ADAPTABILITY

In last week’s blog post, I mentioned that football was my favorite spectator sport so it should come as no surprise when I tell you that all fall and early winter, I watched many a college football game.    On January 11, 2021, I was glued to the television to watch the College Football Championship Game between Alabama and Ohio State.  Alabama’s head coach, Nick Saban, has been coaching since 2000 (one year with a professional football team; all others with college teams) and as a college head coach, he has won seven national titles, the most in college football history.  During this year’s championship game, one of the commentators asked, “Why is Nick Saban a great coach?”   His colleague responded, “His ability to adapt.”

Anyone who has had the same position for 20 plus years has seen and experienced a lot of change over time.  And, it makes sense that to remain wildly successful in one’s position, adaptability would be a key factor.  Simply put, to adapt is being able to adjust to new conditions.  The ability to adapt to change is a life skill, one we all need to have.   However, that is easier said than done.  William Bridges (well known for his work with change and transition) talks about change being situational; it is something that happens to us (e.g. my position at work was eliminated).  Bridges labels the emotional or psychological component of change as transitions and according to him, transitions are what we experience as we internalize and come to terms with the details of the new situation that comes with the change.  It is in the transition that we adapt our lives and our thoughts to what has changed.

It is easier to accept the change than it is to adapt to it.  Being able to adapt is difficult for most of us because we are creatures of habit; having to change our patterns and behaviors is frustrating and annoying. We would really simply prefer to keep doing things the old way since this allows us to stay in our comfort zone.  And, while we may feel safe and secure in our comfort zone, in the long run, this may not be what is best for us.  There are times when we must accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.  So, what do we need to do to enhance our ability to adapt?  Let’s explore 12 things we can do.

Create familiarity in the changed environment.  Change moves us from the familiar and the known.  It moves us out of our comfort zone.  So, bringing some of the tangible things in which we find comfort from the old to the new environment will definitely help with the adjustment.  Surrounding ourselves with known and loved items will help create a comfortable space and will help when dealing with some of the emotions like sadness and fear.

Acknowledge our feelings.  Any feeling we may have is normal. We may feel worried, sad, stressed, lost, confused (insert how you are really feeling).  Those are all typical and normal reactions.  The key is to recognize them; acknowledge them, but don’t let them take control of you.

Release any fears about what is going to happen in the new/changed environment. Worrying about tomorrow only takes away from enjoying today.  What we imagine happening may never occur. Try to take the unknowns of life and put them on the back burner of our mind instead of actively trying to play out every scenario. Focus on the here and now and on what we can control.  Don’t waste energy on things over which we have no control. 

Take control of our attitude.  Brian Tracy (motivational speaker and self-development author) tells us, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control our attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”  We do need to take charge of our thoughts and actions in the changed environment and focus on the thoughts and feelings that will help us adjust; that will help get us closer to our goals.

Remove the negative options.  When something happens that we don’t like or isn’t what we wanted, we often switch to dark and negative thoughts.  Instead, we need to do as Maya Angelou (American poet) said and either change what we don’t  like or if we can’t change whatever we don’t like, we need to change our attitude about it.  She also said, “Remove negative thoughts and doubts, be optimistic, and you will find that you are able to adapt to the changes in your life more easily.”

Adopt a positive mindset.  It is very easy to slip into a negative mindset when dealing with change:  I don’t like it here.  This is so different from what I expected.  I just can’t do this.  Nothing is going right.   Letting our optimistic side come to the forefront will help in putting the negative mindset in perspective.   Look for the bright side in things.  Focus on the positive. 

Talk things out.    We need to stay in close touch with our “touchstones;” our friends and family.  Let them know what we are thinking and feeling.  Let them lend an ear and let them share their perspective on things.

Take it one day at a time.  Since change makes things different, it may be best to take things one day at a time.  Get through one day and then deal with the next when it gets here.  While we may have to plan for the future, we don’t have to worry about it.  We can keep the future in sight, but our focus should be on the here and now.

Make no rush decisions.  When we are emotionally vulnerable, we don’t make the best decisions.  With change we experience a lot of emotions, both positive and negative. The negative ones are the ones that bring us down and drain our energy.  When we are at an emotional low and our energy reserves are working on fumes, it is easy to want to throw in the towel and just give up.  Everything needs to be in perspective before any decisions are made.

Think differently.  Albert Einstein (physicist Nobel Prize winner for Physics in 1921) said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”  Dealing with the unexpected is one of the most difficult things anyone can face.  The unexpected moves us out of our comfort zone before we realize what is happening.  When faced with the unforeseen, traditional or logical thinking may not provide us with the best option to deal with the situation.  We may be better served thinking creatively or divergently.

Be resourceful and innovative.   Resourcefulness is about optimizing what we have to work with.   Innovation is not just about creating something new; it also applies to making old things work better. 

Change the way we approach the situations.  Confucius (Chinese teacher and philosopher) said, “When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don’t adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.”  When the changed situation overwhelms us, we need to try to change the way we approach the situation.  We need to focus our mind in new directions and make choices based on our outcomes.

One of the things we all have in common is, no matter what stage of life we’re at, change is always constant. Children have to adjust to new schools and teachers, teenagers and young adults must adapt to college and first loves, adults must learn how to deal with marriage and careers, and older folks must acclimate to empty nests and retirement. No matter our age, we all have to cope with things like death, sickness, coming and going of people, changing seasons, and other unavoidable evolutions. Adapting to any change is a very personal process that takes time and that amount of time will differ for each of us.  If we take it day by day (and even hour by hour within each day if need be), don’t rush things, give ourselves and others the time and the space, and follow some of the ideas outlined in this week’s post, our adaptation to the whatever has changed will be a little easier for us.

“RISING ABOVE ANYTHING LIFE CAN THROW AT YOU”

Joely Fisher (an American actress and singer), in an interview following the passing of her half-sister, Carrie Fisher, commented on the need to “rise above anything life can throw at you.”  Life does challenge us at times with things like loss (loved ones, relationships, jobs, homes…), seismic changes, illnesses, or tough choices.  Our ability to rise above anything that comes our way rests with our response, with our ability to adjust and adapt to what we are facing.

For most of us, it is hard to deal with life’s challenging moments.  Thinking about “rising above” is probably the last thing on our minds.  Sometimes it just feels easier to cocoon ourselves and not have to deal with anything.  While cocooning ourselves may make us feel good for a little bit, it does not help us deal with whatever happened and it does not help us move on.  Martin Short, an American comedian who lost his mother, father, and older brother during his adolescent years tells us, “Something terrible can happen to you, and yet, the day after this something terrible, the sun still rises, and life goes on.  And therefore, so must you.”

Since most of us have difficulty with rising above anything life can throw at us, let’s take some time this week to look at some things we can do to help us move forward.  We can:

Take an emotional time out.  It is our response, our reaction to whatever comes our way that determines our ability to rise above it and move on.  The initial, natural response is an emotional one.  Feel the emotion; acknowledge the emotion but then we need to take an emotional time out so our objective side can take over and help us come up with ways to deal with what we are facing.

Think like a winner.  Believing that we can overcome whatever life threw at us is half the battle.  Have confidence.  Steer clear from doubts because they will only immobilize any effort.  Self-doubts also turn attention away from solutions and keep the attention on the issue.  The calmer we can be, the clearer our mind and the better we are able to think divergently and creatively about the issue(s).  Winners don’t quit; they rise above to meet the challenge head on.

Stay the course.  Never give up, give in, or lose hope.  We all have something inside of us that is greater than any challenge we may encounter on our life journey.  We must believe in ourselves and in our inner strength and resilience.  If we remember that strength doesn’t come from we can’t do but rather from overcoming that which we think we can’t we will put ourselves on a path to rise above the challenge.

Continue to pursue our dream.   Understanding what and where we want to go in life will provide our vision and spirit.  This vision provides motivation to keep us moving above and beyond.   Vision leads to goals leads to action leads to movement leads to rising above!

Maintain a positive outlook.  Even though things may be tough right now, look beyond and notice what is good.  American poet Walt Whitman said, “Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.”  The sunshine is our positive outlook; the shadows are whatever we are facing.

Eliminate absolutes like ‘never’ and ‘always.’   Negative absolutes like ‘I will never get over this’ keep us weighted down.  And, when weighted down it is difficult to rise above anything.  If we eliminate negative absolutes from our thoughts and replace them with more relative, open words like ‘sometimes’ and eventually (I will eventually get over this), that weight will be lifted, we will feel “lighter,” and we will be better able to rise above whatever we are facing.

Move beyond fear.  Avoid worrying about ‘what might be.’   When we fear our struggles, they tend to consume us.  But, when we face our struggles, we tend to overcome them.  Focus on the here and now and on what we can control.  Don’t waste energy on things over which we have no control.

Talk through the situation. Talking to others will help put or keep things in perspective. Other people may have similar experiences and may be able to share how they dealt with the issue.  Seek expert help when the issue seems insurmountable and the desire to give up is strong.

Rising above anything life throws at us means we elevate ourselves; we go beyond ourselves and we lift ourselves over what initially seems to be an obstacle.  Maya Angelou (American poet and civil rights activist) tells us, “No sun outlasts its sunset but will rise again and bring the dawn.”  And so it is with us.  Nothing life throws at us can outlast our determination, our will, our desire to move forward.  We can operate at a “higher frequency.”  We have the power in us to create opportunities and pathways to move beyond.

ADJUSTING TO A NEW NORMAL

A dear friend’s husband recently lost his battle with cancer.  When she called me with the news, she shared that she didn’t know how she was going to adjust to his not being around.  She asked, “We were together for over 55 years.  How long do you think it is going to take me to get used to being without him?”  My answer was “You will probably never get used to being without him but with time, you will adjust to your ‘new normal.’”

  Oh, my yes.  Adjusting to change takes time.  For some, it happens quickly.  For others, it can take weeks or months or years or what seems like forever.   The adjustment to any change is a very personal process that takes time.  I cannot quantify how long it will take.  I did tell my friend to take it day by day (and even hour by hour within each day if need be).  That she shouldn’t rush things; that she needed to give herself the time (and the space) to deal with the change.  While I couldn’t offer a definitive time frame to my friend for adjusting to change, we did talk about the following:

Acknowledging feelings.  Any feeling one has is normal.  Feeling worried, sad, stressed, lost, confused is to be expected.  Those are all typical and normal reactions.  The key is to recognize them; acknowledge them, but to not let them dominate and take control.

Compartmentalizing thoughts and creating a special place for worry and doubt.   Worry and doubt love to rear their heads in changed environments.  Can I make it alone?  Whatever will I do?  Will I be able to move on?   Worrying does nothing but take away today’s peace!  Someone said, “Worry is a total waste of time.  It doesn’t change anything. All it does is steal your joy and keeps you very busy doing nothing.”    Living and working in the changed environment takes energy.  Doubt, fear, worry, anxiety – they are all energy zappers; they do nothing more than slow us down.  If we can place thoughts of doubt, fear, worry, and anxiety in a special place in our mind, lock them in there, and toss the key we will then have room for thoughts of certainty, bravery, contentment, and a sense of calm.

Releasing any fears about what is going to happen in the new/changed environment. Worrying about tomorrow only takes away from enjoying today.  What we imagine happening may never occur. Try to take the unknowns of life and put them on the back burner of our mind instead of actively trying to play out every scenario. Focus on the here and now and on what we can control.  Don’t waste energy on things over which we have no control.

Taking control of our attitude.  Motivational speaker and self-development author Brian Tracy tells us, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control our attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”  We do need to take charge of our thoughts and actions in the changed environment.  Be proactive rather than reactive to what is going on.  Unless one is dealing with a chemical imbalance in their system, if we want to be positive and happy, we will be.  If we want to be negative and unhappy, we will be.  The choice is ours, so we need  to take control of our attitude and focus on the thoughts and feelings that will help us adjust; that will help get us closer to our goals.

Adopting a positive mindset.  It is very easy to slip in a negative mindset when dealing with change:  I don’t like it here.  This is so different from what I expected.  I just can’t do this.  Nothing is going right.   Letting our optimistic side come to the forefront will help to put the negative mindset in perspective.   Look for the bright side in things.  Focus on the positive.  Being positive will turn into being more content and maybe even happier.

Taking it one day at a time.  Since change makes things different, it may be best to take things one day at a time.  Get through one day before thinking about how to deal with the next day.   While we may have to plan for the future, we don’t have to worry about it.  We can keep the future in sight, but our focus should be on the here and now.

Making no rush decisions.  When we are emotionally vulnerable, we don’t make the best decisions.  With change we experience a lot of emotions, both positive and negative. The negative ones are the ones that bring us down and drain our energy.  When we are at an emotional low and our energy reserves are working on fumes, it is easy to want to throw in the towel and just give up.  If we get to that point we need to take a step back and tell ourselves to wait until tomorrow; wait until we talk things out with a “touchstone.”  Everything needs to be in perspective before any decisions are made.

Talking things out.  Stay in close touch with “touchstones” –   friends and family.  Let them know thoughts and feelings.  Let them lend an ear and let them share their perspective on things.

It is never easy letting go or giving up something/someone that we love, are fond of, or are comfortable with.  However, sometimes we have no choice. When the change is out of our control the only thing we can control is how we react to the change.  While there are things we can do in the short term that might make us feel better (ranting, raving, moaning, and groaning), none of these will help us move on or deal with what we are left with.  After we vent about the unfairness of the change, we need to quickly look at how we can make the most of and the best of the situation.  The suggestions shared in the post are but a few of the strategies that will help us move beyond the situation.  The important thing to remember is that we can control the change by controlling our reaction and setting in motion plans that help us move forward.

DEALING WITH THE CURVEBALLS OF LIFE

We all can probably relate to something unexpected or surprising or disruptive happening to us or to someone in our lives.  Many refer to these moments as “curveballs.”  A curveball in baseball is a pitch that appears to be moving straight toward home plate but is really moving down and to the right or left.  Curveballs are meant to surprise the batter.  And curveballs do indeed take us by surprise when one is thrown our way.  It is what we do with the curveball that makes a difference.

 Take for example one of the curveballs dealt actor John Corbett.  John is an American actor who was born and raised in Wheeling, West Virginia (and who, by the way, was inducted into the Wheeling Hall of Fame in 2004).  After graduating from Wheeling Central High School, John worked as a delivery boy earning $2.65 an hour.   His dad, who lived in California, had offered to help him find a job in the steel industry out there and taking his dad up on an offer, John traveled to California with some buddies.  Shortly after arriving, he began work at Kaiser Steel in Fontana, making very good money as a hydrotester (made sure the welds were tight on the huge pipes the company made).  According to John, “Then one day some pipes came off the assembly line and hit me in the back.  Next thing I knew, I was on disability, walking with a cane, popping painkillers.  Manual labor was out of the question. What was I going to do with my life now?”

Can you relate?  Ever asked yourself, “What am I going to do with my life now?”  Any of us who have dealt with a curveball have probably uttered those words or had that thought.  And how we respond to that question makes all the difference in our lives. John Corbett responded by attending acting classes at Cerritos Community College.  He found that he had a passion for acting.  He was good at it.  He found joy in it.  As he says, “I’m the least likely guy to end up in several hit TV series, let alone star in a Hollywood movie.  Me, a blue-collar kid from West Virginia.”

 We can all be like John and hit the rare curveball out of the park if we take the right approach to the “pitch.”  It is our response to the curveball (and I am sure there will be many that cross our path) that makes all the difference in the world.  We:

• Cannot walk away from the curveball.
• Need to accept “the pitch,” make adjustments, and move on.
• Need to approach it with a calm and open mind.
• Need to take control of our emotions.
• Should view the curveball as an opportunity and use it as a teachable moment; learn from it.
• Have to find the joy in the unexpected; look for the positive.
• Can laugh and look for the humor in the situation.
• Need to take time to clear our mind and open our heart; take a deep breath and calm down.
• Have to keep moving and in a forward direction.
• Must adopt a ‘this too shall pass’ perspective.
• Need to approach the curveball as a challenge rather than as a burden.  
• Can make a list of options for what to do.
• Should try to gain perspective on what happened and keep things in perspective (this is but one pitch in our life).
• We must not personalize the situation.
• Can ask questions to gain information that will help us move forward.
• Can smile.

Curveballs.  Something we would rather not come our way, but more than likely, we will all deal with our share of them.  Remember, it is our choice how we deal or react or respond to the curveballs.   And, how we react determines what happens to us.  We can choose to allow the curveball to paralyze us.  We can hole up somewhere and do absolutely nothing.  We can choose to allow the curveball to get us down, blanketing us in negative emotions (sadness, anger, fear, etc.) turning us into unhappy people.  Or, we can choose to make the best of the curveball, finding the positive in it, and moving onward and upward.

As Brian Tracy (motivational speaker and self-development author) tells us, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”  Our response will define our quality of life (paralyzed and immobilized; negative and unhappy, or positive and making the best of everything).   We need to not let what happens to us dictate our response.  We can learn to deal positively and productively with the curveballs in our life just as John Corbett did!

A NEW NORMAL

In my post on Succeeding Against All Odds (posted December 19, 2016), I talked about characteristics of pro race car driver and Season 23 runner up of Dancing With the Stars, James Hinchcliffe, that helped him beat the odds. One characteristic was his willingness to step outside his comfort zone. In an Us Weekly exclusive he shared, “So much of this week and the story that I wanted to tell wasn’t about something bad that happened to me, it was what good came out of that. Eighteen months ago I don’t think I would have done this show, but what I went through really changed my perspective on a lot of things, and it opened me up to doing something a little bit outside my comfort zone. Or a lot outside my comfort zone!”

Just as I was wrapping up the writing of the Succeeding Against All Odds post, an article from the Tiny Buddha website (if you have not come across this inspiring site, I encourage you to check it out) came across my desk. Melissa Field began her article, Beautiful Things Can Happen When We Step Outside Our Comfort Zone, with a quote by writer and leadership speaker, Robin S. Sharma. He says, “As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.”

 I loved the phrase “your new normal.” Since we are close to ringing in a new year and a new year always brings change of some sort about, I thought it might be interesting to further explore “a new normal.”

The term new normal is a cliché that was introduced in March 2009 when American financial manager William H. Gross used it to describe the economic landscape following the financial crisis of 2007-2008 and the 2008-2012 global recession. New normal now describes the current state of being after some dramatic change has occurred. For example, my godson and his wife had twins in September. Getting less sleep each night has become the new normal for them.   In July, our family lost a beloved uncle. Not having him around for upcoming holiday festivities is a new normal for the family.

Changes in the above examples have moved many in my family out of their comfort zones, from routinized familiarity to random unknowns. One of the hardest things to deal with after change is not knowing what will happen next. And what is unveiled in those unknowns is most definitely the new normal for each of us. Lots of ‘what’ and ‘how’ and ‘can I’ questions are common as we attempt to navigate within our “new” environment, discovering what is now normal for us. For anyone facing a new normal, it is important to deal with and accept current situations rather than obsessing over or complaining about what could have been or should have been. Let’s take a look at some things we can do to adjust to a new normal.

GIVE IT TIME. Our minds tend to adjust over time. We gradually adjust to what has changed; what is new. So, it is important to be patient and give the changes time to become the new normal. Take it one day at a time.

USE YOUR STRESS AS A CALL TO ACTION. Yes, having to deal with a new normal (especially once outside of our comfort zone) does generate the stress response and does raise our anxiety levels. And, if we stay in a state of stress or remain anxious, we may encounter a lot of negative physical, emotional, or psychological “side effects.”   HOWEVER, a small amount of stress may move us to “action mode” which may help us deal with whatever changed and may help us create something positive in the new normal. Being in the new normal and outside our comfort zones may feel awkward, weird and well, uncomfortable, but that isn’t always bad. A lot of good can come from outside the comfort zone and in the new normal.

BE OPEN TO LEARNING AND GROWING. Brian Tracy has said, “You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.” The shift outside our comfort zone and into a new normal forces us to try new things. This gives us an opportunity to learn things about ourselves and to see ourselves in a different light.

UNLEASH YOUR INNER ARCHEOLOGIST. Anthony Robbins said, “If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” You will never know what is possible or what you are capable of unless you leave the confines of what is comfortable and known. How can you move forward unless you are willing to open new doors and try new things? Indeed, you will never know what you are capable of doing; you may never reach your full potential unless you venture beyond the boundaries of your comfort zone and give the new normal a chance.

DOUBLE DARE YOURSELF. What we fear in the new normal is only there because the “survival portion” of our brain is trying to protect us. Create a list of those fears, of that scary stuff. Then ask, what is the worst thing that can happen?   Create a resolution list for each fear and its worst possible outcome. You will find that the scariness of the situation really isn’t so foreboding. Dare, no double dare yourself to face and work on those fears.

DON’T GIVE UP! When things get tough or scary or overwhelming there may be the desire to just quit or give up. Avoid acting on that desire. Stay the course, use your inner resolve, and keep going; persist. Remember, “In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins. Not through strength, but through persistence.” (Unknown)

As we enter into a new year, at some point we will all experience a new normal. We will be moved outside of our comfort zones and as Robin S. Sharma said, “…what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.”  Let’s remember to embrace the new normal, take time to adjust to it (the six tips in this post will help), and see where it takes us.

ORIENTING OURSELVES TO CHANGE

This week, I find myself spending time with my nephew on the campus of the college he will begin attending in August. We are here for the purpose of ‘new student orientation.’ Information from the college on this event states, “New Student Orientation (NSO) is a two-day experience aimed at providing your student with an introduction to life on campus, in the classroom, and in the (town in which this college is located). This college orientation is designed to help new students deal with the change from living at home and life at high school to living in a college dorm and life at college.”

This got me to thinking about orienting ourselves to change, something I think few of us do. Since an orientation is an introduction that guides one in adjusting to new surroundings or activities, it makes sense to me to think about how we orient ourselves to change. What basic information should we have to make it easier to deal with whatever is changing? How do we or should we prepare ourselves for change? How can we acquaint ourselves with the opportunities change may bring us?

Let’s take a look at how change may enter our lives. My nephew just graduated from high school. This is a natural change. It is a change we knew was coming and that for the most part, he and everyone in the family was excited about. As welcome as the change may be, there may be some fear associated with it. However, any fears that accompany a natural change do not seem to interfere with this type of change. (Natural changes fall into my category of minor changes.)

There is also gradual change. This is when change progresses slowly and we don’t seem to notice it happening. We see gradual changes in nature when the seasons change. In the part of the country I live in, spring ushers in gradual changes with the trees. Slowly, over weeks, they go from bare to having buds to sprouting leaves. We also see this type of change with some illnesses. Symptoms may slowly present themselves and after a while the illness becomes full blown and we ask, “What happened?”  This type of change can create both positive and negative feelings and the result of changes in this category can be minor, major, or seismic. 
Sudden, unexpected change is the type that blindsides us. We don’t see it coming. A sudden death, an accident that turns one’s world upside down, the closing of one’s place of business without notice, or the loss of a job without warning all fit the category of a change that blindsides us.   This type of change often elicits negative emotions such as alarm, panic, indifference, fear, anger, sorrow, grief, frustration, disappointment, and embarrassment. (Sudden, unexpected change falls into my category of seismic changes.)

Since change can enter our lives at any time and in any way, how do we prepare ourselves for it? How do we orient ourselves to deal with change and what it brings to us?   Let’s look at the tips my orientation to change would include.

ALWAYS HAVE YOUR “MENTAL SUITCASE” PACKED. Since change is a constant in our lives and can happen at any time, always having this thought in the back of our mind will help when change does “hit” us, especially sudden, unexpected change. Remember, life is impermanent. Things do change. Sometimes the change is pleasant; sometimes, unpleasant. We need to be mentally prepared for the best case and the worst case scenario.

REV UP THE POSITIVE THOUGHTS.   You are in charge of what you think so maintain a positive outlook and thinking so that when change does happen, flooding yourself with positive, encouraging, motivational thoughts and self-talk will be easy and seem natural. If change usually rocks you to your core and you typically start a negative discussion with yourself, you need to become stronger than those thoughts. You need to choose to keep options open, and the positive self-talk will help. Avoid the “oh, woe is me” thinking and instead think “what adventure can I go on now!” Remember, with positive thoughts you can get positive results.

OUR MINDS SHOULD BE LIKE PARACHUTES IN FLIGHT.  Thomas Dewar said, “Minds are like parachutes – they only function when open.” If we are able to keep an open mind, we have a much better chance of being successful in a changed environment because we allow ourselves to experience new and different thoughts and ideas; we open ourselves up to other possibilities. An open mind frees us to see things from different perspectives which we might need to do in the changed environment.

HAVE A SUPPORT SYSTEM IN PLACE. No matter how change enters your life, your touchstones, your friends will be a huge help to you, especially in providing much needed support. They may be able to provide a different perspective ( a fresh pair of eyes) that helps you in dealing with what you may face.

BE READY TO EXPLORE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Our comfort zones are nice, but when change happens, we are often pushed outside the boundaries of our comfort zones. Someone one said, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” All growth, all change happens outside the comfort zone. The following thought from Doe Zantamata helps develop a mindset for this tip, “If you were to open the front door and see that it had started raining, you wouldn’t slam it and curse the clouds because it was sunny just an hour before. You’d get an umbrella, and be on your way. Part of embracing change in life, is knowing that you will be able to adapt. There is comfort in the familiar, but new things can be better than before, or the change may even only be temporary. When faced with change that’s not in your control, adapt, and be on your way.”

LEARN TO LOVE DETOURS. Detours are deviations from the usual procedure or a direct course; it is a roundabout way temporarily replacing part of a route. Change can do just that – put deviations in the ‘usualness’ of life. Just as detours in our travels sometimes have us discover places we didn’t know existed, so to can a detour in life created by change. Be ready to explore what the detour has to offer. Your new route may be exciting and interesting and help you learn ‘stuff’ about yourself. You may find that your determination and commitment to do something, to come out on top of the change, to make the most of things gets renewed. The journey along the detour won’t be wasted as you will learn a lot about yourself and where you really need to be.

PRACTICE YOUR GUMBY MOVES. For those not familiar, Gumby is a clay animation figure (created by Art Clokey in 1953) and is known for his flexibility. Gumby’s flexibility came with his ability to move in all different directions. Let him be a symbol for us being adaptable in a changed environment. Randy Pausch said,” We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.” If change throws us for a loop, we don’t have to give up or give in. We can choose to look at all the options in front of us and choose one that will help us move forward toward something we want to see in the change.

RECOGNIZE THAT CHANGE BRINGS OPPORTUNITY. Many difficult moments in our life happen when change is sudden and unexpected.   We can choose to feel sorry for ourselves (oh, woe is me; why is this happening to me syndrome) or we can choose to treat the situation as an opportunity for personal growth and creativity (I am not happy this happened, but what can I learn from this syndrome). Think of the good, the positive that can come from the change. If you feel there are negative consequences to the change, have some coping mechanisms (some stress reduction strategies) ready to implement. 

TAKING TIME TO ADJUST IS OK. You may be well prepared for some change, but no matter how prepared you feel you are there is always something unexpected that can occur. All change (even that which we control and want) needs a period of adjustment. Taking time to ease into the new will minimize feelings of being overwhelmed. Taking things one day at a time will help make the change be more manageable.

So, my orientation to change includes nine items.   These nine items are designed to help us prepare to adjust ourselves to the newness in the changed environment. Change is inevitable and when it “hits,” it takes us on a roller coaster ride, a journey with ups and downs: light and darkness, hope and fear, joy and sadness, sweet and bitter. If we are prepared for change, orient ourselves to change, have strategies at hand for when change does arrive, we will be much better able to successfully and positively survive the roller coaster ride!

 

THRIVING DURING TIMES OF CHANGE

Last week, I was asked to speak at a luncheon for hospital volunteers.   While learning a little bit about the group, so I could tailor my comments to them, I discovered that the hospital in which they volunteered had recently undergone tremendous changes, many of which were not sitting well with these volunteers.  When I mentioned to my contact that addressing how to embrace and ride the waves of change might be interesting, entertaining, and meaningful to the group, she agreed, and I was “off and running” preparing my remarks for the group.

The volunteers all seem to be dealing with the emotional and psychological aspects (transitions) of change and everything that this blog has been focusing on the past month – mindset, habits, beliefs, and emotions – seemed appropriate to present to this group.

So, I had my topic and I knew that I wanted to share with them how they could survive the changes and even thrive within the new environment.    Jon Gordon’s book The Shark and the Goldfish:  Positive Ways to Thrive During Waves of Change provided the inspiration for how to deliver my message.

If you are not familiar with this book, principles on how to embrace change and thrive in its wake are presented through a fable about a goldfish (Gordy) who when taken to the beach by his owner gets accidently swept away into the ocean.  He is befriended by a helpful shark (Sammy) who teaches him valuable lessons about surviving and thriving in a new environment.    Gordon has done a masterful job of weaving strategies and techniques in this tale and has done so in a way that enlightens, encourages, and inspires.  I found the information in this book a wonderful complement to the suggestions that have been made in my posts on mindset, habits, beliefs, and emotions as well as a wonderful complement to my book Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows:  Strategies to Stay Sane and Positive amid Change.

The tale of the shark and the goldfish highlights four steps to thrive during change:

• Embrace the wave of change
• Ride the wave of change
• Stay positive during change
• Thrive because of change

When the WAVE OF CHANGE hits you, to be successful and to thrive you:

Must acknowledge what has happened (no matter how you feel about what has happened, you need to admit that something has become different and that something does require you to give it attention).

Need to adjust your thinking within the changed environment (remember Einstein’s thought that, “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”).

You need to decide to be a hero (someone who in the face of adversity displays courage and determination to persevere and move forward despite all odds) and not a victim of circumstance (one who feels deceived or cheated by the situation; one who feels “woe is me” is how life now is) in the changed environment.

Need to take control of your reaction to the change.  (Reflect on Brian Tracey’s words, “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.)

Need to persist and you need to keep things in perspective.

To successfully EMBRACE THE WAVE OF CHANGE, you need to:

Believe that you can influence the situation and outcome by positive thoughts, beliefs, and actions.  (In Gordon’s book, this is called the “Positive Shark Formula” or events + positive response = outcome.)

Trust that whatever you are facing is not the end, but the beginning of something better and greater.  (Remember, everything happens for a reason even though we can’t always determine or understand what that reason may be at the time.  Keeping an open mind and remaining positive will only help.) 

RIDING THE WAVE OF CHANGE means you need to:

Assess the situation by asking what can I learn from this, how can I grow and become better as a result of it, what opportunities does this situation present, what do I want from or out of this situation, and what positive actions do I need to take to help me achieve what I want?

Believe that the change does/will provide an opportunity to get a fresh start or does/will provide an opportunity to help others in some way deal with what you have just faced.

Check your mindset.  Is a chain that is holding you back?  As Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”  (Or as  Sammy and Gordy say in the book, “If you think your best days  are behind you, they are; if you think your best days are ahead of you,  they are.”)

TIPS FOR STAYING POSITIVE DURING THE CHANGE include:

• Focus on what is possible, not what is impossible.
• Your belief must be greater than all the negativity and doubt. 
• All success starts with belief.
• Positive beliefs lead to powerful actions.
• Choose faith over fear. Faith believes in a positive future that hasn’t happened yet; fear believes in a negative future that hasn’t happened yet.

• The changed environment can be scary and frightening; faith helps overcome the fear that sabotages joy and success.
• You can choose how you see things in the changed environment.
• Expect success and you will find it.
• The only one who can limit your possibilities is you.
• Don’t let your past determine your future.
• Instead of being disappointed about where you are, be optimistic about where you are going.

The final step in thriving during change is to THRIVE BECAUSE OF CHANGE.  To do this, you must:

• Enhance a  positive attitude with focus and action.
• Think and act like a “winner.”

• Adopt the attitude that there is no substitute for hard work.
• Tune out distractions.
• Work hard and focus on thriving; don’t settle for just surviving.
• Know what you want, work hard, and focus on getting it.
• Learn from others and model their successes.

It is, indeed, so true that we can’t control the events in our lives.  What we are in control of is how we respond to those events.     It is your choice to be like a “goldfish,” waiting for someone to come along and “feed you;” take care of you and your needs.  And, if someone doesn’t come along to care for you, you believe you will not be able to make it.   Or, you can be like a “shark,” who is used to fending for himself and does what it takes to do so successfully.  Your future, especially in the changed environment, is truly in your hands.

The next time you encounter a change and consider it a misfortune, tweak that thought by looking for the opportunity within that adversity.  Have faith over fear.  Focus on a positive future (faith) rather than a negative one (fear).   Remember, to be successful, attitude is everything.  As the author states, “Just like Gordy, many of us have to change the way we think and act in order to survive and thrive when life isn’t going our way.  It might surprise you, but many successful people and businesses have actually grown to prominence during the worst recessions and downturns all because they took action and moved full steam ahead while others merely tried to stay afloat.”