you move forward unless you are willing to open new doors and try new things.  Indeed, you will never know what you are capable of doing; you may never reach your full potential unless you venture beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone.

The shift outside our comfort zone forces us to try new things. The shift outside our comfort zone gives us an opportunity to learn things about ourselves and to see ourselves in a different light.  The shift outside our comfort zone gives us our “wings.”  You can only fly once you are willing to give up the safety of your cocoon.  And, like the butterfly, you have the strength and hope to believe that in time, you will emerge from your cocoon, transformed. 

 LESSON #6: TRUST THE FUTURE. Today a caterpillar; tomorrow a butterfly. Don’t lose hope because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Embrace the opportunity to pursue your vision, your dream, your goal! Sonia Ricotti’s thoughts sum up this thought nicely, “Just trust that everything is unfolding in the way it is supposed to. Don’t resist. Surrender to what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. Great things are waiting for you around the corner.”

LESSON #7: UNFURL YOUR WINGS. Never underestimate that power that is, and has always been, within you. You need to be confident in yourself when dealing with change. The more confident you are, the more likely you are to deal positively with whatever change is facing you. And, the more confident you are, the stronger your sense of control and direction will be allowing you to approach anything change challenges you with.

You must believe in yourself.   When you believe in yourself, you are more willing to be pro-active, to take action which is really needed when dealing with change and transition. No matter what change is bringing to you, if you move forth confidently keeping your dreams, your goals, and what you want front and center, you will invariably be successful. You can rise above any challenge change throws your way if you remember to remain confident in yourself! 

LESSON #8: DARE TO GET OFF THE GROUND. “Just when the caterpillar thought, ‘I am incapable of moving,’ it became a butterfly.” (Annette Thomas) When change and transition alter the course of your journey and a new route must be tried, there is a certain amount of risk involved when traveling down the unknown route. Instead of curling up in the safety of your comfort zone, be bold and step up the challenge. Remember, life begins at the end of your comfort zone.   T.S. Eliot said, “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

We have all heard the proverb, “Nothing ventured; nothing gained.” In times of change and transition, if we want to ‘gain,’ to make progress in the new environment or situation, we must ‘venture.’ With that venture, we will sometimes have to take risks to move forth; to make progress. So, don’t regret the chance you didn’t take. Make things happen for you.   Be brave. Take that first step. You may be surprised what you learn about yourself.

LESSON #9: RIDE THE BREEZES AND SAVOR THE FLOWERS. Butterflies seem to dance as they flutter along the breezes and among the flowers. Their “dance on the breeze” can be a reminder to us to approach things with joy; with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the fuel that sustains you when dealing with change. It is the fire that lights you up and keeps you moving forward in the face of difficulties. It lifts you up (just as the breezes lift a butterfly) when the situation looks dark, and it energizes you when you are tired. Being enthusiastic about what you are doing will increase your experience in a really good way.  It increases your vitality.  You will go about your life with energy and you’ll feel good about what you are doing, no matter what it is.

When we are enthusiastic, we are: more positive; more optimistic; less stressed; more excited about life. If we can maintain excitement and enthusiasm, we are able to better deal with whatever issue the change may be presenting. As Norman Vincent Peale said, “Enthusiasm releases the drive to carry you over obstacles and adds significance to all you do.”   Enthusiasm is the fire that lights you up and keeps you moving forward in the face of difficulties. It lifts you up when the situation looks dark, and it energizes you when you are tired.

LESSON #10: PUT ON YOUR BRIGHTEST COLORS. “Butterflies bring color and joy with them.” (Trish Phillips) After a change, don’t hide yourself. Announce to the world that you are here and you are ready to face whatever the change has brought/is bringing. The brighter the colors on a butterfly, the more noticeable it is. Be the same.

Wearing your brightest colors might release your inner child – the part of us that takes us back to a time when: we were free spirits; our imaginations would run wild; we were creative beyond reason; our days were filled with laugher, fun, joy, and play; we were wildly happy about anything and everything; when cardboard boxes became houses, cars, airplanes or caves; curiosity drove a lot of what we did; we weren’t afraid to take a risk or make a mistake; we bounced back from any type of daily disruption; we lived in the moment.

Our inner child exudes unbridled joy, boundless energy, a free-spirited nature, a wild imagination, creativity, happiness, enthusiasm, resilience, stamina, laughter, fun, curiosity, a sense of wonder. Aren’t these characteristics that we want working for us as we deal with change? Leo F. Buscaglia wrote, “I am often accused of being childish.  I prefer to interpret that as child-like.  I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things.  I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish.  I still listen to instinctual urges.  I play with leaves.  I skip down the street and run against the wind.  I never water my garden without soaking myself.  It has been after such times of joy that I have achieved my greatest creativity and produced my best work.” 

If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies. And so it is with us. If nothing ever changed with us, we’d remain “caterpillars” all our lives. This is not how life is meant to be lived. Change is inevitable, so just like the beautiful butterfly, let’s channel that change for the better.   We need to continually grow and evolve. Just as the butterfly goes through a metamorphosis, so must we. Simona Rich writes, “Imagine the grand metamorphosis of the butterfly. Let’s relate the stages of this experience to the various aspects of our lives: first the tiny egg of potential, then the tireless caterpillar working toward that potential, then the chrysalis allowing that potential to take shape, and finally the butterfly who realizes that potential and takes flight.”

The butterfly is a wonderful symbol for change, transition, adaptation, and metamorphosis. When you see one, may it remind you of these 10 lessons on change that we can learn from this magnificent creature.

My friend, Nancy’s, butterfly rock garden. A permanent reminder of lessons on change this magnificent insect gives to us.

THE MIRACLE OF METAMORPHOSIS

In our many weeks of discussing change and strategies to deal with it, we’ve covered a lot of ground.  Adapting to change or doing something to better fit with the new environment or the different conditions was what we last explored.  Related to adaptation, but somewhat different, is transforming or transformation and that is on what we will focus this week.

By definition, a transformation is a change in form, appearance, nature, or character.  It is an evolution into something different.  (A sign at a local business in my community announces that it is ‘evolving’ into and then its new business name is given.  The implication for the business given the use of the term evolving is that it will become something that looks, feels, and does things differently.)  While true, it really is more than that.  When something is transformed, it is expanded so that it becomes more than what it was.  The metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly is a great example of a transformation.  The caterpillar, in changing its appearance, literally expands its form and becomes much more than what it was; the transformation creates a new reality.

Not only is a new reality created in a transformation, but a whole new mindset also occurs.  You ask, what do you mean by that, Becky?  Let me use myself as an example.  For the first six months of 2007, I was working as the head of school at Mount de Chantal Visitation Academy in Wheeling, WV.  I lived in a house out in the country of SW Pennsylvania.  I was very active in the community of Wheeling.  I was a big sister to three young girls in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program. And, I was just Aunt Becky to my nephew.

The author (center) in her professional life.

In July of that year, my sister-in-law, who had been battling breast cancer for eight years, received some devastating news.  From July to December, I had to adapt to some changes in my life:  leaving the realm of educational administration to become a caregiver for my sister-in-law and my nephew; leaving the community activities of Wheeling, including the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program; and, leaving my home in rural SW Pennsylvania.

I began a slow transformation from all that I was to this new being called “auntie-mom” in a whole new environment of suburbia. I truly had a shift in mindset, in consciousness.  It was my nephew who pointed this out to me when we were discussing something and I reminded him that when he was young, he could tell me anything.  He said, “That was then. This is now. Things are different.  You can no longer just be Aunt Becky.”

The transformation from Aunt Becky to auntie-mom didn’t look any different on the outside.  The difference was internal; it was in how I now thought and approached situations, especially with my nephew (more as a parent instead of one of the relatives who can relax the rules and spoil the child).

Transformed to the auntie mom role; behind the scenes and cheering nephew (in black and red) and at lacrosse games.

The transformation happened at my core and it really created a new existence for me.  I knew the transformation was complete when I no longer cared to be what I used to be – a school leader, a community leader, a Big Sister – and loved being an auntie-mom.  So, why is transformation an important strategy in dealing with change?  When the change is so dramatic that one’s world becomes drastically different, that new mindset, that new consciousness – a transformation – might be needed so life can be positive and productive.  Transformations bring about a future that is new which is something a particular change may necessitate. (Revisiting the June 2, 8, 16, and 23 posts on ending something, learning to let go, roaming the wilderness, and vision may be helpful in putting into perspective why transformations may be needed and useful.)

If you are dealing with a change that may necessitate a transformation, what are some things that will help with that?

Let go of the past.  You must give up what is to get what will be.  Mourn the past, what you are giving up, but don’t become stuck in it.  Relish the memories, the good from the past.  Learn from what was. As Louise Smith said, “You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are full of yesterday’s junk.”

Accept the loss.  In order to be able to fully let go and embrace what the change brings, the acceptance of the loss, of the end of the current, is vital.  You need to let go of the past in order to accept change and adjust to life, so that you can remain optimistic and create the future you want.

Ride the emotional roller coaster.  You do need to acknowledge all the emotions that may overcome you.   Just as a roller coaster has highs and lows, so will you.  Deal with the lows: the anger, fear, sadness, frustration, sorrow.  Embrace the highs: the hope, joy, relief, understanding.  Allowing yourself to experience and work through the emotions will help free you from the past and help connect you to what will be.

Roam the wilderness.  I call the place between what was and what will be the wilderness.  William Bridges calls it the neutral zone. Others call is the void.  Whatever term is used, this is the time in our transition where we have a foot in two worlds.  For me, this was July to December 2007 when I was caring for my sister-in-law and nephew while at the same time still doing some of my professional work long distance.  For the caterpillar/butterfly, this is the time spent in the cocoon.  The wilderness gives us some space and time to reflect, think, question.  A lot is unknown at this point and that is okay.  The wilderness gives us time to explore.

While roaming the wilderness, experiment with the ideas that come to the surface.  Use trial and error in deciding what to do, what direction in which to go, who to see.  Be patient.   Give others and yourself time to work through the thoughts, ideas, and suggestions that come to the surface.  Be observant.  Watch for “footprints in the snow” or those signs of how things are evolving.  Capitalize on the moments of creativity.  And, set short-term goals.  Where do things need to be in a day?  A week?  At the end of the month?  What should things look like in a day, week, or month?  Listen to your inner voice.  Your inner voice will help you to develop new understandings and to take advantage of new opportunities.

Capitalize on your childlike wonder.  The September 22 post focused on using childlike wonder and awe to seek solutions and solve problems.  Childlike wonder is an attitude that among other things, allows us to have little or no fear of the unknown, to be imaginative and creative, to take on challenges, to try new things, to believe we can achieve whatever we conceive.  When dealing with the unfamiliar, unleash your inner child and see things with the eyes of wonder and awe.  I have a poster with Marcel Proust’s quote, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”  This is exactly what we need to do in our transformation – see something ‘for the first time.’

Build new skills.  If your transformation is taking you in a direction where you will be doing something quite different, new skills may be needed.  Work to develop them.  Take classes.  Talk to others.  Read.  Observe.  Remember, “A butterfly is a transformation, not a better butterfly.”  New skills were needed by the butterfly like learning to fly.  It is the same with us.

Keep going.  It is easy to start; many don’t finish.  Don’t let your fears sabotage your process.  Have a vision of your transformed self and let that be your motivation to keep going.  If need be, write down how the vision can be achieved, and then work diligently to achieve what will be.

Transformation is a journey.  It is a process.  It takes time.  It happens when your desire to live your new life replaces the desire to live the old life.  When you no longer want things to go back to the way they were, you are transformed.  Once a transformation occurs, you will never be what you once were.  Transformation requires a change on both emotional and intellectual levels.  It requires a willingness to make the journey. According to Dr. Henriette Mann, “The process of transformation challenges us to address, and indeed heal, those aspects of our being which we may be hesitant to acknowledge but which can prevent us from moving forward.  Transformation involves change at the core of our being, change that is implemented in a thoughtful and intentional manner. Thus the process is rarely swift but rather involves slowing down long enough to truthfully examine and discern the deeper meaning in our lives.  In this process we have to consider the ways in which the events of our lives and our actions have led us to our present reality.   The result of such assessment can be increased clarity leading to a deeper integration between who we are and what we do.  Such alignment is a key element in transformation.”

So, how do you see your transformed self?