THINKING IN UNCONVENTIONAL TERMS

I enjoy reading books by Clive Cussler. It doesn’t matter what series – Dirk Pitt, NUMA Files/Kurt Austin, Oregon Files, Isaac Bell, or Fargo Adventure – the lead characters in each are known for ingenuity and resourceful thinking. In fact, in Blue Gold by Cussler and Paul Kemprecos the following dialogue occurs: “Ingenious. How did you come up with that technique?” “It was simply a matter of thinking in unconventional terms.”

No matter how daunting the situation Cussler’s lead characters find themselves in, they in no way allow the situation, problem, or issue to get the best of them; they always come up with a resourceful solution to whatever they are facing. Because of their willingness to think outside of the box, they are never defeated by their problems.

While mulling these thoughts, the following quote kept coming to mind: “You don’t drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.” Edwin Lewis Cole provides us with this sage advice and it is a great reminder that it isn’t our problems that defeat us (falling in the water), but rather our inability to come up with an unconventional, unique, resourceful, divergent solution (just staying put in the water).

Isn’t this how we sometimes feel when we are facing or dealing with change? It isn’t the change itself that may get the better of us. It is our inability or our unwillingness to deal with whatever changed; to deal with the shift out of our comfort zone. It is when we stay rooted in the same spot that we run into trouble. When we stay focused on the situation at hand and feel there is nothing we can do about it and keep thinking that way, we are doomed because those thoughts become reality. (It’s the ol’ self-fulfilling prophecy.)

When change turns our world upside down, it is very important to try and “right side” our world by finding a way or ways to make it through the challenges the change presents us. We need to tap into our ingenious self so we can be inventive, creative, and divergent in coming up with a way, with a solution to move us “out of the water.”

Resourcefulness is about optimizing what we have to work with. It is not just about creating something new; it also applies to making old things work better or work to our advantage. So, what can we do to tap into our resourceful, our ingenious self?

Give yourself the “third degree.” Ask:

Is there another way to get what I want?

Is the desired result really the best result?

Who else has information that might help me?

What is something very similar to what I need that might also work?

Who is the expert in this area?

What is one more thing I can try?

Is there more than one way to look at or deal with the issue?

What would someone I admire do in this same situation?

Maintain an open mind. Being open minded about new possibilities is critical to implementing resourcefulness. Develop a curiosity about things. Expose yourself to new ideas and new experiences.

 

Question tradition and habits. Sometimes the way something is always done (habits, traditions, learned rules) can be a “block” to being ingenious or resourceful. Sometimes creativity requires us to go beyond the conventional.

“Don’t worry…be happy.” As Bobby McFerrin’s song says, “Don’t worry…be happy.” The more relaxed we are, the better we will be able to think creatively. We need to take the stress and pressure off of ourselves.

Don’t reinvent the wheel. Look for a solution that someone else has already created. Start there and tweak what is out there to fit your needs.

Make your network work for you. Build and maintain a network of people you can call on for questions and support.

Practice seeing things differently. A cloud is just a cloud is just a cloud. Not so. Really look at clouds. There are so many different shapes and figures.

Develop a creative uses for common things list. Take an object and think of all the potential uses for it: traditional, standard, absurd, silly.

Ask a young child for suggestions. Children are naturally unconventional thinkers. When trying to be innovative, a young child’s take on an issue (presented to them in a way they would understand) might provide a spark of creativity that provides just what is needed for the issue at hand.

Practice kaleidoscopic thinking. Take all the pieces for the situation (write out the pieces on index cards) and play with arranging them in different configurations.

Gain a fresh perspective. Visit someone or someplace to experience something different from the norm. This may provide new ideas or a way of taking the ‘kaleidoscopic piece’ of one’s life and helping with the rearrangement. Talk to someone who has a totally different point of view on the issue or situation. (Think of the story of the blind men and the elephant. Depending on what part of the elephant was touched, the perspective on what the elephant was like, differed. Look at the pieces of the situation in this manner to help gain other perspectives.)

Being ingenious, being resourceful will definitely help us avoid the “deer in the headlights” syndrome when change has us floundering “in the water.”  It will give us an edge in problem solving and in meeting challenges.  So, the next time change ‘knocks you in the water’ think in unconventional terms to help you ‘get out of the water’ and into a space in which you are comfortable and can work through any challenges the change presents you.

 

A CHANGE PREPAREDNESS CHECKLIST

 

 

A commercial for Chevrolet Equinox that ran in the fall of 2015 caught my attention and made me think, “That’s a good topic for a blog post.” In the commercial, a group of people are sitting around a table. One person rapidly tosses eggs at those around him. After one egg breaks, a woman says, “It’s an egg!” The person tossing the eggs replies, “It’s hard to prepare for something when you aren’t ready for it.”

Oh, my, yes! It is very hard to prepare for anything when one isn’t ready for it nor expecting it.  And so it is with some of the changes that sneak up on us when we aren’t ready and definitely not expecting them. How can one possibly prepare (make ready or become ready for something) for the unknown (unfamiliar, uncertain, undetermined)? Good question and one that I would like to explore in this week’s post.

Admittedly, there is no way to be completely prepared for things are totally different from what we currently know. But, there are some things you can put on your change preparedness checklist that may make it easier for you to handle the totally different, the unexpected, the unknown. (You probably have heard of the American Red Cross’s emergency preparedness checklists; the change preparedness checklist follows the same philosophy.)

Our change preparedness checklist should include:

❏ An open and positive mindset. Your mindset consists of beliefs and beliefs are thoughts that are repeated over and over for a period of time that determine how we respond to situations.   And the longer you think that something can or can’t happen, the more you believe that thought and the more you act accordingly. So, your mindset is very powerful. It can control you; it can hold you back from doing things and in times of change, it can definitely hold you back from accepting or dealing with the change and moving forward.

If negative thoughts (I could never do…, I don’t think I can do this…, I’m not as good as….) dominate your mindset, what action can you take to eliminate the negative? Can you try to focus on the positive? Is the negative a learned, an ingrained behavior? If so, you can unlearn it. Change the ‘I could never and the I don’t think’ to words of encouragement. Don’t feed the cycle of negativity. If your mindset is set on a specific goal (I want to make…, I want to be…), what action can you take to work toward that goal? What are the steps you can take to move in the direction of that goal? 

❏ Positive self-talk. You’ve heard the phrase, “You are what you eat.” The same applies to our thoughts. You are what you think. If you think negative, you will be negative. If you think you can’t, you won’t be able to. If you think you can, you will be able to. If you repeat positive thoughts, your mind will begin to focus on what you want rather than on what you do not want. If you feed your mind positive, it will weaken the negative.

❏ Names of those who are successful in coping with the unexpected. As George S. Patton said, “Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past have coped with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable.” Get inspired by them. Learn what they did to get through their situation; reflect on that when you are thrown into the unknown.

❏ Your vision. In order to deal with the unexpected, you need a firm foundation from which to step. Understanding what and where you want to go in life will provide your vision and spirit – your foundation.  Have a vision for what you want. Set goals to reach that vision. (These goals will also help shape your mindset.)

❏ Thought-provoking questions and their answers. “If a seismic (drastic) change happens, what do I need to do to move on?” “What do I need to do to resume living my life as meaningful as possible?” “What can be learned from potential changes?” “What are some blessons (blessings within lessons) that might come out of potential changes?”   (What other questions you would ask yourself?)

❏ Reaction control.   Remember, there is only one thing you can control in life and that is yourself. It is your reaction to events, to potential changes that makes the difference. If you can focus your energy on making the best of things in situations over which you have no control, you won’t waste energy fighting what has changed. And, if you can make the best of the situation, you will have greater control over that situation.

❏ Identify your sustainables. Even in the worst of the unimaginable, unknown, unpredictable, some things will remain the same. Identify those things that will still be there: touchstones (friends), hobbies, interests, etc.   If the unexpected happens, being able to resort to some of things that will stay the same will help you deal with the different.

❏ Sense of humor.    Your sense of humor is the ability to appreciate and express the humorous. Humor not only diffuses fear, it provides emotional balance and perspective. If you remember that you aren’t the only one undergoing changes and transitions, having a sense of humor about life’s difficulties can help you become closer to those dealing with the same or a similar situation. In a way, this helps bring a measure of “normalcy” to what you are experiencing. Whatever you may be dealing with may not seem so overwhelming or frightening. Humor is also a very effective coping mechanism and an easy stress management strategy, both of which will be helpful in preparing for the unexpected.

❏ Curiosity.   Curiosity is when you are eager to know or learn something; when you are inquisitive. Todd Kashdan, author of the book Curious?: Discover The Missing ingredient To A Fulfilling Life, states, “When we experience curiosity, we are willing to leave the familiar and routine and take risks, even if it makes us feel anxious and uncomfortable.” He further states, “Curious explorers are comfortable with the risks of taking on new challenges. Instead of trying desperately to explain and control our world, as a curious explorer we embrace uncertainty, and see our lives as an enjoyable quest to discover, learn and grow.” Your curiosity may be just what you need to help you move forward if/when the unexpected comes along.

❏ Courage. Courage is the mental or moral strength to face fear or danger or to persevere in the wake of adversity (and some may substitute change with adversity) with confidence and resolution.  When you are courageous, you are brave; you are not deterred by danger or pain. Having courage on your checklist may be just what it takes for you to face the new environment and to put things back in order after your world is rocked by the unexpected.

Indeed, there is no way to be completely prepared for the totally different, the unexpected, the unknown. But the 10 items on the change preparedness checklist certainly gives us a place to start. (What else would you add? Comment and give me your thoughts as to what you would add and why.) Don’t let change take you by surprise. Get your change preparedness checklist in order and stock your change preparedness kit!

CROSSROADS

In the book Revival, Stephen King’s character Jamie Morton says the following about his former pastor, Charles Jacob, upon seeing him after many years, “I think most people who have suffered great losses in their lives – great tragedies – come to a crossroads. Maybe not right then, but when the shock wears off. It may be months later; it may be years. They either expand as a result of their experience, or they contract.”

When you see or hear the word crossroads, what comes to mind? For most, I think we picture an intersection of two or more roads. If you are traveling without directions and come upon an intersection or a crossroads, you find yourself at a point where a decision, a choice must be made. 
Change often brings us to a crossroads in our lives. And, since our life’s journey doesn’t come with directions (nor GPS units), when we encounter the “crossroads of change” we must make some decisions. We stand at the crossroads and look right, left, forward, and backward. We ask ourselves, now what? Which way do I go? We know we must move in some direction, but which direction is the right one? Making it difficult to choose is the fear and confusion that creeps into the recesses of our mind, clouding our judgment. Let’s look at our options and which ones may, as Jamie Morton says, “expand” us (cause us to grow) and which ones may “contract” us (cause us to be diminished or shrink in some way). 
One option is to remain at the crossroads and not move in any direction. Some changes seem way too hard to deal with so we just give up; we quit; we just get “stuck at the crossroads” and remain there. While this may feel comfortable, it doesn’t accomplish anything and this is an option that may have you contract or becoming “diminished” in some way. Not doing anything and remaining at the crossroads is probably the worst thing we can do when we are dealing with change or transition. Saying rooted does nothing to help us navigate the “changing environment.” We have to keep moving and preferably, keep moving forward.

A second option is to go backwards or try to retreat back to a time or place before the change happened. While this is movement, it is not growth. Moving backwards will also cause us to contract and will probably limit us or reduce our capabilities in some way.

A third option is to move right or left. This is a middle of the road choice that has possibilities for either expansion or contraction.   Expansion will happen with any new experience that one has along this route. Contraction will happen when these routes closely parallel where one just came from and no challenge is encountered. If things look and feel like the”‘same ol’, same ol’,” and one responds as one always has, there will not be growth. This option, however, may be a safe one for anyone who is afraid to leave the comfort zone as there might just be enough of the old to create comfort while at the same time, gradual newness that may help spark growth. 
A fourth option is to move forward. Moving forward is moving ahead and moving on. One is sure to expand on a journey down this road as dealing with the unknowns and challenges will cause one to learn a lot and to grow. Moving forward does not mean that you will experience smooth sailing, but rather, it means that you will do whatever it takes to make the most out of your life in the changed environment and that you will deal appropriately with whatever roadblocks come your way. (Reflect on the Wizard of Oz. Think of what Dorothy and her friends faced in their quest. They are great examples of moving forward and negotiating roadblocks when dealing with change.) I encourage you to check out this blog’s June 30, 2014 post which dealt with 12 ways to help you move forward in times of change. Don’t Let Change Get You Stuck in the Mud has some great advice on handling decisions when at the crossroads. 
Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken, is a wonderful metaphor about being at a crossroads and having a decision to make. He writes:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I was sorry I could not travel both, And as a traveler, long I stood, and looked down one lane as far as I could.

Then I took the other, it was just as fair, and perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear. Though as for the passing there had worn them both about the same.

I shall be telling this with a sigh, Somewhere ages and ages hence, Two roads diverged in a wood, and I– I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference! 
Since change is constant, we will all come to many crossroads in our lifetime. And, indeed, each road we may travel on will present us with different endings. Should we take the road less traveled? Perhaps. My advice is to take the road that will have you moving forward; expanding; learning and growing. All roads at the crossroads will have you doing some soul searching, questioning, reflecting… All of this is actually positive and the answers you receive or the conclusions you come to will only help you decide which direction you will go: forward, backward, or sideways (right or left).

Last week, we explored how replacing the fear of the unknown with curiosity can help in times of change. We all need to adopt the philosophy of Walt Disney who said, “Around here we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things because we’re curious…and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” Don’t be afraid to go down a new path. Don’t be afraid to take the road less traveled when you come to the crossroads created by change. That new path may be just what you need to keep moving forward!

“REPLACE THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN WITH CURIOSITY”

The phrase “replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity” caught my eye and I thought ‘what a great idea!’ Here is yet another strategy for dealing with change. So, that got me to thinking ‘how would curiosity help deal with change?’

There are many experts who say that the fear of the unknown is the greatest challenge to accepting or dealing with change.  The majority of people who attend my workshops do list the fear of the unknown as the number one reason they have trouble dealing with change. In the spring, I was doing a series of posts as a follow up to some of the things people were telling me were frustrating or difficult for them to deal with when a change rocks their world. Post #61 from May 24, 2015 was on The “Twilight Zone” of Change and focused on the fear of the unknown. Replacing the fear of the unknown with curiosity was one of several strategies discussed in that post. 

But, I think this topic warrants a more in depth look as to how and why being curious may help with dealing with the fear of the unknown. Dale Carnegie said, “You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up you mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind.”  Mr. Carnegie is absolutely right; fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in the mind. However, the mind is a powerful thing (as we’ve discussed in previous posts) and it is sometimes difficult to rationally deal with something that gets planted in our mind, especially fears. 
The fear of the unknown or not knowing what is coming can be paralyzing.   We are creatures of habit and we feel safe with predictability, sureness, and the routine. Change is like opening a door and not having any idea of what is on the other side; we step into the unknown. We lose that comfortable routine, that comfort zone, and that is scary and frightening. And, all of this is what makes dealing with change so difficult. So, in this post, let’s explore what might happen if we do make our mind up to conquer our fear of the unknown especially by replacing that fear with curiosity.

Curiosity is when we are eager to know or learn something; when we are inquisitive. The website curiousmind.com says curious people tend to be:

• Open minded, objective, and optimistic yet balanced with doubt and skepticism; they resist leaping to assumptions and are better able to think for themselves.
• Persistent and resilient; more tolerant of ambiguity and uncertainty (less stressed).
• Adaptable.
• Intrinsically interested in people; they ask genuine questions, listen sincerely for understanding and, as a consequence, develop strong relationships.
• Actively seeking and exploring novel situations; excellent learners who are more likely to look for patterns, persist with challenges, and derive joy from learning for learning’s sake.
• Aware; alert; they notice details and opportunities; they have active minds and dispositions and seek to understand themselves.
• Creative and innovative; they embrace problems as puzzles to solve and have an entrepreneurial spirit.
• Inquisitive, engaged, and naturally adept at questioning; they focus on getting to the root cause of issues.
• Enthusiastic in taking up change, they take initiative to explore and understand their world.

Todd Kashdan, author of the book Curious?: Discover The Missing ingredient To A Fulfilling Life, states, “When we experience curiosity, we are willing to leave the familiar and routine and take risks, even if it makes us feel anxious and uncomfortable.” He further states, “Curious explorers are comfortable with the risks of taking on new challenges. Instead of trying desperately to explain and control our world, as a curious explorer we embrace uncertainty, and see our lives as an enjoyable quest to discover, learn and grow.” 
Indeed, curiosity may just be what is needed to overcome our fear of the unknown when dealing with change. If not innately curious, how does one develop this characteristic? Let’s look at a four ways to do so:

ASK QUESTIONS.   Sometimes one needs to get “below the surface” of things to gain a better understanding of what is going on. Who? What? Where? When? Why? How? How come? Think of young children and their unending questions as they are trying to get a grasp on something. Their questions open up new worlds for them.   Questioning allows us to see the possibilities that are out there. Albert Einstein said, “The important thing is not to stop questioning…Never lose a holy curiosity.” 
UNLEASH YOUR INNER CHILD. We talk about the inquisitive nature of young children. When they are trying to learn something, their questions are endless. We need to be the same way in dealing with the unknown of change. For children learning is F-U-N and so it should be us. When something is fun, we like to do more, dig deeper into it. We associate excitement with fun and if we can translate that into whatever is changing for us, we have a better chance of positively dealing with it. 
SHIFT THE MIND TO NEUTRAL. Sometimes we have to put our mind in neutral so we are open to new ideas, experiences, or things. Remember, it is our mind that keeps the fear of the unknown “in gear.” So, we need to shift to neutral and be open to looking at the situation with new eyes; to learning or relearning or unlearning something so we can deal with the changed situation. 
SUSPEND JUDGMENT. When we approach situations with preconceived ideas and opinions we often get an outcome that matches those ideas and opinions. Henry Ford said, “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.” When change happens, if we don’t think we can handle it then we won’t be able to handle it. But, if we suspend judgment and go in with an open mind, we are more likely to discover how things really are or can be and not how we think they are or should be. So, avoid labels, assumptions, and expectations and look for the unfamiliar within the familiar. Look beyond the obvious. Think like your favorite detective. 
“By replacing our fear of the unknown with curiosity we open ourselves up to an infinite stream of possibilities.” (Unknown)   Some of those possibilities are exploring, experimenting, opening new doors, taking risks, moving forward.   And, all of these are ways of positively dealing with change and overcoming challenges. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity.” We all have that gift within us and during times of change, we need to unwrap that gift and put it to use to help us deal with uncertainty, the unknown of change.

THE “TWILIGHT ZONE” OF CHANGE

Over the past three weeks, we’ve taken a look at some of the things people tell me are frustrating or difficult for them to deal with when a change rocks their world. We’ve looked at (1) losing the sense of control, (2) life outside our comfort zone, and (3) restoring equilibrium or balance in one’s life. Continuing with things workshop participants share are difficult for them when dealing with change, this week let’s explore the “unknown” or the “twilight zone” of change. As one person shared, “I believe that what is most difficult for me is the ‘letting go’ of the security of the known and the flight into the possible abyss of the unknown. There have been times in my life when I have tolerated misery far too long because of the fear of the ‘what ifs’ of the unknown.”

Who out there can relate to this person’s letting go of the “security of the known” for the journey into the unknown? I think most of us can relate to this. Why do we fear the unknown? Well the unknown is something with which we are not familiar. Things with which we are not familiar may threaten us and fear is an emotion that arises when we feel threatened by something. Sure makes sense to me.

No matter how excited we may be about the new opportunity each change may bring about, we likewise have moments of doubt, fear, and unease all caused by the move out of our comfort zone and not knowing what may happen. Certainly change brings about a lot of “not familiars” about which we may feel threatened. With the unknown, we don’t know what is coming. Change can be likened to opening a door and not having any idea of what is on the other side; we take a step into the unknown. We lose that comfortable routine, that comfort zone; the predictability, sureness, and the routine, all of which makes us feel safe and that is scary and frightening. All of this is what makes dealing with change so difficult and scary.

For me, when I open that door to the unknown, the theme music to The Twilight Zone plays in my head. Do you sometimes feel that way? But, know what? All of these feelings and thoughts are natural and normal no matter how major or minor the change is. What isn’t natural or normal, though, is letting our doubts and our fears take charge of us; of paralyzing us with inaction; of putting us in a holding pattern.  If you have ever flown, at some point you may have experienced your plane in a holding pattern where it circles and circles and circles. A holding pattern is an alternative when something interferes with the normal course of events. A holding pattern prevents the plane (or a person) from accomplishing its mission in a timely manner. A holding pattern creates frustration for those affected by it. Don’t let change or your fear of the unknown of it put you in a holding pattern.

There is no way that we can stop change from entering our lives. However, we can stop fearing change and the unknowns that it might bring. Let’s explore some ways we can better deal with the unknown and lessen our fear of it.

MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL TAKE THIS FEAR AND MAKE IT SMALL. Take some time to reflect on what is truly making you uncomfortable about the unknown. Be objective in your reflection. Sometimes in objectifying a fear it is easier to overcome it. Name your fear. Ask what is it that you truly fear about the unknown (e.g., being alone, failing, making a fool of yourself, being insecure, etc.) Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, experience and confidence by every experience where you really stop to look fear in the face.” Defining your fear will go a long way in helping you overcome it. 

REPLACE THE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN WITH CURIOSITY. Bring out your inner child and replace the fear with a sense of wonder; a sense of fascination. Be inquisitive. Explore the possibilities. Push the boundaries.

ASSESS THE RISK. What is the real risk factor in the unknown variable? Try to quantify the risk. For example, if there is less than a 1% chance of something awful happening to me then that might be worth it for me to take the leap of faith and step into the unknown. If there is an 80% chance of something going wrong, I might want to reconsider my options to deal with whatever I think I am facing in the unknown.

SMALLER MIGHT BE BETTER. Rather than trying to tackle something in the unknown all at once, break things down into smaller portions. This makes it easier to deal with things, focus our attention, and gain a sense of accomplishment and forward movement. LaRae Quy offers the following strategies behind taking small steps, “Asking small questions does not create fear. Expecting small answers breaks down resistance. Taking small actions guarantees progress. Solving small problems provides confidence. Recognizing small moments is the key to moving forward.” Looking at the issue in “small doses” may help you better understand the mystery in the unknown.

FOCUS ON TODAY. Take it one day at a time. Avoid thinking about how you are going to get through the days ahead. If you take things day by day, you may gain a little more strength and courage each day to tackle and deal with the unknown. Each day provides another day of learning and growing.

STEP INTO THE “WILDERNESS.” Between letting go of the unknown and starting a new beginning lays the “wilderness” or the neutral zone. This is a good place to face your fear for it is in the “wilderness” that you can engage in activities outside of your comfort zone. Only when you step outside the comfort zone will growth take place – growth in better identifying and dealing with your fear. Charles F. Glassman said, “Fear and anxiety many times indicate that we are moving in a positive direction, out of the safe confines of our comfort zone, and in the direction of our true purpose.”

CHANGE YOUR ROUTINE. The fear of the unknown is the dislike we feel to something that is different. Sometimes just slightly changing our daily routine helps us to realize we’re capable of dealing with what life may deal us. This in turn boosts our confidence which can help us deal with more major or seismic changes.

SEE THE OPPORTUNITY IN THE FEAR. Just as mistakes are nothing more than learning opportunities, so to can be the fear of the unknown. The fear is telling us that something needs attention. Perhaps we need to get to know the situation better. Instead of accepting things at face value, ask questions and seek information that may help in overcoming the specifics of the fear.

PROCEED WITH CAUTION. Earlier I said that fear is an emotion that arises when we feel threatened by something. Oftentimes, we use that emotion as an excuse to stop something. But fear is quite the opposite. It is an emotion that is telling us to proceed with caution; to be careful as we move forward. It reminds us that we are about to step out of our comfort zone. But, take that step cautiously; take it with awareness; and, take it with a sense of attention.

Someone said, “Life is a series of unknowns. If we knew the script going in, we might decide to never walk out on stage.” Each day is an unknown. While our day may be planned, we truly don’t know what is coming. And yet, we don’t usually let the unknowns of each day make us fearful. When major or seismic change occurs, and your fear of the unknown begins to take hold, switch your mindset to say: It is just a new day. I am not afraid of what new days usually bring. While this day has something different in it, I will not assume the worst. I will move through the day second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour and whatever happens, I will be able to deal with it. Worrying doesn’t solve anything. Worrying won’t change anything. All I can do each day is my best. If something comes my way, I won’t miss a beat but will keep on keeping on. Having ‘it’s just another or a new day’ mindset will place you on a course to positively and successfully negotiate the twilight zone of change.

LESSONS LEARNED OUTSIDE OF OUR COMFORT ZONES

Last week, we explored a topic that many from my workshops said was one of the most frustrating or difficult for them when dealing with change: the sense of the loss of control. This week, I want to explore the topic that came in second on the list: having to move outside the comfort zone.

My favorite definition of a comfort zone is one Brené Brown (who is a research professor at the University of Houston’s Graduate College of Social Work) offers, “Where our uncertainty, scarcity and vulnerability are minimized – where we believe we’ll have access to enough love, food, talent, time, admiration. Where we feel we have some control.” In other words, it is the “place” or “state of mind” where we feel at ease, in control; things come easily; things feel/seem familiar.

What is not to like about one’s comfort zone with that description? It is the environment (social, work, living) to which we’ve become accustomed. In it, we are less stressed. We know what to expect so we feel more stable, safe, and secure. But, life is full of change and whether by choice or by some unexpected occurrence, we may often find ourselves outside of our comfort zone.

For some, this is no problem. There are those who may be dissatisfied with their current conditions and want to make a change; they are looking for “life in another comfort zone.” Then, there are those who thrive on change, are quite adaptable, or are resilient and they may find life outside the comfort zone an adventure. For others, life outside the comfort zone is very scary and frightening; just thinking about it causes stress.

Yes, having to step outside of our comfort zone does generate the stress response and does raise our anxiety levels. And, if we stay in a state of stress or remain anxious, we may encounter a lot of negative physical, emotional, or psychological “side effects.”   HOWEVER, a small amount of stress may move us to “action mode” which may help us deal with whatever changed and may help us create something positive in the new comfort zone. Being outside our comfort zones may feel awkward, weird and well, uncomfortable, but that isn’t always bad. A lot of good can come from outside the comfort zone. Let’s take a look at some of the lessons learned outside of the comfort zone.

LEARNING AND GROWTH HAPPEN OUTSIDE THE COMFORT ZONE. Brian Tracy has said, “You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” The shift outside our comfort zone forces us to try new things. The shift outside our comfort zone gives us an opportunity to learn things about ourselves and to see ourselves in a different light. If you watch entertainment reality shows like American Idol or Dancing with the Stars, you see this in action every week. The judges are always telling someone to “step outside of your comfort zone; show America a different side of you.” The judges know that the contestants will have to overcome their fears and doubts to move outside of their comfort zones, but they also know that in doing so, the contestant will grow in so many ways.

ABANDONING THE COMFORT ZONE ALLOWS US TO UNCOVER WHAT IS POSSIBLE. Anthony Robbins said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” You will never know what is possible or what you are capable of unless you leave the confines of what is comfortable and known. How can you move forward unless you are willing to open new doors and try new things? Some say the ‘greatest enemy to human potential is your comfort zone.’ Indeed, you will never know what you are capable of doing; you may never reach your full potential unless you venture beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone. Grace Hopper said, “A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for. Sail out to sea and do new things.”

DREAMS AND GOALS BECOME REALITY OUTSIDE THE COMFORT ZONE. The only way our dreams and goals are attainable is if we become discontent with our current comfort zone and are willing to move beyond it to turn the dream or goal into reality. When you picture yourself living out your dream, you will find ways to make it happen. Often those ways take you well beyond the confines of your current comfort zone. I see this season after season especially with American Idol winners. Those who want to make it as a performing music artist will stretch themselves beyond the current to make themselves more marketable to America. Things they might never think about doing are tried and if successful, become part of this new artist they are creating. As Napoleon Hill said, “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” But, that achievement will only take place outside of one’s comfort zone.

THE SKY IS THE LIMIT. Our comfort zone sets a natural boundary around us. Within that boundary, life is predictable and relatively stress free. In our comfort zone, we survive. But, we thrive outside the comfort zone. When we thrive, we are able to make the most of every situation. We have the capability of reaching our true potential.

THE WORLD IS A DYNAMIC PLACE. Ensconced in our comfort zone, things get static; they stay the same (and that is what brings us the comfort). But, the status quo doesn’t always cut it. We can get lulled into a false sense of security in our comfort zone. Exciting stuff is happening around us and we do need to participate in it.

THE SCARY STUFF OUTSIDE THE COMFORT ZONE ISN’T REALLY ALL THAT SCARY. Tim Ferris said, “What we fear doing most, is usually what we most need to do.” What we fear outside the comfort zone is only there because the “survival portion” of our brain is trying to protect us. Create a list of those fears, of that scary stuff. Then ask, what is the worst thing that can happen?   Create a resolution list for each fear and its worst possible outcome. You will find that the scariness of the situation really isn’t so foreboding.

MISTAKES ARE LEARNING OPPORTUNITIES. Oftentimes, what is scary about life outside the comfort zone is the fear of failing and/or the fear of making mistakes.   Both mistakes and failures are prerequisites for success. Thomas Edison said, “I haven’t failed. I’ve found 10,000 ways that don’t work.”  Edison was inspired by his mistakes; they encouraged him to work harder to find solutions for his work. And, so it is with us outside the comfort zone. We need to be willing to make mistakes and then be willing to learn from them. The most successful people in the world are those that make decisions, make mistakes, learn from, adjust accordingly, and move on.

YOU BECOME OPEN TO POSSIBILITIES. Alan Alda said, “You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition.” The area right outside the comfort zone is the “wilderness” or the “neutral zone” of change and transition. It is in this area that you have an “openness to experience” where creativity, imagination, and curiosity take hold, blossom, and grow.

Our comfort zones are nice places, and there is nothing wrong being in our comfort zone unless being there holds us back from moving forth, as in times of change, or holds us back from just learning and growing. So, whether forced out of your comfort zone by circumstance or whether you just feel the need for something different, open that door, step through it, and discover a side of you that you didn’t know existed. You might be pleasantly surprised. Manoj Arora (From the Rat Race to Financial Freedom) offers, “Coming out of your comfort zone is tough in the beginning, chaotic in the middle, and awesome in the end…because in the end, it shows you a whole new world!!”  What awaits you in your new world?

USING CHILDLIKE WONDER AND AWE TO SEEK SOLUTIONS AND SOLVE PROBLEMS

Since the post last week, were you able to connect with your inner child? If so, did you feel more enthusiastic about things? Did you feel invigorated? Did you smile more? Did you seek solutions to issues with more creativity? If you did connect with your inner child, I hope you noticed a difference in how you approached things throughout the week.

This week, we continue our discussion on the inner child, but do so with a focus on childlike wonder. Childlike wonder is an attitude; it is a way of seeing the magic in simple things and finding the fun and joy in simple things. (Note, our inner child is the action side of this duo.) Childlike wonder allows us to:

+ have little or no fear of the unknown

+ venture out of our comfort zone

+be imaginative and creative

+have little or no fear of failure

+be a visionary

+take on challenges

+believe we can achieve whatever we conceive

+try new things

 

It is these qualities of childlike wonder that help us in times of change. Change can bring on an unknown. It can move us out of our comfort zone. We may be afraid to try a creative solution or try something new because we fear failure. Think how much easier it would be to deal with change and whatever it throws your way if you take a step back, take a deep breath, and look at what is facing you with “childlike wonder.” See something for the “first time.” Be fearless.   Think: so what if I make a mistake or fail. Think: what is the wildest thing I can think of to solve this issue or deal with this problem?

 

What we don’t know or can’t see in our changed environment often throws us for a loop. But, what if we allowed the part of our childlike wonder – the child’s ability to trust in what can’t be seen or what isn’t yet known – to take over and guide us in our approach to or in our decision making within the changed environment? This approach opens up endless possibilities for us. This approach allows us to be more creative, imaginative, innovative, divergent, or just plain different in how we deal with or solve whatever we’re facing in the changed environment. As Walt Streightiff says, “There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million.”

As a strategy to deal with change, using childlike wonder to seek solutions and solve problems is priceless. But, how do we go about recapturing or developing our childlike wonder?

1 Avoid placing conditions or limits on what we desire. Remain open at all times to receive the unexpected as well as what we think is coming. Start each day with an open mind about opportunities that may come your way. Be ready for the who, what, where, when, and why of each day. “Anticipate the day as if it was your birthday again and you are turning six again.” (Mike Dolan)

 

2 Don’t let facts get in the way of your imagination (Sam Levenson). Imagination is the ability of our minds to form pictures of something we have not seen or experienced or to think of new ways to use common things. It is the creative part of our minds. Our imagination allows us to look at things from a different point of view. With childlike wonder, our imagination reverts to a time when we might say, “So what if this doesn’t make sense; it works for the situation.” A perfect example of this technique is found in the story Harold and the Purple Crayon. Harold is a four-year old boy who uses his purple crayon to create a world of his own simply by drawing it. He wants to go for a walk in the moonlight, but there is no moon, so he draws one. He draws a path to walk on because none is there. Harold draws himself a landscape that is full of wonder and excitement; forget facts! This story is the perfect example of just how far you imagination can take you…if you forget the facts.

If change has rocked your world, get out your “purple crayon” and cover the world with imagination as Robert Fulghum says, “Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon.  A happiness weapon.  A beauty bomb.  And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one.  It would explode high in the air – explode softly – and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air.  Floating down to earth – boxes of Crayolas.  And we wouldn’t go cheap, either – not little boxes of eight.  Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in.  With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest.  And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination.”

3. Remain open to awe and wonder. Young children seem to find awe and wonder in the simplest and smallest of things. Think back to how you felt on some important firsts that you can remember. That is what I’m talking about here. Go back to a time when you were impressed by things. Avoid being cynical. Look for the extraordinary in the ordinary. Look at everything as if you were seeing it for the first time. Quiet the mind and allow yourself to see and sense what is around you. (Working with young children helps keep this alive in me.)

4 Be silly. Pull out the coloring book and crayons and maybe even color outside the lines. Blow bubbles. Create with play doh. Run through a puddle. Do something that makes you smile and laugh.

Albert Einstein in a letter to a friend later in his life said, “People like you and me never grow old. We never cease to stand like curious children before the great mystery into which we were born.”  Einstein never lost the intuition or awe of a child; he never lost his sense of wonder at things most adults find commonplace. We all need to be Einstein-like in our curiosity; with our sense of wonder and awe. Your challenge from me this week is to rediscover or reconnect with your inner child and to approach things with childlike wonder. See with the eyes of a child. Find wonder and awe, joy and happiness in the mundane, in everyday things. Don’t take anything for granted. If you can channel childlike wonder, you will find that you are more creative, imaginative, innovative, divergent, or just plain different in how you deal with or solve whatever you’re facing in the changed environment.

CONNECTING WITH YOUR INNER CHILD CAN HELP IN TIMES OF CHANGE

 

Enthusiasm was our topic last week, and I asked you to go for the gusto and approach everything enthusiastically! Did you do that? If so, did you notice any difference in how the week went for you? I hope so. I hope that you made the powerful energy of enthusiasm work for you!   Last week, I also shared with you that young children are my role models for the strategy of enthusiasm. Most children have an unbridled enthusiasm for all they do; they are naturally enthusiastic and happy about everything. This week, I want to focus on our inner child and how tapping into our inner child can be a useful strategy to help us stay sane and positive amid change.

What is our inner child? Our inner child is the part of us that takes us back to a time when: we were free spirits; our imaginations would run wild; we were creative beyond reason; our days were filled with laugher, fun, joy, and play; we were wildly happy about anything and everything; when cardboard boxes became houses, cars, airplanes or caves; curiosity drove a lot of what we did; we weren’t afraid to take a risk or make a mistake; we bounced back from any type of daily disruption; we lived in the moment.

This strategy of inner child relates to approaching situations and dealing with change as young children do – with resilience, joy, happiness, creativity, and enthusiasm. Again, think about what change does to us, especially a change we would label as major or seismic. We begin to question ourselves. Sometimes our confidence erodes. Our comfort zone shifts or disappears. Fear, anger, doubt, frustration – any number of emotions and feelings – may overcome us. The enthusiastic, happy, creative nature of our inner child can be a huge help in overcoming any paralyzing effects of change. In general, as we age we tend to lose some of our natural enthusiasm and happiness about things. This strategy reminds us that it is important to maintain (or recapture if lost) this inner child view of things.

Picasso said, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”  Children are naturally enthusiastic and naturally happy; they are learning. Once we stop learning, we tend to become less enthusiastic about things/life. Or, once boundaries are placed on learning (like right/wrong/grades), we become less enthusiastic about learning and more concerned about getting it right or making the grade (hence the “artist” in each of us is “dashed”).

We sometimes need to look beyond the right/wrong answers or the grade. Look for opportunities to say, ‘Count me in,’ and ‘Hey, I’ll play!’  Look for a chance to make a fool of yourself.  Don’t be afraid to lose face and fail at something.  Don’t reject the idea of coming across as a human being.  Jump in.  Play.  Fall down.  Get up.  Play harder.  Come home sweaty and dirty.   Take a bath.  And sleep.

Don’t let age hamper your happiness. The world is as exciting today as it was when we were children. The trouble lies in the fact that we tend to lose “children’s eyes” and because of it, our enthusiasm for life. Connecting with our inner child is about finding that joy and the fun in the simple things. How do we do this? How do we connect with or release our inner child?

1 OBSERVE CHILDREN. Watch how children play and interact. What questions do they ask? How do they process information? If they are given a make believe box, what do they do with the items in it? If given boxes and sheets, what do they create?

2 ADOPT A CHILD’S SENSE OF CUROSITY AND DISCOVERY. Ask what if, why, and why not questions. Seek to learn want to know more about things. Look at things as a child would; explore things with a “beginner’s” mind. Create with Legos and Tinker Toys.

3 FIND YOUR FUN ZONE. What is it that makes you lighten up or laugh? If your children are young, engage in their fun time. If you have grandchildren, play with them. Be imaginative with them – be a pirate or a knight or a surfer or an animal – using things around the house (not store bought stuff). Blow bubbles. Play with play doh. Draw something with sidewalk chalk. Laugh out loud. Watch a funny movie. Seek thrills at an amusement park. Redefine the role of fun/play in your life. Set up “play time” for yourself.

4 “COLOR OUTSIDE THE LINES.” Don’t let expectations constrain you. Dare to be like a child and go outside the lines. Walk on the wild side. (Create your own reality like Harold did in the children’s book Harold and the Purple Crayon.) Let your imagination run wild and free.

5 TRY LIVING IN THE MOMENT. Be present now. Let the past go for a moment and don’t think about the future for a moment. Get into what is happening here and now.

6 GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO MAKE MISTAKES. Young children don’t fear making a mistake. When they do, they learn from it. The figure out what they did wrong and work to right it.

7 ENJOY AND RELISH THE SMALL THINGS IN LIFE. Talk a walk and take in the sights and sounds around you. Watch the clouds. Moon gaze. Star gaze. Watch the sunrise. Watch the sunset.

8 GIVE YOURSELF A CHILD’S PARTY. Invite your friends to an “inner child” party. Play children’s games (musical chairs, pin the tail on the donkey, etc.)

Our inner child exudes unbridled joy, boundless energy, a free-spirited nature, a wild imagination, creativity, happiness, enthusiasm, resilience, stamina, laughter, fun, curiosity, a sense of wonder. Aren’t these characteristics that we want working for us as we deal with change? Leo F. Buscaglia wrote, “I am often accused of being childish.  I prefer to interpret that as child-like.  I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things.  I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish.  I still listen to instinctual urges.  I play with leaves.  I skip down the street and run against the wind.  I never water my garden without soaking myself.  It has been after such times of joy that I have achieved my greatest creativity and produced my best work.” Buscaglia’s advice is perfect to help us deal with the changes in our life. Perhaps we can achieve our greatest creativity and produce our finest work (as we deal with change) after releasing our inner child. Tag, you’re it!