FINDING OURSELVES IN THE WILDERNESS ZONE OF CHANGE

Motivational speaker and author Matthew Kelly has a new book due out soon and he has been sharing excerpts from the book, Life is Messy.  A recent one got me to thinking about the “zones” of change:  the ending, the neutral zone (which I call the wilderness), and the new beginning. 

All change begins with something ending.  The ending is followed by one roaming the neutral zone/the wilderness, a zone we must go through before starting our new beginning.   Kelly has said, “It’s a mistake to focus on the negative.  It’s a mistake sometimes to think the bad stuff is all bad.  It is often in the middle of nowhere, lost and confused, when nothing makes sense, that we find ourselves and come to know ourselves in new and brilliant ways.”

His last sentence “It is often in the middle of nowhere, lost and confused, when nothing makes sense, that we find ourselves and come to know ourselves in new and brilliant ways” perfectly describes the neutral zone/the wilderness of change.

The wilderness is a place where the old and the new overlap. I liken this wilderness to what the early pioneers felt when they ventured beyond their “comfort zone.” For them, there was a lot of confusion with new sights, sounds, and experiences.  The rules they followed in their former place no longer applied, yet new rules for this new territory, this “wilderness,” had not yet been established.  The further they got on their journey, they could no longer see where they came from and they couldn’t see exactly where they were going.  At times there was probably a sense of feeling lost and at other times these pioneers had to gain a new sense of direction.  There had to be much fear of the unknown in the new, the changed environment.

After ending something and letting go, we have probably entered the wilderness if we:

• are excited and overwhelmed by the possibilities after ending something or letting go;
• have a feeling of being lost and scared of making a wrong decision or choosing the wrong path;
• have a strong desire to try something different;
• feel confused;
• are worried or concerned about the future;
• sense that the change is a good one, but we just don’t know how we are going to make it work; and,
• question ourselves (Who am I?, What purpose do I now serve?), what happened, and the next steps (What comes next? What is my new reality?).

Why, if this neutral zone, this wilderness, is so “wild” and further engenders confusion and fear is it important when dealing with change?  It is because out of the confusion and fear, new ideas, new discoveries, reorientations, and creativity take center stage and help us toward something we might be able to accept, something that might make our life better.  It is because in this zone of change we find ourselves.

Some “travel” tips while roaming the wilderness include:

• Be observant.  Watch for “footprints in the snow” or those signs of how things are evolving.  Capitalize on the moments of creativity.
• Set short-term goals.  Where do things need to be in a day?  A week?  At the end of the month?  What should things look like in a day, week, or month? 
• Reward and reinforce.  After trying something, whether it is a success or a failure, give the thumbs up or words of encouragement.  Treating oneself or others to something is a nice acknowledgement of the efforts.  Giving out something that is symbolic of whatever was tried provides a reward as well as a visual reminder of the effort.
• Talk, talk, and talk some more.  Talk about feelings, fears, frustrations, anxieties, and ideas.
• Experiment with the ideas that come to the surface.  Use trial and error in deciding what to do, what direction in which to go, who to see.
• Be patient.   Give others and oneself time to work through the thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. Periodically step back and evaluate all that has been going on while roaming the wilderness.

There is no doubt that the wilderness is a scary place; it is often uncomfortable in the wilderness.  When in the wilderness, we have given up something with which we were once very comfortable, but we have not yet become comfortable with the “new place.” If we get scared enough, we may be tempted to fall back on the former, the old; we may try to slip back into our comfort zone. This is all normal and natural.  In fact, time in the wilderness is not linear.  It is more like start, stop, loop back, move forward, step back, surge forward.   Time in the wilderness is more spiral – or cork screw-shaped than linear or one dimensional.  But, time in the wilderness is well spent and when the journey is finished, we will be ready to move on and make a successful new beginning.  We will “…find ourselves and come to know ourselves in new and brilliant ways.”

PARALLELS WITH THE TRANSITIONS OF CHANGE AND THE VELVETEEN RABBIT: PART 2

 

In last week’s post, we began to explore the parallels with our transitions of change and those of the Velveteen Rabbit. We looked at the first stage of transition which is ending something and we were in the middle of exploring the second stage of transition, that of roaming the wilderness (or the neutral zone). This week, we will continue with our exploration of time in the wilderness and then examine the third stage of transition, new beginnings.

Last week, we discussed how the wilderness is a place where the old and the new overlap; it is a place outside our comfort zones. Just like the Rabbit, we may become excited or overwhelmed by the possibilities we see. (The Rabbit was excited when he was taken out of the closet and got to spend a lot of time with the Boy.)

We may experience confusion. (The Rabbit was confused when he was out in the woods and wild rabbits approached him to play. When the Rabbit isn’t able to play, hop, or dance one of the wild rabbits says, “He doesn’t smell right! He isn’t a rabbit at all! He isn’t real!”)

We may experience fear. (After the Boy recovered from his bout with scarlet fever, “The room was to be disinfected, and all the books and toys that the Boy had played with in bed must be burnt.” When the doctor is shown the Rabbit he says, “That? Why, it’s a mass of scarlet fever germs!—Burn it at once. What? Nonsense! Get him a new one. He mustn’t have that any more!”)

It is out of the excitement, the sense of being overwhelmed, the confusion, and the fear that new ideas, that new discoveries, reorientations and creativity take center stage and help propel us toward something we might be able to accept, something that makes sense out of the change, something that will put us on the path to our becoming “real” within our new reality.

There is no doubt that the wilderness is a scary place; it is often uncomfortable in the wilderness.  When in the wilderness, you have given up something with which you were once very comfortable, but you have not yet become comfortable with the “new place.” (The Rabbit had been placed in a sack with other toys that were to be burned. While there, he reminisced about the happy times with the Boy and “a great sadness came over him.” In pondering his fate, the Rabbit shed a real tear.)

If you get scared enough, you may be tempted to fall back on the former, the old; you may try to slip back into your comfort zone. This is all normal and natural. In fact, time in the wilderness is not linear. It is more like start, stop, loop back, move forward, step back, surge forward.   Time in the wilderness is more spiral or cork screw-shaped than linear or one dimensional. But, time in the wilderness is well spent and when the journey is finished, you will be ready to move on and make a successful new beginning.

In dealing with change and transition, it is through the vision or the new beginning that everything comes together. The old or former merges with the ideas from the wilderness or the neutral zone and becomes transformed into a new identity, understanding, value, or attitude.  After negotiating the neutral zone/wilderness, we do need direction so that we can be successful in our new beginning. Vision provides this direction. Vision is the image of what we want the future to look like. The vision provides purpose and meaning and in doing so, gives hope, enthusiasm, importance, and inspiration to what we want to accomplish or what we want to be.

When the Velveteen Rabbit was pondering his fate and shed that tear, “…a strange thing happened. For where the tear had fallen a flower grew out of the ground, a mysterious flower, not at all like any that grew in the garden. It had slender green leaves the colour of emeralds, and in the centre of the leaves a blossom like a golden cup. …And presently the blossom opened, and out of it there stepped a fairy.” The fairy turned out to be the nursery magic Fairy and it was she that completed the transformation of the Velveteen Rabbit from a toy into a real rabbit.

The Velveteen Rabbit had had a vision of becoming real. As the Skin Horse told him, that didn’t happen overnight; it took time. It took a Boy loving him unconditionally and it took experiences in the toy cupboard, a near brush with death, and the intervention of a magic Fairy before the Rabbit was able to realize his dream; achieve his vision.

And, so it is with us. When change moves us out of our comfort zone and we struggle with where we are going, it is important to have a dream, a vision of what we think we want. While roaming the wilderness or the neutral zone, we need to allow ourselves to experience much, to talk to wise and sensible people, to seek the magic in things and people. Given time, we will emerge from the wilderness, ready to move in the direction of our vision, our goal, our dream.

Next week, we will focus on “getting REAL with change” looking at specific strategies to deal with endings, the wilderness, and new beginnings.

HOW ROAMING THE “WILDERNESS” HELPS ONE THROUGH TRANSITIONS AND COME TO TERMS WITH CHANGE

The past two weeks, we’ve been discussing how all change begins with something ending and the importance of letting go when something ends. This week, I want to focus on the period of time (something I call the wilderness and what William Bridges calls the “neutral zone”) that usually follows the ending of something; the letting go.

The wilderness is a place where the old and the new overlap. I liken this wilderness to what the early pioneers felt when they ventured beyond their “comfort zone.” For them, there was a lot of confusion with new sights, sounds, and experiences. The rules they followed in their former place no longer applied, yet new rules for this new territory, this “wilderness,” had not yet been established. The further they got on their journey, they could no longer see where they came from and they couldn’t see exactly where they were going. At times there was probably a sense of feeling lost and at other times these pioneers had to gain a new sense of direction. There had to be much fear of the unknown in the new, the changed environment.

                        

LEAVING THE COMFORT ZONE                AND                          HEADING INTO THE “WILDNERNESS”

After ending something and letting go, how can you tell if you are in the wilderness? If you are excited and overwhelmed by the possibilities after ending something or letting go, you have probably “crossed over” into the wilderness. Others ways to tell include a feeling of being lost and scared of making a wrong decision or choosing the wrong path; a strong desire to try something different; a constant worry or concern about the future; and/or, the sense that the change is a good one, but you just don’t know you are going to make it work.

Why, if this neutral zone is so “wild” and further engenders confusion and fear is it important when dealing with change? It is because out of the confusion and fear, new ideas, new discoveries, reorientations, and creativity take center stage and help propel those undergoing the change toward something they might be able to accept, something that might make their life better.

In past writings, I shared that in my professional career, I had to end being a classroom teacher to reach my goal of becoming an administrator. I had already moved from being a middle school and high school classroom teacher to teaching at the community college level. In that change, I did let go of the familiar with the age and level of students, but that change was not as dramatic as moving into the realm of administration. While I had an idea of what college administrators did, I really didn’t know what my administrative role would look or feel like.

After accepting my first college administrative position, I did roam the wilderness. I was still in the educational arena, but it was so different. No bell schedule. No students at their seats. No lesson planning. No trying to decide the best active learning strategy for the class. Meetings, budgets, motivating staff, dealing with human resource issues – yikes! Talk about being frightened, confused, and scared. I tried a lot of things. Some of them were quite successful, others not so much. Many times I thought I was definitely on the right track to a break- through of sorts, only to have everything fall flat. And, yet, through it all, I learned how to translate the success I had in the classroom into how to become an effective administrator. Roaming the wilderness, navigating the neutral zone, definitely helped me find myself in the administrative role and become a better and more effective person in that role.

How can one “roam the wilderness” safely?   How does one develop this skill?

1. Experiment with the ideas that come to the surface. Use trial and error in deciding what to do, what direction in which to go, who to see.
2. Reward and reinforce. After trying something, whether it is a success or a failure, give the thumbs up or words of encouragement. Treating oneself or others to something is a nice acknowledgement of the efforts. Giving out something that is symbolic of whatever was tried provides a reward as well as a visual reminder of the effort.
3. Be patient.   Give others and oneself time to work through the thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. Periodically step back and evaluate all that has been going on while roaming the wilderness.
4. Talk, talk, and talk some more. Talk about feelings, fears, frustrations, anxieties, and ideas.
5. Be observant. Watch for “footprints in the snow” or those signs of how things are evolving. Capitalize on the moments of creativity.
6. Set short-term goals. Where do things need to be in a day? A week? At the end of the month? What should things look like in a day, week, or month?

There is no doubt that the wilderness is a scary place; it is often uncomfortable in the wilderness. When in the wilderness, you have given up something with which you were once very comfortable, but you have not yet become comfortable with the “new place.” If you get scared enough, you may be tempted to fall back on the former, the old; you may try to slip back into your comfort zone. This is all normal and natural. In fact, time in the wilderness is not linear. It is more like start, stop, loop back, move forward, step back, surge forward.   Time in the wilderness is more spiral- or cork screw-shaped than linear or one dimensional. But, time in the wilderness is well spent and when the journey is finished, you will be ready to move on and make a successful new beginning.

For more information, check out:

Bridges, William. Managing transitions: making the most of change. Reading, MA.: Addison-Wesley, 1991.

Bridges, William. Transitions: making sense of life’s changes. Cambridge, MA.: Da Capo Press, 2004.

Johnen, Becky. Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows: Strategies to Stay Sane and Positive amid Change. Bloomington, IN: Inspiring Voices, 2013.