LOOKING BACK TO MOVE FORWARD

Happy 2015! Welcome to the New Year! Raise your hand if part of your transition to the change of the New Year was to reflect on 2014. My hand is up. I did spend time reviewing the highlights of the year as well as the challenges. One of the items in my reflection that was both a highlight and a challenge, and on which I am still reflecting, is my book Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows: Strategies to Stay Sane and Positive amid Change, and the blog (which came about as a result of the book).

In my blog reflection, I took a look at what was covered (primarily so I could get a handle on where I wanted to go with it in this New Year). Wow! We covered a lot in 40 posts:  information on 35 strategies for dealing with change was shared.

I am big on the use of acronyms to help others remember ‘stuff.’ Sixteen of the strategies came from my book, Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows: Strategies to Stay Sane and Positive amid Change, with PRESERVING SANITY as the acronym. Those strategies are: persistence, relationships, enthusiasm, sense of humor, ending something, roaming the wilderness, vision, irreverent thinking, negotiating roadblocks, giggling; savoring mistakes, “atta” persons, new style of thinking, innovativeness, taking risks, and you have to dream big.

Another 10 strategies can be found in the acronym BE POSITIVE: balance, eager beaver, passion, outlet, saluting others, inner child, transformation, ingenuity, vitality, and easy going.

SMILE contains five more strategies (self-esteem, modification, introspection, laughter, and exuberance) while CALM represented another four (can-do attitude, adapt, learn to let go, and moving forward).

                                                           

Did you happen to notice that the acronyms also provided a hint as to things we need to do when dealing with change?

We need to preserve our sanity and not let change get the best of us;

We need to be positive as an optimistic outlook will certainly help us navigate the change more successfully;

We need to smile since doing so helps us project a more positive image, calms us and reduces stress, and makes up feel happier; and,

We need to remain calm so we can maintain our perspective and not over-react.

In addition to strategies for dealing with change, we also explored what change is and why it is so difficult, the emotion of disappointment, the importance of concentrating on the positive, and the mindset of looking at change as an opportunity. And, four of the very early posts were “housekeeping” ones – who I am, why I wrote the book, how the book can be of help, and an overview of the book’s strategies.

Certainly this blog went well beyond the 16 strategies in the book. As I look to the blog and 2015, I will continue to focus on strategies that will help you deal with change. In addition, I want to look at how change makes us feel and how to deal with those feelings or reactions. And, I will be addressing topics that are coming from you, my faithful followers.  So, perhaps we all will be well served by ‘looking back to move forward.’  Continue  your reflection/introspection to help  you on your journey in this new year.

NICE AND EASY DOES IT!

The past two weeks, we’ve explored change from the standpoint of making adaptations and transformations to negotiate the changed environment. This week, I want to focus on the approach or attitude of easy going as a useful change strategy.

Abraham Lincoln is credited with the following observation: most people for most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook will be. In dealing with change, a choice that will help us be productive and effective in our ability to negotiate the change is to be easy going. This means we are: relaxed, happy, calm, not rigid, not demanding nor stressful. How nice it would be to have 365 days where our lifestyle has a sense of calmness and serenity 24/7. While an admirable goal, it is probably unrealistic to think we can have 365 days, 24/7 of peace and serenity, especially when change happens. Problems, frustrations, anxieties, fears, etc. all get in the way. However, if you tap into being more easy going, into taking time to relax, you can come close to having peaceful, calm, serene days or days where the majority of time/moments are peaceful, calm, or serene.

When you are relaxed, when you make it a priority to be easy going, you are content and have an inner peace; a feeling of satisfaction and happiness with what is going on in your life, even the changes. This is so important when dealing with change, especially unexpected change. When our world gets rocked to its core, when the shift out of our comfort zone is a gigantic one, our first reaction may be one of worry. How am I going to deal with this? I just can’t go on! Why did this happen? While normal, this type of reaction doesn’t help deal with the change. This type of reaction is good for raising your stress level and if that can be avoided, all the better for you.

A better reaction is to keep things in perspective and look for the positive in the change. This will help relax you and help you become more easy going. So, what can you do to live a more relaxed lifestyle day in and day out? How can you be more easy going?

Don’t worry, be happy. Follow the advice in Bobby McFerrin’s song, Don’t Worry, Be Happy. In life there are many things to get us down.   Going down with them makes it very hard to come back up. Instead of worrying about all the stresses in your life, deal with them. Don’t them let get to you.   Maintain a positive attitude. Unclutter your mind. Rid your mind of worries, fears, and guilt.

Focus on what is truly important. Make a list of all the things that are most meaningful, most important to you. Begin to let go of “stuff” in your life that doesn’t make the list; this is the “stuff” that interferes with you being easy going.

Be an historian. Historians study the past to learn from it. It should be the same with you. Avoid dwelling on things that happened in the past. If mistakes were made, learn from them. You will be able to be more relaxed, more easy going if you aren’t fearing making a mistake.

Get organized. The more clutter in your life, the more stressed and unrelaxed you will be. Declutter. Get rid of stuff you no longer use. Organize what is left. Adopt ‘everything in its place and a place for everything’ as your motto.

Avoid energy vampires and drama queens. If you want to be relaxed and easy going, you need to surround yourself with people who brighten your day. Those that are negative or those that make “mountains out of mole hills” will just drain you. The more positive energy around you, the more relaxed and easy going you’ll be. As Gandhi said, “Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”

Make every moment of every day count. Time is too important to waste. Streamline your life by finding efficient ways of doing things. Simplify your lifestyle if needed. Take stock of the number of things in which you are involved and the ‘rate of return’ on each. You might need to eliminate those whose ‘yield’ is low.  
Get your giggle going. There are many physical and mental health benefits as well as social benefits to laughing.   Among other things, laughter decreases loneliness, anger, and depression, all things that get in the way of being relaxed and easy going.   Laughter adds joy and zest to life, relieves stress, improves mood, and enhances resilience. All of these are factors in being more relaxed and easy going.

Take a break! Once in a while, you need to make time for you. When you start to feel stressed, take a short break and relax. Practice stress reduction and relaxation techniques. Meditate. Foster inner peace.

Adopt an attitude of gratitude. We often take the wonderful things in our life for granted. Focus on the good, the positive aspects of your life. Make a list. Focusing on the blessings in your life is a great way of helping you stay relaxed.

I started off by saying how nice it would be to have 365 days where our lifestyle has a sense of calmness and serenity 24/7. And, yes, while this is a challenge for all of us, we can move closer to it (especially when change is trying to steal our peace and serenity) if you work at being more easy going and relaxed. Richard Carlson, in the introduction to the book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff writes, “Whenever we’re dealing with bad news, a difficult person, or a disappointment of some kind, most of us get into certain habits, ways of reacting to life – particularly adversity – that don’t serve us very well. We overreact, blow things out of proportion, hold on too tightly, and focus on the negative aspects of life. When we are immobilized by little things…our (over-) reactions not only make us frustrated but actually get in the way of getting what we want.”   Begin to replace old habits of reaction with new habits of perspective. Implement the techniques introduced here and remember Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”