TRUSTING THE MAGIC OF NEW BEGINNINGS

 

March 31 brought the month of March to an end. April 1 brought the beginning to the month of April. March 31 also brought the professional career of my dear friend, Karen, to an end with her retirement. April 1 brought a new beginning to her. Her retirement createed a change for her and as is common with change, something ends but something new begins.

Major changes (such as retirements, graduations, the unexpected loss of a loved one, relocations…) do bring an end (the point at which something no longer continues to happen or exist) to something. But, close on the heels of that end is a new beginning (something that is not known at this point in time when something starts). And, as Paulo Coehlo reminds us, “If you’re brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.”

No matter what circumstances (happy or sad; by choice or forced) bring about that new hello – that new beginning – we should approach it as a “magical” time. Probably the most “magical” time in our lives was when we were children. Remember when you were a free spirit? When your imagination ran wild? When you were creative beyond reason? When your days were filled with laugher, fun, and joy? When you were wildly happy about anything and everything? When you weren’t afraid to take a risk or make a mistake? When you bounced back from any type of disruption? When you lived in the moment? This is what new beginnings are all about.

New beginnings allow us to reconnect with our inner child. Our inner child allows us to approach and deal with situations as young children do – with resilience, joy, happiness, creativity, enthusiasm, and wide-eyed wonder.   What we don’t know or can’t see in our changed environment often throws us for a loop. The change that brings about the new beginning may have us questioning ourselves. Sometimes our confidence erodes. Our comfort zone shifts or disappears. Fear, anger, doubt, frustration – any number of emotions and feelings – may overcome us.  But, what if we allowed the part of our childlike wonder – the child’s ability to trust in what can’t be seen or what isn’t yet known – to take over and guide us in our approach to or in our decision making within our new beginning? The enthusiastic, happy, creative nature of our inner child can be a huge help in overcoming any paralyzing effects of change that may follow us into our new beginning.

So, this week, I have a five tips to help us all find the magic in our new beginnings:

M – make time

A – again/do overs

G – golden opportunities/possibilities

I – introspection

C – childlike wonder

MAKE TIME. It is important in our new beginning to make time for our dreams; our passions.   Take the time to try new things and do things we never took the time to do before. Take the time to “smell the roses.” As Dale Carnegie reminds us, “One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses blooming outside our windows today.”

AGAIN. New beginnings provide us the opportunity for do overs. Anything that we may have tried before and failed at or didn’t do quite to par, the new beginning gives us a fresh start to try again.  Young children don’t fear making a mistake. When they do, they learn from it. They figure out what they did wrong and work to right it.   We may be afraid to try a creative solution or try something new because we fear failure. Think how much easier it would be to deal with change and whatever it throws your way if you take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at what is facing you with “childlike wonder.” See something for the “first time.” Be fearless.   Think: so what if I make a mistake or fail. Think: what is the wildest thing I can think of to solve this issue or deal with this problem?

GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES. The new beginning opens us up to so many new possibilities. Ask what if, why, and why not questions. Seek to learn want to know more about things. Look at things as a child would; explore things with a “beginner’s” mind. Don’t let expectations constrain you. Dare to be like a child and go outside the lines. Walk on the wild side. (Create your own reality like Harold did in the children’s book Harold and the Purple Crayon.) Let your imagination run wild and free. Be more creative, imaginative, innovative, divergent, or just plain different in how we deal with or solve whatever we’re facing in the new beginning. Remain open at all times to receive the unexpected as well as what we think is coming. Start each day with an open mind about opportunities that may come your way. Be ready for the who, what, where, when, and why of each day. “Anticipate the day as if it was your birthday again and you are turning six again.” (Mike Dolan)

INTROSPECTION. Life is a journey. The process of introspection (or self-reflection) is the GPS on that journey. The process can reaffirm that we are on the right road or it can alert us that we need to “recalculate” where we are headed. Our new beginning is a great time to take stock of ourselves, reflecting on where we’ve been and where we want to head. This should be a time of honest and constructive self-assessment. As Carl Sandberg said, “It is necessary…for a man to go away by himself…to sit on a rock…and ask, who am I, where have I been, and where am I going?” The new beginning is a perfect time to do as Sandberg advises.

CHILDLIKE WONDER. Childlike wonder is an attitude; it is a way of seeing the magic in simple things and finding the fun and joy in simple things. Childlike wonder allows us to:  have little or no fear of the unknown, venture out of our comfort zone, be imaginative and creative, have little or no fear of failure, be a visionary, take on challenges, believe we can achieve whatever we conceive, and try new things. This is the attitude we need in our new beginning.

Dodinsky says, “Here is to NEW BEGINNINGS…yes you can reset your life at anytime! Another wonderful opportunity to better our lives, work on our dreams, appreciate life’s little gifts (that we sometimes ignore) and brave the challenges ahead.”   If we trust the magic of new beginnings and approach them with the heart of our inner child, our days in the new beginning will be exciting beyond belief.

Let your inner child guide you in your new beginning. Exude unbridled joy, boundless energy, a free-spirited nature, a wild imagination, creativity, happiness, enthusiasm, resilience, stamina, laughter, fun, curiosity, and a sense of wonder. Leo F. Buscaglia wrote, “I am often accused of being childish.  I prefer to interpret that as child-like.  I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things.  I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish.  I still listen to instinctual urges.  I play with leaves.  I skip down the street and run against the wind.  I never water my garden without soaking myself.  It has been after such times of joy that I have achieved my greatest creativity and produced my best work.” Buscaglia’s advice is perfect to help us deal with the changes, with the new beginnings in our life. Perhaps we can achieve our greatest creativity and produce our finest work (as we step into our new beginning) after releasing our inner child. To all my friends, faithful readers, and especially Karen, “Tag, you’re it!”

CHANGE LESSONS FROM THE BUTTERFLY

A week ago, I attended the Alpha Alpha State (Pennsylvania) Convention of The Delta Kappa Gamma (DKG) Society International. DKG is a professional honor society that promotes professional and personal growth of women educators and excellence in education. When the recently elected president was addressing the group, past officers came up behind her with a set of butterfly wings.   I found this symbolism so appropriate for the change of roles (a move from first vice-president to president) and for the metamorphosis into the organization’s leader. Mention was made of how this person had served in various roles within the organization all of which helped her gain the knowledge and understanding of what it would take to be the president (likened to the butterfly’s caterpillar stage of change). The “burden” of leadership was mentioned, but just as the wings of a butterfly allow it to overcome any burdens and soar high, so will the wings of leadership allow the incoming president to surmount any burdens she may encounter in her office.

With those powerful analogies and beautiful imagery bouncing around in my creative mind, thoughts for this week’s topic took shape. We can learn a lot about life and about change from the butterfly and this week, I want to explore 10 lessons on change that the butterfly teaches us. 

LESSON #1: EMBRACE CHANGE. To embrace change means we are accepting of it. The following quote from http://www.idanceintherain.com nicely sums up this thought: “Do not see acceptance as a weakness. Accepting a situation does not mean you are giving up. Acceptance simply means that you recognize and understand your current situation. Acceptance allows you to be free from the shackles of denial and move forward in life, creating a new path and a new life for yourself.”

Nothing is permanent; change happens all the time.   Before change happens, remember that some things go and are replaced by new things. This is a fact of life. And, with some change, it is necessary for the old, the former to go so that the new can come.   For a caterpillar to become a butterfly it must change.  

LESSON #2: ALL CHANGE BEGINS WITH AN ENDING.   All change begins with some sort of loss. To get what one wants, one must give up what is. “It’s the end of the world,” said the caterpillar. “It’s the beginning of the world,” said the butterfly.

LESSON #3:  LET GO OF THE PAST.  In order to be able to fully let go and embrace what change brings, the acceptance of the loss, of the end of the current, is vital.  You need to let go of the past in order to accept change and adjust to life, so that you can remain optimistic and create the future you want.  Louise Smith says, “You can’t reach for anything new if your hands are full of yesterday’s junk.”  We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.( Maya Angelou) The caterpillar must be let go before the butterfly can become. 

LESSON #4:   WE MUST SPEND TIME IN THE “WILDERNESS;” THE NEUTRAL ZONE.  In our lives, the wilderness or neutral zone comes after a change has occurred and we have ended something and let go.  This is a place when the old and the new overlap.  For the butterfly, this is the pupa stage of its transformation. This is where a larva encapsulates itself into a shell-like structure that hangs from a twig or branch.  Inside the structure, the insect is rapidly changing; transforming.  It is in the wilderness of the change process that we, too, begin our transformation into “something new.”  It is here that new ideas, new discoveries, re-orientations, and creativity take center stage and help propel those undergoing the change toward something they might be able to accept; something that might make their life better.

LESSON #5:  COME OUT OF THE COCOON.  The cocoon is the comfort zone of the caterpillar.  Just imagine if the caterpillar never emerged from this state of change?  We would never have the beautiful butterfly.  Yes, change can be frightening.  Getting moved out of our comfort zone is unsettling. We feel safe and secure when ‘wrapped’ in the zone.  But, you will never know what is possible or what you are capable of unless you leave the confines of what is comfortable and known.  How can you move forward unless you are willing to open new doors and try new things.  Indeed, you will never know what you are capable of doing; you may never reach your full potential unless you venture beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone.

The shift outside our comfort zone forces us to try new things. The shift outside our comfort zone gives us an opportunity to learn things about ourselves and to see ourselves in a different light.  The shift outside our comfort zone gives us our “wings.”  You can only fly once you are willing to give up the safety of your cocoon.  And, like the butterfly, you have the strength and hope to believe that in time, you will emerge from your cocoon, transformed. 

 LESSON #6: TRUST THE FUTURE. Today a caterpillar; tomorrow a butterfly. Don’t lose hope because you never know what tomorrow will bring. Embrace the opportunity to pursue your vision, your dream, your goal! Sonia Ricotti’s thoughts sum up this thought nicely, “Just trust that everything is unfolding in the way it is supposed to. Don’t resist. Surrender to what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. Great things are waiting for you around the corner.”

LESSON #7: UNFURL YOUR WINGS. Never underestimate that power that is, and has always been, within you. You need to be confident in yourself when dealing with change. The more confident you are, the more likely you are to deal positively with whatever change is facing you. And, the more confident you are, the stronger your sense of control and direction will be allowing you to approach anything change challenges you with.

You must believe in yourself.   When you believe in yourself, you are more willing to be pro-active, to take action which is really needed when dealing with change and transition. No matter what change is bringing to you, if you move forth confidently keeping your dreams, your goals, and what you want front and center, you will invariably be successful. You can rise above any challenge change throws your way if you remember to remain confident in yourself! 

LESSON #8: DARE TO GET OFF THE GROUND. “Just when the caterpillar thought, ‘I am incapable of moving,’ it became a butterfly.” (Annette Thomas) When change and transition alter the course of your journey and a new route must be tried, there is a certain amount of risk involved when traveling down the unknown route. Instead of curling up in the safety of your comfort zone, be bold and step up the challenge. Remember, life begins at the end of your comfort zone.   T.S. Eliot said, “Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”

We have all heard the proverb, “Nothing ventured; nothing gained.” In times of change and transition, if we want to ‘gain,’ to make progress in the new environment or situation, we must ‘venture.’ With that venture, we will sometimes have to take risks to move forth; to make progress. So, don’t regret the chance you didn’t take. Make things happen for you.   Be brave. Take that first step. You may be surprised what you learn about yourself.

LESSON #9: RIDE THE BREEZES AND SAVOR THE FLOWERS. Butterflies seem to dance as they flutter along the breezes and among the flowers. Their “dance on the breeze” can be a reminder to us to approach things with joy; with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the fuel that sustains you when dealing with change. It is the fire that lights you up and keeps you moving forward in the face of difficulties. It lifts you up (just as the breezes lift a butterfly) when the situation looks dark, and it energizes you when you are tired. Being enthusiastic about what you are doing will increase your experience in a really good way.  It increases your vitality.  You will go about your life with energy and you’ll feel good about what you are doing, no matter what it is.

When we are enthusiastic, we are: more positive; more optimistic; less stressed; more excited about life. If we can maintain excitement and enthusiasm, we are able to better deal with whatever issue the change may be presenting. As Norman Vincent Peale said, “Enthusiasm releases the drive to carry you over obstacles and adds significance to all you do.”   Enthusiasm is the fire that lights you up and keeps you moving forward in the face of difficulties. It lifts you up when the situation looks dark, and it energizes you when you are tired.

LESSON #10: PUT ON YOUR BRIGHTEST COLORS. “Butterflies bring color and joy with them.” (Trish Phillips) After a change, don’t hide yourself. Announce to the world that you are here and you are ready to face whatever the change has brought/is bringing. The brighter the colors on a butterfly, the more noticeable it is. Be the same.

Wearing your brightest colors might release your inner child – the part of us that takes us back to a time when: we were free spirits; our imaginations would run wild; we were creative beyond reason; our days were filled with laugher, fun, joy, and play; we were wildly happy about anything and everything; when cardboard boxes became houses, cars, airplanes or caves; curiosity drove a lot of what we did; we weren’t afraid to take a risk or make a mistake; we bounced back from any type of daily disruption; we lived in the moment.

Our inner child exudes unbridled joy, boundless energy, a free-spirited nature, a wild imagination, creativity, happiness, enthusiasm, resilience, stamina, laughter, fun, curiosity, a sense of wonder. Aren’t these characteristics that we want working for us as we deal with change? Leo F. Buscaglia wrote, “I am often accused of being childish.  I prefer to interpret that as child-like.  I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things.  I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish.  I still listen to instinctual urges.  I play with leaves.  I skip down the street and run against the wind.  I never water my garden without soaking myself.  It has been after such times of joy that I have achieved my greatest creativity and produced my best work.” 

If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies. And so it is with us. If nothing ever changed with us, we’d remain “caterpillars” all our lives. This is not how life is meant to be lived. Change is inevitable, so just like the beautiful butterfly, let’s channel that change for the better.   We need to continually grow and evolve. Just as the butterfly goes through a metamorphosis, so must we. Simona Rich writes, “Imagine the grand metamorphosis of the butterfly. Let’s relate the stages of this experience to the various aspects of our lives: first the tiny egg of potential, then the tireless caterpillar working toward that potential, then the chrysalis allowing that potential to take shape, and finally the butterfly who realizes that potential and takes flight.”

The butterfly is a wonderful symbol for change, transition, adaptation, and metamorphosis. When you see one, may it remind you of these 10 lessons on change that we can learn from this magnificent creature.

My friend, Nancy’s, butterfly rock garden. A permanent reminder of lessons on change this magnificent insect gives to us.

CONNECTING WITH YOUR INNER CHILD CAN HELP IN TIMES OF CHANGE

 

Enthusiasm was our topic last week, and I asked you to go for the gusto and approach everything enthusiastically! Did you do that? If so, did you notice any difference in how the week went for you? I hope so. I hope that you made the powerful energy of enthusiasm work for you!   Last week, I also shared with you that young children are my role models for the strategy of enthusiasm. Most children have an unbridled enthusiasm for all they do; they are naturally enthusiastic and happy about everything. This week, I want to focus on our inner child and how tapping into our inner child can be a useful strategy to help us stay sane and positive amid change.

What is our inner child? Our inner child is the part of us that takes us back to a time when: we were free spirits; our imaginations would run wild; we were creative beyond reason; our days were filled with laugher, fun, joy, and play; we were wildly happy about anything and everything; when cardboard boxes became houses, cars, airplanes or caves; curiosity drove a lot of what we did; we weren’t afraid to take a risk or make a mistake; we bounced back from any type of daily disruption; we lived in the moment.

This strategy of inner child relates to approaching situations and dealing with change as young children do – with resilience, joy, happiness, creativity, and enthusiasm. Again, think about what change does to us, especially a change we would label as major or seismic. We begin to question ourselves. Sometimes our confidence erodes. Our comfort zone shifts or disappears. Fear, anger, doubt, frustration – any number of emotions and feelings – may overcome us. The enthusiastic, happy, creative nature of our inner child can be a huge help in overcoming any paralyzing effects of change. In general, as we age we tend to lose some of our natural enthusiasm and happiness about things. This strategy reminds us that it is important to maintain (or recapture if lost) this inner child view of things.

Picasso said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”  Children are naturally enthusiastic and naturally happy; they are learning. Once we stop learning, we tend to become less enthusiastic about things/life. Or, once boundaries are placed on learning (like right/wrong/grades), we become less enthusiastic about learning and more concerned about getting it right or making the grade (hence the “artist” in each of us is “dashed”).

We sometimes need to look beyond the right/wrong answers or the grade. Look for opportunities to say, ‘Count me in,’ and ‘Hey, I’ll play!’  Look for a chance to make a fool of yourself.  Don’t be afraid to lose face and fail at something.  Don’t reject the idea of coming across as a human being.  Jump in.  Play.  Fall down.  Get up.  Play harder.  Come home sweaty and dirty.   Take a bath.  And sleep.

Don’t let age hamper your happiness. The world is as exciting today as it was when we were children. The trouble lies in the fact that we tend to lose “children’s eyes” and because of it, our enthusiasm for life. Connecting with our inner child is about finding that joy and the fun in the simple things. How do we do this? How do we connect with or release our inner child?

1 OBSERVE CHILDREN. Watch how children play and interact. What questions do they ask? How do they process information? If they are given a make believe box, what do they do with the items in it? If given boxes and sheets, what do they create?

2 ADOPT A CHILD’S SENSE OF CUROSITY AND DISCOVERY. Ask what if, why, and why not questions. Seek to learn want to know more about things. Look at things as a child would; explore things with a “beginner’s” mind. Create with Legos and Tinker Toys.

3 FIND YOUR FUN ZONE. What is it that makes you lighten up or laugh? If your children are young, engage in their fun time. If you have grandchildren, play with them. Be imaginative with them – be a pirate or a knight or a surfer or an animal – using things around the house (not store bought stuff). Blow bubbles. Play with play doh. Draw something with sidewalk chalk. Laugh out loud. Watch a funny movie. Seek thrills at an amusement park. Redefine the role of fun/play in your life. Set up “play time” for yourself.

4 “COLOR OUTSIDE THE LINES.” Don’t let expectations constrain you. Dare to be like a child and go outside the lines. Walk on the wild side. (Create your own reality like Harold did in the children’s book Harold and the Purple Crayon.) Let your imagination run wild and free.

5 TRY LIVING IN THE MOMENT. Be present now. Let the past go for a moment and don’t think about the future for a moment. Get into what is happening here and now.

6 GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO MAKE MISTAKES. Young children don’t fear making a mistake. When they do, they learn from it. The figure out what they did wrong and work to right it.

7 ENJOY AND RELISH THE SMALL THINGS IN LIFE. Talk a walk and take in the sights and sounds around you. Watch the clouds. Moon gaze. Star gaze. Watch the sunrise. Watch the sunset.

8 GIVE YOURSELF A CHILD’S PARTY. Invite your friends to an “inner child” party. Play children’s games (musical chairs, pin the tail on the donkey, etc.)

Our inner child exudes unbridled joy, boundless energy, a free-spirited nature, a wild imagination, creativity, happiness, enthusiasm, resilience, stamina, laughter, fun, curiosity, a sense of wonder. Aren’t these characteristics that we want working for us as we deal with change? Leo F. Buscaglia wrote, “I am often accused of being childish.  I prefer to interpret that as child-like.  I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things.  I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish.  I still listen to instinctual urges.  I play with leaves.  I skip down the street and run against the wind.  I never water my garden without soaking myself.  It has been after such times of joy that I have achieved my greatest creativity and produced my best work.” Buscaglia’s advice is perfect to help us deal with the changes in our life. Perhaps we can achieve our greatest creativity and produce our finest work (as we deal with change) after releasing our inner child. Tag, you’re it!