LONGING FOR SERENITY

Sister Joan Chittister (an American Benedictine nun, theologian, and author) writes in the January 2020 edition of The Monastic Way, “So much of life gets consumed by energy we should never have expended by giving in to frustration, by struggling against the obvious, by trying to wrench the present to meet our own limited expectations.  Then one day it dawns.  Serenity, the ability to stand unshaken in the middle of a turbulent world, is the keel of the healthy life.”

Serenity is a state of peace amid difficulty; it is being calm, at peace, and untroubled despite what may be happening around us.  As I write this, much of the world is still reeling from the Covid-19 virus.  So much frustration and anxiety have entered lives as a result of the virus and its devastating effects.  I know I long for serenity amid the chaos.  I hope and pray that friends, family, and even those I don’t know are able to find moments of calm and peace amid all the fear, anxiety, unknowns, and frustrations.

But as Sister Chittister says, “Serenity does not come to the average life quickly or easily.”  Why is that?  Because serenity is a state of mind, one we have to work to develop.  For many, serenity isn’t the natural fallback especially in times of unexpected change or in times of emotional stress.

A serene mind is one that gives us the ability to handle anything that comes its way, no matter how big, how tough, how drastic, or how severe.  And while serenity isn’t the natural fallback, since it is an attitude, it is something we can work toward developing.  We can:

Remember serenity is a choice.  So choose to release negative chatter and stress and focus on calmness and peacefulness.  What we focus on gets strengthened.

Recognize what is creating the tension in our lives and work to resolve it.

Recharge with some fresh air.  The atmosphere outside the four walls of our offices and homes provides a refreshing change of pace that recharges our minds and our spirits.  Take in the smells, the sounds, the sights and allow them to refresh and invigorate us.

Smile.  Smiling is an expression that denotes pleasure, happiness, or joy.  Smiles allow us to feel the bright side of life and feel and think in a more positive way.  And, when we feel positive or happy or joyful, we are more likely to be serene and peaceful.

Listen to our inner voice.  Jonathan Lockwood Huie (author and “philosopher of happiness”) tells us, “Your inner voice always knows what to do, but it is a quiet voice.  You can only hear the whisperings of your inner voice – your inner compass – when you turn down the volume of your fears, your regrets, your resentments, and the fear-based advice your neighbors are so willing to give you.”  Our inner voice is a short cut to serenity but we need to listen for it and heed its advice.

Check in with our positive “posse.”  Surrounding ourselves with encouraging and positive people helps keep energy vampires from stealing our peace of mind, our serenity.

Forgive.  When we let go of and move beyond old hurts, resentments, memories, and anger we give ourselves the gift of peace.  Forgiving ourselves and others is very empowering and freeing.  Forgiveness opens space for serenity to take hold and blossom.

Create a blessings or gratitude list.  Looking at our lives through a lens of gratitude makes the good seem even better, the not-so-good look good, and makes us more appreciative of what we do have. It also helps us focus on the positive.   When we are in a positive frame of mind, we tend to have a sense of tranquility, calm, and peace (all of which help with our serenity).

Practice acceptance.  Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle advises, “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”  Acceptance means recognizing and understanding our current situation and what we can and cannot change within it.   When we are able to do this, it releases much stress from us and allows us to move forward in a calmer manner.

Be totally in the present.  When we live in the present moment, we are mindful of what is happening now. We are not distracted by the past or preoccupied with the future.  Being present minded keeps us grounded, connected, and happier.

Maintain perspective.  Look at all sides of the issue.  This helps maintain balance.

Do a random act of kindness.  Being kind to others makes us feel good about ourselves.  Feeling good about ourselves leads to an inner peace.  That inner peace leads to being serene.

Take things one day at a time.  Get through one day before thinking about how to deal with the next day.   While we may have to plan for the future, we don’t have to worry about it.  We can keep the future in sight, but our focus should be on the here and now.

Indian religious teacher and spiritual master, Swami Satchidananda, advises, “We can be serene even in the midst of calamities and, by our serenity, make others more tranquil.”  I love this advice.  It is up to us to bring serenity into the moments of chaos in our lives.  We may have to work at developing our attitude of serenity, but we all have the capability to do so.  And, when we are at peace, we will be better able to spread that to those around us.

Please stay safe and well dear readers.  Thoughts and prayers are with you.

AN OASIS OF SERENITY

During a fund drive on my favorite classical music radio station, one donor described the station as her “oasis of serenity.”  Wow, I thought!  How true.  I always feel calm, at peace, and relaxed when listening to classical music.  And, those adjectives certainly are part of an oasis and serenity.  An oasis is a pleasant or peaceful area in the midst of a difficult place or situation.  Serenity is a state of peace amid difficulty; it is being calm, at peace, untroubled.

In these times of “life overload” where every moment of every day can be filled with something to do; where we’re connected 24/7; where our technology (iPhones, iPads, Smartphones, computers, etc.) seems to be an extension of our hands; where our attention is drawn to every ding, ping, or sound of that technology, we all need an oasis of serenity to help us slow down a bit, to help us “refuel” on those busy days, to help us find ourselves when we got lost in the busyness, or to find perspective when we are overwhelmed.

An oasis of serenity may also help us let go of our stresses and worries.  I am reminded of a story about a psychologist who walked around a room while conducting a stress management seminar.  As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question.  Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?”  Answers ranged from 8 ounces to 20 ounces.  She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter.  It depends on how long I hold it.  If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem.  If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm.  If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed.  In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.  She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water.  Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt.  And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.  Remember to put the glass down.”

So to help us put “down the glass with our stresses and worries,”  slow down, refuel, find ourselves or find perspective, let’s focus this week on some ways we can create our own oases of serenity.  These are in no particular order and one or more than one can be used as our lives dictate.

SCHEDULE “ME” TIME. Make an appointment (just as ones for doctors or meetings are made) with ourselves.  Thirty minutes is ideal, but even five minutes can work wonders.  In this time, we need to do something that brings a smile to our face and brings calm and relaxation into our midst.

HAVE PERSONAL PEACE CONFERENCES.  These conferences give us time to reconnect with ourselves, assess what is going on around us, and determine how to proceed with things.  There should be no technology present at these conferences.  Enjoy the peace and quiet.

RECHARGE WITH SOME FRESH AIR.  The atmosphere outside the four walls of our offices and homes provides a refreshing change of pace that recharges our minds and our spirits.  Take in the smells, the sounds, the sights and allow them to refresh and invigorate us.

SMILE.  Smiling is an expression that denotes pleasure, happiness, or joy.  Smiles allow us to feel the bright side of life and feel and think in a more positive way.  And, when we feel positive or happy or joyful, we are more likely to be serene and peaceful.

LISTEN TO OUR INNER VOICE.  Jonathan Lockwood Huie (author and “philosopher of happiness”) tells us, “Your inner voice always knows what to do, but it is a quiet voice.  You can only hear the whisperings of your inner voice – your inner compass – when you turn down the volume of your fears, your regrets, your resentments, and the fear-based advice your neighbors are so willing to give you.”  Our inner voice is a short cut to serenity but we need to listen for it and heed its advice.

CHECK IN WITH OUR POSITIVE “POSSE.”  Surrounding ourselves with encouraging and positive people helps keep energy vampires from stealing our peace of mind, our serenity.

FORGIVE.  When we let go of and move beyond old hurts, resentments, memories, and anger we give ourselves the gift of peace.  Forgiving ourselves and others is very empowering and freeing.  Forgiveness opens space for serenity to take hold and blossom.

CREATE A BLESSINGS OR GRATITUDE LIST.  Looking at our lives through a lens of gratitude makes the good seem even better, the not-so-good look good, and makes us more appreciative of things and helps us focus on the positive.   When we are in a positive frame of mind, we tend to have a sense of tranquility, calm, and peace (all of which help with our serenity).

POWER NAP.  Being well rested helps us find serenity.  During a busy day when energy lags, refresh the mind, body and spirit with a quick power nap. Twenty minutes is ideal but even five minutes can do wonders for us.

PRACTICE ACCEPTANCE.  Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle advises, “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”  Acceptance means recognizing and understanding our current situation and what we can and cannot change within it.   When we are able to do this, it releases much stress from us and allows us to move forward in a calmer manner.

DO A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS.  Being kind to others makes us feel good about ourselves.  Feeling good about ourselves leads to an inner peace.  That inner peace provides an oasis of serenity for us.

CREATE SERENITY SPACE IN YOUR HOME /YARD.  We can physically create spaces of serenity in our homes, inside and out.  Inside, it can be as simple as decluttering (whether it is the entire house, one room, one flat surface, our desk).  Why declutter?  Because it is hard to relax when there we are inundated with too much “stuff.”  We can also create spaces that give us peace and serenity by the colors we choose, how we design the layout of furniture, and how we accessorize.  Outside, we can have “serenity gardens” or places of quiet and solitude that help us maintain a sense of calm.

It is up to us to bring peace into the moments of chaos in our lives.  We all have the capability to do so.  We all have the capability of creating our own oasis of serenity in the midst of our busyness. We just need to take the time to do so.  It doesn’t have to be complex; it can be very simple.  No excuses.  Take one of the suggestions for a “test drive” this week and see what happens.

THIS LIFE JOURNEY

“Life is such a strange journey for pretty much all of us. It is a book being written every day, each new chapter unknown to the reader, who is experiencing a path that could turn at any moment.” Pauly Perrette penned these words in an article she wrote for TV Guide magazine in December 2016. Ms. Perrette is known for her role as Abby Sciuto on the American television show, NCIS.

These words are so true. We never know from day to day what twists and turns life will hold. However, it is a certainty that at some point we will experience some sort of change; something will be made different from what it once was.

Our life journey is similar to riding a roller coaster. There will always be ups, those times when the journey is filled with joy, happiness, laughter, smiles, special moments, celebrations, blessings, opportunities… There will always be downs, those times when the journey is filled sadness, heartache, disappointment, hardship, obstacles, challenges, lessons… As someone said, “…Sometimes you close your eyes and hold on in sheer terror and other times you just have to raise your hands in the air and enjoy the ride.”

It is easy to enjoy the good moments in our life journey; not so much so when the moments are dark and challenging. While on your life journey, remember to:

Become objective after the emotional response to change.

Separate what is under your control from what is not.

Maintain perspective.

Be open.

Be willing to “soul search” to determine if you are moving in the right direction or taking the appropriate course of action.

Relax.

 

Engage in thoughtful reflection.

Be positive.

Look for opportunities in each situation.

Maintain your sense of humor even in the most difficult of times; smile and laugh.

Know what you want out of life; know where you want to go.

Relax.

 

Keep true to your vision; believe in yourself.  

Hold strong to your values.

Cherish memories in your heart.

Listen to your inner voice; do what you feel is right.

Avoid having regrets.

Relax.

 

 

Ask questions.

Venture beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone once in a while. 

Avoid being the victim.

Believe that everything happens for a reason (even if it isn’t understandable at the moment).

Look for the rainbows; something beautiful often follows a storm.

Relax.

 

Move forward always; only look back to see how far you’ve come. 

Do all the good you can.

Have a network of people to whom you can turn in times of need.

Embrace change.

Relax.

Someone said, “If you align in any moment with the flow of life as it presents itself, all will unfold in the right way at the right time with a certain spontaneity and ease.” In our life journey, we are all going to have times in our lives when we struggle with something. We need to learn to with the flow. The roller coaster of life will most certainly have ups and downs. When the roller coaster has us ‘down,’ it is important to remember that the down will be followed by an up so we shouldn’t be thrown off track by the down. Just let things be; things will work themselves out. While things are working themselves out, we need not dwell on the situation but rather accept what is happening, deal with what we are facing, and look to how we can learn and grow from the experience. For remember, the ‘up’ after the ‘down’ is coming and in that up, things will be better, we will be happier, and we will continue on the “track” of this life journey never knowing what is around the next bend, or up, or down but able to handle whatever does come our way.  And, remember, ENJOY THE RIDE!

GAME CHANGING DECISIONS

I recently visited with 91-year-old Aunt Mary Ann. As a result of dementia, which has stolen her knowledge of how to do some basic life skills (among other things), she resides in a skilled nursing facility. On this day, she was alert and pretty much “with it.” Because of her alertness, we played a game of Yahtzee after lunch.

Yahtzee is a game the object of which is to roll five dice for scoring combinations and get the highest score. On each turn, one gets to roll the dice up to three times to get the highest scoring combination for one of 13 categories. This game requires one to make a decision after each roll.

Despite Aunt Mary Ann’s alertness, after each of her rolls, I summarized the different options available to her. On one roll, she had two 4s and two 5s. She could keep those and try for one more 4 or 5 for a full house, keep the 4s and try for more of them, or keep the 5s and try for more of them. I told her if it were me, I’d try for the full house. She chose not to do that, instead going for more 5s. She did not roll another 5. She looked at me with a smile and said, “Bad decision.”

We talked about how it wasn’t a bad decision; it was just a decision that didn’t turn out how she wanted. Throughout the rest of the game, I was more cognizant of any decision either of us made and how it turned out.

When I left her, I couldn’t stop thinking about decisions. A decision is a conclusion one reaches after considering information at hand. Decision making would then be the act of making a choice between a set of options. Making decisions is a huge part of our everyday lives: what to wear, what to eat, what to watch, what to listen to. Sometimes we’re faced with making decisions that require some serious thought such as changing jobs, accepting a job offer, entering into a new relationship, ending a current relationship, or making a major purchase.

Life is about choices. Choices mean decisions. In the following situation, what would your decision be? You are a college football coach. It is late in the fourth quarter of the game. You are down by seven points.   Your team scores a touchdown so the point difference is now one. You have two choices. Kick an extra point and if successful, tie the game. Try for a two-point conversion and if successful, go ahead by one. What to do? What to do?

This situation is exactly what the coach of Michigan State faced in the November 19, 2016 game against Ohio State. The coach only had seconds to ponder the pros and cons of each outcome. His decision was to go for the two-point conversion. That attempt failed. The end result didn’t turn out how he wanted and many questioned that decision, calling it bad, wrong, ill advised. However, if the two-point conversion had been successful with the end result turning out how he wanted, that decision would have been called good, right, gutsy.

When we are faced with a choice, we must make a decision. The decision will not be right or wrong. It won’t be good or bad.   The decision will just be.  (Remember, those adjectives describe the constructs others place on the outcome of the decision.) The important thing is to decide so we can move on. In the time we have to make a decision, we must look at the factors that present themselves at that moment. If the end result turns out how we wanted, things progress forward in the manner we had hoped. If the end result doesn’t turn out how we wanted, we need to re-evaluate our choice to determine next steps and in what direction we will move. Looking for the lesson in a decision that didn’t turn out how we wanted is a productive action to take.

There is no magic formula for making decisions, but there are some things we can do to help us when we are presented with a choice and must make a decision. These tips are presented in no particular order:

Stay calm. Panic only interferes with rational thinking.

Do your research. Get as much information as you can.

Create a list of pros and cons.

Imagine the worst case scenario and determine how likely that is to happen. Ask yourself if you can deal with the worst case.

Be objective. Balance rationality with emotions.

Listen to your inner voice.   Trust your gut instinct.   A good decision will feel right. If you have to be talked into doing something, that may not be the way to go.

Match personal values, vision, and direction to choices.

Let go of the fear of making a decision. Remember, there is no right or wrong. Any choice helps you move in a direction. Movement is better than being stuck.

Talk to family, friends, colleagues.

Establish a timeframe in which the decision is to be made.

Deepak Chopra in his The Book of Secrets: Unlocking the Hidden Dimensions of Your Life says, “If you obsess over whether you are making the right decision, you are basically assuming that the universe will reward you for one thing and punish you for another. The universe has no fixed agenda. Once you make any decision, it works around that decision. There is no right or wrong, only a series of possibilities that shift with each thought, feeling, and action that you experience. If this sounds too mystical, refer again to the body. Every significant vital sign- body temperature, heart rate, oxygen consumption, hormone level, brain activity, and so on- alters the moment you decide to do anything… decisions are signals telling your body, mind, and environment to move in a certain direction.”

I agree. With decisions, there is no right or wrong just a series of possibilities that follow whatever choice is made. The end result will either be what we wanted or hoped for or it will not. If the result of the decision moves us in a direction in which we had wanted to go, life will go on nicely until the next major decision needs to be made. If the result of the decision isn’t what we hoped for or doesn’t help move us forward in our journey, we need to look for the lesson in the decision, learn from it, and use that new knowledge to help us move in a direction which will take us to a place in our life journey where we need to be.

LISTENING TO OUR INNER VOICE

Growing up in the 1950s and 60s, it was common to have movies of the 1930s and 40s shown on television. I especially enjoyed Shirley Temple movies. I thought I had seen just about every Shirley Temple movie ever, so imagine my surprise to come upon The Blue Bird (1940) starring Shirley Temple. Not familiar with this one, I watched it and while doing so, I couldn’t help but see many parallels between this movie and The Wizard of Oz.

In both movies, the lead characters (Mytyl in The Blue Bird and Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz) are both searching for something (happiness and a way home) and they do so in a dream or dreamlike state. They both have a “guardian” of sorts helping them on their journeys (Fairy Berylune and  Glinda the Good Witch of the North).  Both girls have interesting traveling companions and both girls meet some dangerous characters along the way. And, in the end, both girls discover that what they were searching for was near or within them all the time.

Reflecting on these movies, especially the searching for something, got me to thinking about how we are often in pursuit of something whether it be happiness (which could be in the form of a new job or a new relationship or whatever), money, recognition or freedom from something (you can your own personal item to the list). And, I think we especially pursue something when we are dealing with change of any kind. We tend to seek a return to what once was, stability, the strength to persevere, answers as to why whatever happened happened to us, etc.

And, like Mytyl, Dorothy, and their friends, we often begin our pursuit of whatever looking to people, places, and things external to us while overlooking everything close especially our own, wise inner voice. We all need to pay more attention to what is close at hand especially our inner voice. Our inner voice speaks from both the heart and the head. It combines feelings and emotions as well as our rational thoughts.  Bonnie Bell, principal and director of Career/Life/Coaching describes our inner voice as a “personal Geiger counter.” A Geiger counter detects radiation. Our personal Geiger counters detect what feels right; what to pursue.

Our inner voice is the part of us that is able to view the bigger picture and because of that is a tremendous guide in helping us navigate the pathways through the lessons of life and to that bigger picture. There are some advantages to listening to our inner voice. We can save time and energy by pursuing what is meaningful to us (avoiding journeys fraught with peril and challenges). Because our inner voice usually speaks to us when we are quiet, still, or relaxed, stress levels can be greatly reduced. (Think of the stress both Mytyl and Dorothy were under on their journeys due to the challenges they and their friends faced.) Listening to our inner voice helps increase our trust level which helps with decision making.

If you aren’t used to listening to your inner voice, here a few suggestions to help you develop inner voice listening skills:

1. Quiet your mind and spend some silent, private time with yourself.
2. Find personal meaning in what is going on around or happening to you.
3. Reflect on your values. Emotions should work in concert with your values.
4. Trust your intuition and gut level feelings. Believe in yourself!
5. Have a willingness to embrace change. (Often our inner voice tells us to move in a direction we may not have thought of. We have to be willing to move in the direction of that change,)
6. Avoid overthinking the situation/issue. (The past is the past. The future hasn’t happened. Concentrate on the here and now and what is truly important right now.)
7. Eliminate negative chatter from your mind.

Steve Jobs has said, “Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important (sic), have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” The next time you are faced with a major decision or think you want something, before taking any action, indulge in some quiet time with yourself. Allow your inner voice a chance to put its “two cents worth” into the discussion. Reflect on what it is telling you for therein lies the key to unlocking the way for whatever you may be pursuing.

 

 

THE MIRACLE OF METAMORPHOSIS

In our many weeks of discussing change and strategies to deal with it, we’ve covered a lot of ground.  Adapting to change or doing something to better fit with the new environment or the different conditions was what we last explored.  Related to adaptation, but somewhat different, is transforming or transformation and that is on what we will focus this week.

By definition, a transformation is a change in form, appearance, nature, or character.  It is an evolution into something different.  (A sign at a local business in my community announces that it is ‘evolving’ into and then its new business name is given.  The implication for the business given the use of the term evolving is that it will become something that looks, feels, and does things differently.)  While true, it really is more than that.  When something is transformed, it is expanded so that it becomes more than what it was.  The metamorphosis of a caterpillar into a butterfly is a great example of a transformation.  The caterpillar, in changing its appearance, literally expands its form and becomes much more than what it was; the transformation creates a new reality.

Not only is a new reality created in a transformation, but a whole new mindset also occurs.  You ask, what do you mean by that, Becky?  Let me use myself as an example.  For the first six months of 2007, I was working as the head of school at Mount de Chantal Visitation Academy in Wheeling, WV.  I lived in a house out in the country of SW Pennsylvania.  I was very active in the community of Wheeling.  I was a big sister to three young girls in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program. And, I was just Aunt Becky to my nephew.

The author (center) in her professional life.

In July of that year, my sister-in-law, who had been battling breast cancer for eight years, received some devastating news.  From July to December, I had to adapt to some changes in my life:  leaving the realm of educational administration to become a caregiver for my sister-in-law and my nephew; leaving the community activities of Wheeling, including the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program; and, leaving my home in rural SW Pennsylvania.

I began a slow transformation from all that I was to this new being called “auntie-mom” in a whole new environment of suburbia. I truly had a shift in mindset, in consciousness.  It was my nephew who pointed this out to me when we were discussing something and I reminded him that when he was young, he could tell me anything.  He said, “That was then. This is now. Things are different.  You can no longer just be Aunt Becky.”

The transformation from Aunt Becky to auntie-mom didn’t look any different on the outside.  The difference was internal; it was in how I now thought and approached situations, especially with my nephew (more as a parent instead of one of the relatives who can relax the rules and spoil the child).

Transformed to the auntie mom role; behind the scenes and cheering nephew (in black and red) and at lacrosse games.

The transformation happened at my core and it really created a new existence for me.  I knew the transformation was complete when I no longer cared to be what I used to be – a school leader, a community leader, a Big Sister – and loved being an auntie-mom.  So, why is transformation an important strategy in dealing with change?  When the change is so dramatic that one’s world becomes drastically different, that new mindset, that new consciousness – a transformation – might be needed so life can be positive and productive.  Transformations bring about a future that is new which is something a particular change may necessitate. (Revisiting the June 2, 8, 16, and 23 posts on ending something, learning to let go, roaming the wilderness, and vision may be helpful in putting into perspective why transformations may be needed and useful.)

If you are dealing with a change that may necessitate a transformation, what are some things that will help with that?

Let go of the past.  You must give up what is to get what will be.  Mourn the past, what you are giving up, but don’t become stuck in it.  Relish the memories, the good from the past.  Learn from what was. As Louise Smith said, “You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are full of yesterday’s junk.”

Accept the loss.  In order to be able to fully let go and embrace what the change brings, the acceptance of the loss, of the end of the current, is vital.  You need to let go of the past in order to accept change and adjust to life, so that you can remain optimistic and create the future you want.

Ride the emotional roller coaster.  You do need to acknowledge all the emotions that may overcome you.   Just as a roller coaster has highs and lows, so will you.  Deal with the lows: the anger, fear, sadness, frustration, sorrow.  Embrace the highs: the hope, joy, relief, understanding.  Allowing yourself to experience and work through the emotions will help free you from the past and help connect you to what will be.

Roam the wilderness.  I call the place between what was and what will be the wilderness.  William Bridges calls it the neutral zone. Others call is the void.  Whatever term is used, this is the time in our transition where we have a foot in two worlds.  For me, this was July to December 2007 when I was caring for my sister-in-law and nephew while at the same time still doing some of my professional work long distance.  For the caterpillar/butterfly, this is the time spent in the cocoon.  The wilderness gives us some space and time to reflect, think, question.  A lot is unknown at this point and that is okay.  The wilderness gives us time to explore.

While roaming the wilderness, experiment with the ideas that come to the surface.  Use trial and error in deciding what to do, what direction in which to go, who to see.  Be patient.   Give others and yourself time to work through the thoughts, ideas, and suggestions that come to the surface.  Be observant.  Watch for “footprints in the snow” or those signs of how things are evolving.  Capitalize on the moments of creativity.  And, set short-term goals.  Where do things need to be in a day?  A week?  At the end of the month?  What should things look like in a day, week, or month?  Listen to your inner voice.  Your inner voice will help you to develop new understandings and to take advantage of new opportunities.

Capitalize on your childlike wonder.  The September 22 post focused on using childlike wonder and awe to seek solutions and solve problems.  Childlike wonder is an attitude that among other things, allows us to have little or no fear of the unknown, to be imaginative and creative, to take on challenges, to try new things, to believe we can achieve whatever we conceive.  When dealing with the unfamiliar, unleash your inner child and see things with the eyes of wonder and awe.  I have a poster with Marcel Proust’s quote, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”  This is exactly what we need to do in our transformation – see something ‘for the first time.’

Build new skills.  If your transformation is taking you in a direction where you will be doing something quite different, new skills may be needed.  Work to develop them.  Take classes.  Talk to others.  Read.  Observe.  Remember, “A butterfly is a transformation, not a better butterfly.”  New skills were needed by the butterfly like learning to fly.  It is the same with us.

Keep going.  It is easy to start; many don’t finish.  Don’t let your fears sabotage your process.  Have a vision of your transformed self and let that be your motivation to keep going.  If need be, write down how the vision can be achieved, and then work diligently to achieve what will be.

Transformation is a journey.  It is a process.  It takes time.  It happens when your desire to live your new life replaces the desire to live the old life.  When you no longer want things to go back to the way they were, you are transformed.  Once a transformation occurs, you will never be what you once were.  Transformation requires a change on both emotional and intellectual levels.  It requires a willingness to make the journey. According to Dr. Henriette Mann, “The process of transformation challenges us to address, and indeed heal, those aspects of our being which we may be hesitant to acknowledge but which can prevent us from moving forward.  Transformation involves change at the core of our being, change that is implemented in a thoughtful and intentional manner. Thus the process is rarely swift but rather involves slowing down long enough to truthfully examine and discern the deeper meaning in our lives.  In this process we have to consider the ways in which the events of our lives and our actions have led us to our present reality.   The result of such assessment can be increased clarity leading to a deeper integration between who we are and what we do.  Such alignment is a key element in transformation.”

So, how do you see your transformed self?

HOW HAVING A VISION OF YOUR FUTURE CAN HELP YOU DEAL WITH THE TRANSITIONS OF CHANGE

The past three weeks, we’ve been focusing on strategies that specifically help us deal with the transitions (the psychological phase) that accompany change (the situational phase). We’ve discussed ending something, letting go, and roaming the wilderness (or neutral zone). This week, I want to focus on the third step of William Bridges’ transition process. He calls it “new beginning.” I call it vision.

In dealing with change and transition, it is through the vision or the new beginning that everything comes together. The old or former merges with the ideas from the neutral zone or the wilderness and becomes transformed into a new identity, understanding, value, or attitude. New beginnings are linked to vision and it is the vision that provides the direction that was lacking in the neutral zone or wilderness.

When thinking of vision, I am always reminded of the story of the seahorse going out to seek his fortune. This seahorse was wandering aimlessly through the ocean when he came upon a sea creature that asked where he was going. The seahorse responded that he was seeking his fortune. The sea creature had a pair of flippers and told the seahorse if he bought them, he would get to his fortune much faster. So, the seahorse bought the flippers and he indeed did zip through the ocean faster. He came upon another sea creature who asked where he was going. The seahorse repeated his story, and this creature, having a motorized sea scooter for sale, told the seahorse if he bought it, he would get to his fortune in no time. So, the seahorse bought the scooter and he was then flying through the ocean. He came upon a shark who asked where he was going. When the seahorse told him that he was out to seek his fortune, the shark told him he knew of a shortcut and then opened his mouth. The seahorse took the shortcut never to be heard from again. The moral of the story? If you don’t know where you are going, you are liable to end up somewhere else and not even know it!

After negotiating the neutral zone/wilderness, we do need direction so that we can be successful in our new beginning. Vision provides this direction. Vision is the image of what we want the future to look like. The vision provides purpose and meaning and in doing so, gives hope, enthusiasm, importance, and inspiration to what we want to accomplish or what we want to be.

When moving into my first educational administrative role, my new beginning came when I finally let go of my “classroom teacher mindset” and began to think like an educational leader while not losing sight of what the classroom teacher goes through day in and day out. When I was emotionally ready to do things differently, my new beginning “dawned.” When I clarified the vision I had for my department and staff, with me at the helm, I was truly on my way in my new role.

What can we do to develop further develop the skill of handling “new beginnings;” this strategy of vision?

1. Articulate the vision. I like to ask workshop participants what their idea of a perfect day is. Many have to really stop and think before they can answer. If one doesn’t know what their perfect day looks like, how will it ever be recognized or appreciated when it arrives? It is the same with vision. The vision, the direction, the goal must be clear and identifiable and one must be able to talk about it, share what it is with others.
2. Develop a plan to reach the vision. Write down, step-by-step, how the vision can be achieved.
3. Implement the plan of action. Get involved and stay involved. Provide incentives as needed.
4. Celebrate successes when milestones have been reached in the plan’s implementation. Do something that has meaning and that will feel like a reward.

When beginning anew, when pursuing the vision, make sure you listen to your “inner voice.” It will help you develop new understandings and take advantage of new opportunities. Remember the seahorse and his journey. Avoid his pitfalls by taking time to determine where you are going and outline the steps you need to take to get you there. Embrace the opportunity to pursue your vision, your dream, your goal!