PARALLELS WITH THE TRANSITIONS OF CHANGE AND THE VELVETEEN RABBIT: PART 2

 

In last week’s post, we began to explore the parallels with our transitions of change and those of the Velveteen Rabbit. We looked at the first stage of transition which is ending something and we were in the middle of exploring the second stage of transition, that of roaming the wilderness (or the neutral zone). This week, we will continue with our exploration of time in the wilderness and then examine the third stage of transition, new beginnings.

Last week, we discussed how the wilderness is a place where the old and the new overlap; it is a place outside our comfort zones. Just like the Rabbit, we may become excited or overwhelmed by the possibilities we see. (The Rabbit was excited when he was taken out of the closet and got to spend a lot of time with the Boy.)

We may experience confusion. (The Rabbit was confused when he was out in the woods and wild rabbits approached him to play. When the Rabbit isn’t able to play, hop, or dance one of the wild rabbits says, “He doesn’t smell right! He isn’t a rabbit at all! He isn’t real!”)

We may experience fear. (After the Boy recovered from his bout with scarlet fever, “The room was to be disinfected, and all the books and toys that the Boy had played with in bed must be burnt.” When the doctor is shown the Rabbit he says, “That? Why, it’s a mass of scarlet fever germs!—Burn it at once. What? Nonsense! Get him a new one. He mustn’t have that any more!”)

It is out of the excitement, the sense of being overwhelmed, the confusion, and the fear that new ideas, that new discoveries, reorientations and creativity take center stage and help propel us toward something we might be able to accept, something that makes sense out of the change, something that will put us on the path to our becoming “real” within our new reality.

There is no doubt that the wilderness is a scary place; it is often uncomfortable in the wilderness.  When in the wilderness, you have given up something with which you were once very comfortable, but you have not yet become comfortable with the “new place.” (The Rabbit had been placed in a sack with other toys that were to be burned. While there, he reminisced about the happy times with the Boy and “a great sadness came over him.” In pondering his fate, the Rabbit shed a real tear.)

If you get scared enough, you may be tempted to fall back on the former, the old; you may try to slip back into your comfort zone. This is all normal and natural. In fact, time in the wilderness is not linear. It is more like start, stop, loop back, move forward, step back, surge forward.   Time in the wilderness is more spiral or cork screw-shaped than linear or one dimensional. But, time in the wilderness is well spent and when the journey is finished, you will be ready to move on and make a successful new beginning.

In dealing with change and transition, it is through the vision or the new beginning that everything comes together. The old or former merges with the ideas from the wilderness or the neutral zone and becomes transformed into a new identity, understanding, value, or attitude.  After negotiating the neutral zone/wilderness, we do need direction so that we can be successful in our new beginning. Vision provides this direction. Vision is the image of what we want the future to look like. The vision provides purpose and meaning and in doing so, gives hope, enthusiasm, importance, and inspiration to what we want to accomplish or what we want to be.

When the Velveteen Rabbit was pondering his fate and shed that tear, “…a strange thing happened. For where the tear had fallen a flower grew out of the ground, a mysterious flower, not at all like any that grew in the garden. It had slender green leaves the colour of emeralds, and in the centre of the leaves a blossom like a golden cup. …And presently the blossom opened, and out of it there stepped a fairy.” The fairy turned out to be the nursery magic Fairy and it was she that completed the transformation of the Velveteen Rabbit from a toy into a real rabbit.

The Velveteen Rabbit had had a vision of becoming real. As the Skin Horse told him, that didn’t happen overnight; it took time. It took a Boy loving him unconditionally and it took experiences in the toy cupboard, a near brush with death, and the intervention of a magic Fairy before the Rabbit was able to realize his dream; achieve his vision.

And, so it is with us. When change moves us out of our comfort zone and we struggle with where we are going, it is important to have a dream, a vision of what we think we want. While roaming the wilderness or the neutral zone, we need to allow ourselves to experience much, to talk to wise and sensible people, to seek the magic in things and people. Given time, we will emerge from the wilderness, ready to move in the direction of our vision, our goal, our dream.

Next week, we will focus on “getting REAL with change” looking at specific strategies to deal with endings, the wilderness, and new beginnings.

PARALLELS WITH THE TRANSITIONS OF CHANGE AND THE VELVETEEN RABBIT: PART 1

Dusting my bookshelves last week, the book THE VELVETEEN RABBIT (a 1922 children’s story by Margery Williams) “jumped” off the shelf and landed on the floor. I picked the book up and promptly forgot about my dusting and began to reread the book. In rereading the book, I began to see many parallels between the transitions we experience on our journey of change with those of the Velveteen Rabbit and his journey of change; of becoming “real.”

William Bridges, a noted leader in the field of managing change, makes a distinction between change and transition. According to him, change is what happens to you; it is situational. Transition, however, is what you experience as you internalize and come to terms with the details of the new situation that comes with the change. There are three stages to all transitions: ending something, roaming the wilderness (or what William Bridges calls the “neutral zone”), and our vision (or what Bridges calls our “new beginning”). This week, let’s begin to explore these three stages using the Velveteen Rabbit’s journey as our model.

All change begins with an ending; with some sort of loss. “There was once a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid. He was fat and bunchy, as a rabbit should be; his coat was spotted brown and white, he had real thread whiskers, and his ears were lined with pink sateen. On Christmas morning, when he sat wedged in the top of the Boy’s stocking, with a spring of holly between his paws, the effect was charming.” The story goes on to say how the Boy played with the rabbit (“for at least two hours”) until relatives came and with new presents to open, the Velveteen Rabbit was forgotten and put away in the toy cupboard. For the Velveteen Rabbit, his role as a favorite toy ended. He experienced many losses – being held and revered; being loved and made to feel important and needed. He lost his comfort zone; the safety and security he felt when he was with the Boy.

We go through similar emotions when change enters our life. Our routines, life as we had been living it, become different. We enter into our own version of the toy cupboard where we may feel neglected, invisible, and lost. We may no longer feel as loved, as important, as needed. The loss of what was becomes very apparent. Our comfort zone gets rocked and the safety and security we felt is no longer the same.

As with the Velveteen Rabbit, time in the ‘cupboard’ becomes our wilderness, our neutral zone. The wilderness is a place where the old and the new overlap.  I liken this wilderness to what the early pioneers felt when they ventured beyond their “comfort zone.” For them, there was a lot of confusion with new sights, sounds, and experiences. The rules they followed in their former place no longer applied, yet new rules for this new territory, this “wilderness,” had not yet been established. The further they got on their journey, they could no longer see where they came from and they couldn’t see exactly where they were going. At times there was probably a sense of feeling lost and at other times these pioneers had to gain a new sense of direction. There had to be much fear of the unknown in the new, the changed environment.

In the toy cupboard, the Rabbit was made “to feel himself very insignificant and commonplace, and the only person who was kind to him at all was the Skin Horse.” It is to the Skin Horse that the Rabbit asks, “What is REAL?”  After change, it is common to look around the new “surroundings” and ask, as the Rabbit did, “What is real?” What is reality now?

Just as the Rabbit questioned himself in the toy cupboard (the wilderness), so do we when we begin to “roam the wilderness.” Who am I? What purpose do I now serve? What comes next? What is real? What is my new reality? All these questions are not uncommon when we spend time in the wilderness. We question ourselves. We question what happened. We question the next steps.

The Velveteen Rabbit had a “touchstone” in the toy cupboard – a friend – the Skin Horse. The Skin Horse was experienced and sensible, much like many of our friends and family. We all need “touchstones” – friends, family – to help us when we find ourselves roaming the wilderness.   If we seek out those that are experienced and sensible, they might provide us with sound advice and guidance just as the Skin Horse did for the Rabbit.

When the Rabbit asked the Skin Horse what was real, he wondered if being real was how one was made (“Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”). The Skin Horse replies, “Real isn’t how you are made. It’s a thing that happens to you.” The same is true for us when we seek to find what our new reality will be.   The new reality will be a thing that “happens” to us.

The Rabbit continues to question the Skin Horse about how one becomes real. Among other things, Skin Horse tells him, “It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time.” Indeed, it may take a long time for us to discover who we really are and what we are to do in our new reality. Time in the wilderness helps us explore options in the new reality.

While in the wilderness, we may become excited or overwhelmed by the options; by the new possibilities. We may experience confusion. We may experience fear. Check out next week’s post to find out how the Velveteen Rabbit dealt with his time roaming the wilderness and what his new beginning looked like.