NICE AND EASY DOES IT!

The past two weeks, we’ve explored change from the standpoint of making adaptations and transformations to negotiate the changed environment. This week, I want to focus on the approach or attitude of easy going as a useful change strategy.

Abraham Lincoln is credited with the following observation: most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook will be. In dealing with change, a choice that will help us be productive and effective in our ability to negotiate the change is to be easy going. This means we are: relaxed, happy, calm, not rigid, not demanding nor stressful. How nice it would be to have 365 days where our lifestyle has a sense of calmness and serenity 24/7. While an admirable goal, it is probably unrealistic to think we can have 365 days, 24/7 of peace and serenity, especially when change happens. Problems, frustrations, anxieties, fears, etc. all get in the way. However, if you tap into being more easy going, into taking time to relax, you can come close to having peaceful, calm, serene days or days where the majority of time/moments are peaceful, calm, or serene.

When you are relaxed, when you make it a priority to be easy going, you are content and have an inner peace; a feeling of satisfaction and happiness with what is going on in your life, even the changes. This is so important when dealing with change, especially unexpected change. When our world gets rocked to its core, when the shift out of our comfort zone is a gigantic one, our first reaction may be one of worry. How am I going to deal with this? I just can’t go on! Why did this happen? While normal, this type of reaction doesn’t help deal with the change. This type of reaction is good for raising your stress level and if that can be avoided, all the better for you.

A better reaction is to keep things in perspective and look for the positive in the change. This will help relax you and help you become more easy going. So, what can you do to live a more relaxed lifestyle day in and day out? How can you be more easy going?

Don’t worry, be happy. Follow the advice in Bobby McFerrin’s song, Don’t Worry, Be Happy. In life there are many things to get us down.   Going down with them makes it very hard to come back up. Instead of worrying about all the stresses in your life, deal with them. Don’t them let get to you.   Maintain a positive attitude. Unclutter your mind. Rid your mind of worries, fears, and guilt.

Focus on what is truly important. Make a list of all the things that are most meaningful, most important to you. Begin to let go of “stuff” in your life that doesn’t make the list; this is the “stuff” that interferes with you being easy going.

Be an historian. Historians study the past to learn from it. It should be the same with you. Avoid dwelling on things that happened in the past. If mistakes were made, learn from them. You will be able to be more relaxed, more easy going if you aren’t fearing making a mistake.

Get organized. The more clutter in your life, the more stressed and unrelaxed you will be. Declutter. Get rid of stuff you no longer use. Organize what is left. Adopt ‘everything in its place and a place for everything’ as your motto.

Avoid energy vampires and drama queens. If you want to be relaxed and easy going, you need to surround yourself with people who brighten your day. Those that are negative or those that make “mountains out of mole hills” will just drain you. The more positive energy around you, the more relaxed and easy going you’ll be. As Gandhi said, “Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”

Make every moment of every day count. Time is too important to waste. Streamline your life by finding efficient ways of doing things. Simplify your lifestyle if needed. Take stock of the number of things in which you are involved and the ‘rate of return’ on each. You might need to eliminate those whose ‘yield’ is low.  
Get your giggle going. There are many physical and mental health benefits as well as social benefits to laughing.   Among other things, laughter decreases loneliness, anger, and depression, all things that get in the way of being relaxed and easy going.   Laughter adds joy and zest to life, relieves stress, improves mood, and enhances resilience. All of these are factors in being more relaxed and easy going.

Take a break! Once in a while, you need to make time for you. When you start to feel stressed, take a short break and relax. Practice stress reduction and relaxation techniques. Meditate. Foster inner peace.

Adopt an attitude of gratitude. We often take the wonderful things in our life for granted. Focus on the good, the positive aspects of your life. Make a list. Focusing on the blessings in your life is a great way of helping you stay relaxed.

I started off by saying how nice it would be to have 365 days where our lifestyle has a sense of calmness and serenity 24/7. And, yes, while this is a challenge for all of us, we can move closer to it (especially when change is trying to steal our peace and serenity) if you work at being more easy going and relaxed. Richard Carlson, in the introduction to the book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff writes, “Whenever we’re dealing with bad news, a difficult person, or a disappointment of some kind, most of us get into certain habits, ways of reacting to life – particularly adversity – that don’t serve us very well. We overreact, blow things out of proportion, hold on too tightly, and focus on the negative aspects of life. When we are immobilized by little things…our (over-) reactions not only make us frustrated but actually get in the way of getting what we want.”   Begin to replace old habits of reaction with new habits of perspective. Implement the techniques introduced here and remember Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

ENTHUSIASM AS A FUEL TO SUSTAIN YOU WHEN DEALING WITH CHANGE

Our topic this week, ENTHUSIASM, is a nice follow-up to the past two weeks where we’ve focused on passion and vitality. Enthusiasm is a component of both of these, so let’s explore it in more depth and see how it is a strategy to help us deal with change.
I’ve written before that football is my sport. On August 22, I was able to watch my cousin, Adam, play for the Giants in their game against the Jets. They talk of the crowd, the fans, being the 12^th player for the team. Oh, so true! Think about a football game and how the momentum changes when the crowd gets into it big time. The enthusiasm transfers from the crowd to the players and something big happens. The same thing applies to you as an individual on a daily basis. You can be your own “cheerleading” squad!

The strategy of enthusiasm focuses on the need to remain positive and upbeat at all times. Again, think about what happens when we encounter change. Something is different; things may be chaotic; we are being moved away from our comfort zone. Whenever there is change, issues will arise and it is easy to give up and give in to the “issue.” If we can maintain excitement and enthusiasm, we are able to better deal with whatever issue the change may be presenting. As Norman Vincent Peale said, “Enthusiasm releases the drive to carry you over obstacles and adds significance to all you do.”

When dealing with change, enthusiasm can make the difference between success and failure. If we mope and fight the change, we may be doomed. If we cope and look for ways to co-exist with the change, we will thrive. Coping and co-existing with change may mean we need to be creative to do so, and enthusiasm can generate creativity which can lead to innovation which can lead to coming up with ways of effectively and positively dealing with change. Winston Churchill nailed it when he said, “Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.”

Enthusiasm is contagious and can spread from person to person quickly and easily. It is difficult to be around someone who is positive, upbeat, and has a zest for life without some of that same feeling catching hold to us. This is always a good thing when one is dealing with something that is stressful or chaotic or unpleasant. Enthusiasm is the fire that lights you up and keeps you moving forward in the face of difficulties. It lifts you up when the situation looks dark, and it energizes you when you are tired. That’s why Winston Churchill said that not losing enthusiasm is essential for success.

My role models for this strategy are young children at play. Watch them and their unbridled enthusiasm for all that they do. Young children are naturally enthusiastic and happy about everything. When serving as a head of a private school, I often observed classes. I noticed that pre-school and primary-level children were always enthusiastically willing to answer questions. It didn’t matter the question. All hands would shoot into the air and would be waving while their eyes (and sometimes their voices) would implore, “Pick me! Pick me!”

 

I noticed a dramatic difference with the older elementary children, beginning around age nine. Ask any question and a few hands would shoot up. Many children would look around to see what others were doing. Some hands tentatively were raised. The body language changed significantly. Many heads and eyes were lowered. Rarely would there be eager chants of, “Pick me.”
The difference here is that the younger children were so enthusiastic about learning (learning is still “play” to them) and so willing to share they didn’t care what anyone else thought nor did they care if they were right or wrong. Around age nine, being right or wrong is a huge issue. Saving face in front of peers is huge, hence the hesitation to respond. The enthusiasm for sharing is not the same.

It is critical that we never lose our ability to remain enthusiastic about life and what it may present to us.   We need to maintain this childlike level of exuberance and do so especially when dealing with change. The ability to remain positive and upbeat when the issues associated with change and transition move us out of our comfort zone is vital to us coming through the change or transition healthy, content, and in “one piece.”
What can we do to develop this skill, this strategy?

* Be positive and practice positive thinking. Look for the good and positive in everything. I have a philosophy that there is no such thing as a bad day. There may be bad moments in a day, but there can’t be 24 hours of bad. When faced with something one might consider bad, turn it around and look for the good or positive in it. Enthusiasm thrives in a positive environment. Surround yourself with enthusiastic people.

* Avoid “energy vampires.” Energy vampires are people who maintain a negative attitude about most everything in life, and they can suck the enthusiasm right out of other people. They are the doom and gloom people who never seem to be able to find the good or positive in anything. A positive outlook cannot be developed or maintained in the wake of negative thoughts. Negativity breeds negativity and can permeate all aspects of one’s being. Steer clear of the energy vampires while looking at the bright side of things. Being positive breeds being positive and will feed enthusiasm.

* Love who you are and what you do; maintain a passion for life. When talking to students thinking about their career choice, I would always advise them to select something about which they are passionate. I asked them to think about the number of Monday mornings or Friday afternoons they would be working. They are way too many not to absolutely love the work one does. The passion for and love of life and what we do in it only build enthusiasm.

* Adopt a “gratitude attitude.” Robert A. Emmons writes about developing a “gratitude attitude.” This is a strategy where we acknowledge that for which we are grateful or thankful. Doing this will often help with becoming more            excited about or enthusiastic about who we are, what we are doing, and what we are facing. When we are grateful for things, stuff by which we are overwhelmed (a lot of the stuff that may accompany change) isn’t able to take front and center stage. Being grateful helps put us in a positive emotional mindset and helps generate enthusiasm. Gratitude can energize us at the start of a day as well as relax us at the close of a day. Reflecting on the good things in our lives helps us maintain perspective and helps us deal with whatever rough patches change and transition may throw our way.

* Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. Nothing dampens enthusiasm quicker than worry, especially worrying about things over which we have no control. Let go of trying to ‘change the change’ and instead focus energy on dealing with the change: find solutions to the issues. You will know if you are moving in the right direction because you will be enthusiastic about where you are heading.

Enthusiasm is the fuel that sustains you when dealing with change. It is the fire that lights you up and keeps you moving forward in the face of difficulties. It lifts you up when the situation looks dark, and it energizes you when you are tired. Being enthusiastic about what you are doing will increase your experience in a really good way.  It increases your vitality.  You will go about your life with energy and you’ll feel good about what you are doing, no matter what it is.

When we are enthusiastic, time passes quickly. Our voice reflects our positive mood. We stress less about everything. We are open to try new things. All of these help us cope with change more positively and confidently. And, because enthusiasm is infectious, you will energize others around you who can help you deal with whatever the change has brought your way. So this week, go for the gusto and approach everything enthusiastically! Make this powerful energy work for you!