HOW JOY HELPS US DEAL WITH CHANGE

Recently, my friend, Jimmy, who also is a blogger posted the following (for the full post go to coachpickett.org): “I am joy! I have recently made yet another move. This time I have moved from Florida back to Wheeling where I lived for many years.  I packed, arranged for a mover, crowded many treasures in my car and soon I was settling into my new home.  This is just the most recent of many moves I have made.  I have sorted, discarded, given away and moved as few as four and as many as 120 boxes of joy.  One might ask how one packs and moves joy?  How much does a moving company charge to move joy?  Are there special boxes in which to pack it?  Actually, joy gets packed into boxes of various sizes and strengths.  Some of these boxes will be badly handled and arrive with only the fragments of the objects which contained the joy.   Yet, none of the damage will destroy the joy – the joy of the memories which are attached to each of the paintings, pottery creations, china, silver, books or clothes.”

I knew I had to share Jimmy’s wisdom with all of you because within these words, he has shared a strategy for dealing with change: focusing on the joy of things, moments, events, and people. Joy is a feeling of great pleasure and happiness. Ned Hallowell, MD, author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, says, “Joy is the intense moments—the moments of success, the moments of connection, the moments of really appreciating beauty and saying, ‘Oh wow, I’m so lucky to be alive!’ ”

If we are able to focus on joy when change enters our life, especially unwanted or unexpected change, we will be able to put in their place any negative emotions that may accompany the change. (It is important to acknowledge any emotions we feel with change, but we must not dwell on those that would stop us from moving forward – emotions like fear, anger, alarm, aversion, indifference, sorrow, frustration, guilt, hate. Joy and its positive nature has a way of keeping us moving forward.)

Joy helps us keep our eyes on the “prize;” on our goal. And each time we move closer to our goal, joy makes us feel good about our journey. It uplifts us. It gives us energy. It helps surround us with positive vibes. Even with a setback, joy helps us see the lesson or blesson (blessing + lesson) in any setback or challenge. Those who say that it is near impossible to keep joy when our situation is tough, when our situation is sudden and unexpected, fail to see that no matter how hard, how challenging, how tough a situation gets, we always have the choice to see joy, see the positive in what we are doing and where we are heading. We can choose to  view what we are experiencing as negative or as joyous.  I encourage you to choose joy. The ‘joyful’ path will most certainly get you to your goal and sooner than the ‘negative’ path will.

So, if we focus on moments that bring or have brought us pleasure and happiness and relate those to what we are dealing with in our changed environment, we will be able to make more steps forward than backward in our ability to handle the change and work toward our goal(s). The Dalai Lama advises, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” Let’s take a look at some actions you can do to enhance the joy in your life so you are able to tap into ‘joy’ as a change strategy.

1. Hold on to thoughts and things that make you feel good. 
2. Look on the bright side. See the good even in negative and challenging situations.
3. Appreciate the smallest of blessings. Count your blessings. Have an attitude of gratitude.
4. Release your inner, joyful child.
5. Share the joy. Act with kindness in words, deeds, and reflection. Make others feel good.
6. Fill thoughts, actions, and words with joy. This will leave no room for things that might take us down.
7. Avoid interference. We are often the greatest obstacle to being joyful; to being positive and upbeat. We often let life interfere with that capability. Let life happen, but keep things in perspective and look for that good in everything.
8. Stay connected to friends.
9. Smile!
10. Take care of yourself. Get adequate rest and sleep. Engage in physical activity. Meditate. Relax.

Jimmy concluded the blog post referenced earlier with, “Joy is love. Joy is sharing. Joy is delight, an unexpected smile or hug, a phrase well turned in a new book, the smell of cooking, the soothing caress of a gentle breeze. Joy is Shelia and Jan creating a safe place to share one’s written creation.   Joy is lines in a face, smiling eyes, an open, smiling heart, a skip, a hug which lifts one off one’s feet.  Joy is.”

Yes, joy just is. Joy comes from within and we should let nothing damage or diminish our joy. As Jonathan Lockwood Huie says, “Today, I choose to create joy in my life. Whatever my external circumstances, I choose to see all of life through joyful eyes.” Whether dealing with change or just with life in general, choose to create joy; choose to keep moments of joy close at hand;  choose to see life through joyful eyes.

HOW GOALS HELP US DEAL WITH THE “IMPOSSIBLE” OF CHANGE

 

This information is being posted on February 15, 2016. Today would have been my father’s 92^nd birthday.   In 1989, he had a heart attack which he survived, but the doctors told him that he would be lucky if he lived another five years. My dad, wanting to be able to celebrate his 50^th wedding anniversary (which would take place in October 1998), said to the doctors, “I need to be around for 10 years. Let’s make that happen.”

What my dad was asking for seemed like the impossible. But, happen it did because my dad had set a goal and he was going to do everything in his power to achieve it. He ate healthier. He adjusted activities so as not to put undue strain on his heart. He balanced his days with rest, volunteer work, and his favorite activities (fishing, cutting wood for his wood-burning furnace, and spending time with family and friends). He lived every moment of every day to the fullest. He relished and celebrated life.

My dad’s last 10 years are a wonderful example of the importance of setting goals.   Goals are our plans for the future; they help us create positive expectations for the future. Goals are what we are trying to achieve. When we set goals, we determine what result we want and then we put forth effort to achieve that result. My dad’s goal helped him deal with the change (a heart condition) that entered his life. He could have given up; resigned himself to having only five years or less left; become a recluse and wile away the remaining time sitting in his recliner watching John Wayne movies. But no!   Instead, he set a goal that helped him deal with the unsettled nature of things.  You see, if we set a goal and dream about attaining that goal; of really desiring that goal/dream to come true, we just might work hard to make that goal a reality (no matter how impossible). We might work hard to make that dream come true. Our goals give us possibilities. And, when change that we don’t particularly want enters our life, having possibilities for the future helps us deal with that change.

Greg Anderson said, “When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life.” My dad didn’t allow his life-changing news to deny him the ability to truly live life. Instead, he did have a goal that had deep meaning and a dream that needed completion – celebrating his 50^th wedding anniversary – which propelled him forward; which had him truly living life; which had him dealing with change in a positive way. Despite the odds, despite how impossible it sounded, having that goal gave him something to strive for; something for which to keep going.

The best goal is created as a S.M.A.R.T. goal meaning it is:

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Relevant

Time bound

Let’s look closer at each of these components.

Specific: Clearly define the outcome you want. What do you want to achieve? How will you achieve it? Why is it important to you? (My dad wanted to celebrate his 50^th wedding anniversary.)

Measurable: Establish criteria for measuring progress. Use actual numbers, target dates, or specific events to indicate when your goal has been achieved. (My dad wanted to celebrate his 50^th wedding anniversary, which meant he had to be around on October 9, 1998 to achieve his goal.)
Attainable: Your goal should move you beyond your comfort zone, but with effort and commitment should be attainable. (My dad’s goal was very significant to him and had much meaning. He made lifestyle changes – effort and commitment – to help him attain his goal. Was my dad’s goal really attainable? The odds were certainly stacked against him and much was out of his control. But, he did all that he could to control the factors that he could.)

Relevant: Your goal should be important, meaningful, and significant to you and the outcome should impact your life. (His 50^th wedding anniversary was very important to my dad. He and my mom had many milestones in their married life and this was another one that had special meaning, one that gave him the drive to try and defy the odds the doctors had given him.)

Time bound: Your goal needs to have a time frame for completion. This will keep you focused and on track. (My dad’s time frame was to be around in 1998. While that was a long way off, he kept his “eyes on the prize” and consistently modified what he did and how he did things to give him the chance to achieve his goal.)

With any change, especially one that shifts you off course whatever direction you were headed, it is important to, as the GPS says “recalculate.” Part of the recalculation is setting a new goal or goals that will help keep you focused and will give you direction. Having a goal helps make what seems impossible or overwhelming a little more manageable.  As Andy Williams sings in his song The Impossible Dream (The Quest), “To dream the impossible dream; to fight the unbeatable foe … to reach the unreachable star … this is my quest, to follow that star; no matter how hopeless, no matter how far …” Keep these lyrics in mind the next time change throws you for a loop. Dream the impossible dream. Reach for the unreachable star. Set a goal and do everything you can to achieve it. Maybe, just maybe you’ll have the same success as my dad.

The author (center) with her dad and mom at their 50th wedding anniversary celebration.

 

WORDS OF WISDOM ABOUT CHANGE

Over the past two weeks, I’ve attended several high school graduation-related events and a college new student orientation. One thing all of these events have had in common has been motivational stories about one’s new beginning and facing the future. What every speaker or presenter was doing was trying to prepare these young adults for the latest change in their lives. Since this blog focuses on change and dealing with it, I want to take time this week to share with you some of the ‘words of wisdom’ that were shared with the latest group of high school graduates because these gems will also be useful to you as you deal with change, especially letting go of what is for something that will be; for that new beginning.

PERSISTENCE: Persistence or determination, tenacity, and perseverance found its way into several of the presentations I attended.   This is an important concept when dealing with change because when we get overwhelmed by what is happening or paralyzed by being forced out of our comfort zone, it is easy for us to just give in or give up. But giving in or giving up in not an option when change is upon us. Some of the gems I heard included:

Fall seven times, stand up eight. Japanese Proverb

Persistence and resilience only come from having been given the chance to work through difficult problems.  Gever Tulley

Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragement, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak. Thomas Carlyle

RELATIONSHIPS: Relationships focus on friendships and having people with whom we can interact in our lives. Since chaos, turmoil, and disruption can enter our lives with change, what better time to have a ‘touchstone’ in our lives – someone to share what we’re going through. This concept did find its way into several events and the thoughts that struck me most were:

Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life. Pythagoras

Good friends help you find important things when you have lost them. Your smile, your hope, and your courage. Doe Zantamata 

A friend is someone who believes in you, when you have ceased to believe in yourself.  Unkown

NEW BEGINNINGS: A new beginning follows the ending of something. New beginnings provide us a new adventure, a fresh start, new hope. New beginnings are what allow us to move forward after change happens. Whether the change was wanted or planned (like a high school graduation) or happens unexpectedly, a new beginning provides us a fresh start; a time of unlimited opportunity.  As you can imagine, new beginnings is a popular theme at graduation events. Some of my favorite quotes were:

Look with favor upon a bold beginning. Virgil 

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. Seneca 

Each ending presents a new beginning. The future holds new adventures to experience, new mountains to climb.  Unknown

OVERCOMING OBSTACLES: Another popular theme with graduation speakers is that of overcoming obstacles. This theme focuses on one’s ability to change course and direction to get around obstacles placed in the way of one’s life journey.   When in the midst of change, life can feel like a roller coaster – full of ups and downs. Those ups and downs offer us opportunities and chances to determine what is important and what direction we really want to take in the changed environment. Some points of wisdom that I heard include:

Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind. Leonardo da Vinci 

I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. Booker T. Washington 

The greater the difficulty, the more the glory in surmounting it. Epicurus 

In the beginning, we see them as wrong turns and hopeless situations. But when we face and accept them without being defeated, they become life’s most powerful learning curves. Dodinsky 

TAKING RISKS. Taking risks involves doing something that helps achieve a desired solution but in which there is a lack of certainty about the outcome and/or a fear of failure. When change alters the course of one’s journey and a new route must be tried, there is a certain amount of risk involved when traveling down the unknown route. However, some say a turtle only advances by sticking its neck out. So it is with us. We must ‘stick our neck out;’ we must take some risks to make the necessary adjustments in the altered environment; we must ‘stick out our neck’ to move forward. While we may be able to guide where we want to go or what we want to do in the changed environment, we aren’t able to control the outcome. All we can do is plan what we want. In planning what we want, we make decisions. And in making those decisions, we take a certain amount of risk.  Quotes commonly heard included:

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Nothing ventured; nothing gained. Benjamin Franklin 

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. Andre Gide 

You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt 

MISTAKES: A mistake is an error or something that is incorrect. When change is upon us, we often have to make decisions about the “new environment” or the direction we need to take to effectively deal with the change. Depending on the situation, our state-of-mind, and the information available when we are making these decisions, it is not uncommon to see lots and lots of mistakes being made. And, if our role in the changed situation has us performing unfamiliar tasks, look out! Mistakes are bound to happen.  Mistakes are actually good for us. They do show us things that need a closer look; that need more attention. Instead of feeling as if they are something ‘bad,’ as failures, or as more obstacles in the changed environment, we need to instead view them as opportunities for growth and learning. A few of my favorite thoughts were:

If you want to succeed, double your failure rate. Thomas Watson 

When you make a mistake, don’t look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. Hugh White 

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill

DREAMS AND GOALS: This topic was the most popular with graduation speakers. Rightly so as dream and goals are things one aspires to in the future. Not surprising that these items are frequently found in graduation and orientation presentations. Let’s think about how these relate to change. With change, something becomes different. We are moved out of the comfort zone. Both our personal and professional lives can become unsettled. Dreams are a way of helping us deal with the unsettled nature of things. If we dream about something happening and really desire that to happen, we might work hard to make that dream come true. Dreams give us possibilities. Goals are our plans for the future. Goals are what we are trying to achieve. When we set goals, we determine what result we want and then we put forth effort to achieve that result. Quotes related to this area that I liked include:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.   Goethe 

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Life the life you’ve imagined. Thoreau 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Go out there and live your dreams!   Unknown

Nothing happens unless first a dream. Carl Sandburg 

Believe in yourself; follow your dreams; live life to the fullest and enjoy the journey. Unknown

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. Unknown

If you can dream it, you can do it. Walt Disney 

It’s a brand-new chapter in your life. Take the time to enjoy your success, but remember that life stretches before you with a variety of paths to follow and many decisions to make. The time has now come to set new goals and to reach for new heights. A world of opportunities awaits.  Unknown

What I found interesting, as I sat to categorize the “words of wisdom” that I heard, was how closely they paralleled the strategies in my book Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows: Strategies to Stay and Positive Amid Change and how often I wrote about the concepts or even used some of the quotes in my blog posts. I guess the proverb “you can never have enough of a good thing” is true! I sure hope that you were able to gather some good thoughts from these words of wisdom, thoughts that will be of help when you are dealing with change.  So, to all the high school graduates dealing with the latest change in their lives and to anyone for whom life has brought change, reflect on these words of wisdom, trust and believe in yourself, and use the power within to guide you on your journey!