UNSTOPPABLE

UNSTOPPABLE – incapable of being stopped – is a word used to describe James Conner.  Conner writes the following in his July 25, 2016 Nothing is Guaranteed article for The Players’ Tribune, “…As a running back for the University of Pittsburgh during the 2013 and ’14 seasons (plus one game in ’15), I had scored 36 touchdowns and rushed for 2,641 yards. But, in all honesty, I was probably better known for running people over — either that or for stiff-arming would-be tacklers to the ground. Trying to bring me down was like trying to tackle a linebacker, and when I was locked in, no one was going to tackle me.  No one.  If I saw a defender in my way, I was lowering my shoulder, and it was not gonna be fun for the other guy. Sometimes I would just look at defenders like, Come on … you literally have no chance of tackling me.  I felt like nothing or no one could stop me at that point. On the field.  In my element.”

In December 2015, Conner announced that he had been diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma (a life-threatening blood cancer).  His Nothing is Guaranteed article in The Players’ Tribune chronicles his thoughts and feelings from the diagnosis through the prognosis.  Midway through treatments he shared, “…I’m happy to say that the lifeless feeling I experienced at the midway point in my treatments passed after a few days, and that I rallied from there — I watched a bunch of my old highlight videos, and I realized that I could be an inspiration to others, and I just … got past it. But it wasn’t easy.  Nothing about this process was easy.”   Today, Conner is cancer-free and plays professional football for the Pittsburgh Steelers.

 Some of us may be able to relate to Conner’s story – successfully moving along our life journey only to encounter a major obstacle.  The obstacle could be an illness or the sudden loss of a job or the loss of a loved one or anything that throws us for a loop and derails our journey.  However, not all of us are able to get back on track and continue on our life journey with the same enthusiasm, passion, drive, and determination as Conner.

 

 

What is about him that makes him unstoppable, whether on the football field or, “…sitting in that green leather hospital chair, waiting for the nurse to mix up the chemo batch, and thinking, I do not want to be here right now.”?  (Nothing is Guaranteed in The Players’ Tribune)   This week, using James Conner as the inspiration, let’s explore what it takes for us to become UNSTOPPABLE.

CONFIDENCE.  That belief in ourselves and our abilities.  That belief that we can ‘ride the storm’ and overcome anything. That belief that even if the odds are stacked against us, we will prevail and succeed.

RESILIENCE.  Failure is not an option is our motto.  We bounce back despite any setbacks.   And we are resilient because we have a positive outlook which influences our actions.

PERSISTENCE and DETERMINATION.  We are unrelenting.  We keep on going no matter what.  We do not let adversity, fear, or our own self-doubts stop us.

A GOAL.  Committing to reaching a goal keeps us going, keeps us focused, keeps us moving forward.  Goals give us purpose and that purpose often provides the passion which fuels our unstoppable drive.

NO BAGGAGE.  To be unstoppable, we must LET GO of anything that slows us down. This is especially true of emotional baggage.  Let go of what ifs, resentments, blame.  Tossing the baggage lightens the load and gives us energy for the journey.

KNOWLEDGE.  We understand what we are dealing with or are up against.  We research to become informed.  We work from a foundation of information and fact.

HOPE and FAITH.   Hope lets us know that no matter how bad things seem at the moment, no matter how dark, there will be something better and brighter around the corner.  Faith maintains the feeling that things will work out even though we are not certain of the outcome.

STRONG SUPPORT SYSTEM.  Surrounding ourselves with friends and family members who provide encouragement, strength, inspiration, and motivation propels us over rough moments.  Professional resources  (like the medical team that worked with James Conner) can provide the expertise needed for specialized situations.

We all have it within ourselves to be UNSTOPPABLE.  We just need to do whatever it takes for as long as it takes to get us where we want to go or to reach our goal.  When we are unstoppable, any obstacle we encounter is viewed as something temporary.  Being unstoppable means working through the rough patches and never letting them stop us from being who we want to be and where we want to go.  Let’s all channel our inner ‘James Conner’ and become unstoppable the next time our life journey hits a rough patch!

WELCOMING CHANGE WITH OPEN ARMS

This summer I have had the opportunity to connect with friends and family who, because of distance, I don’t get to see as often as I would like.  In each instance, we greeted each other with arms wide open, ready for a hug.  I got to thinking about these exchanges and wondered how neat it would be if we could welcome change in the same way, warmly and with open arms.

Since most of us are usually not pleased about the arrival of change, why would we even consider welcoming it in a warm and friendly way?  Let’s consider for a moment what it would be like if we viewed change (and welcomed it) like a friend rather than an enemy.

We accept our friends as they are – all their strengths, weaknesses, and quirks.  We need to the same with change – accept it as it comes. We need to come to terms with change just as we do with our friends.  The quirks and weaknesses of friends can sometimes be maddening but we don’t give up on our friends because of them.  We work with our friends to overcome obstacles and roadblocks.  Ditto for dealing with change.

Friends provide reality checks (where we are reminded about the state of things in the real world) for us.  They can be brutally honest. They see things about us we don’t always see in ourselves.  Change, by its nature, forces us to do a reality check.  What now surrounds us in the new environment (physical and emotional) and how are we going to deal with it all?

Our friends help us examine our ideas and opinions about many things. They challenge us to look beyond the surface and really delve into things.  Change does the same things.  Change forces us to examine the situation and make decisions about the direction we will take.  It often challenges us to be creative and resourceful in the new environment.

With friends, we may take risks to do activities outside of our comfort zone.  Change often forces us outside our comfort zone where more often than not, we thrive and grow (just as we do with our circle of friends).

Learning opportunities come about with friends and with change.  Directly or indirectly, our friends teach us a lot whether it is a new skill (I have had friends teach me to drive a standard car, ski, master the art of making cheesecakes, and knit) or something about ourselves we didn’t realize (like how our approach to things affects others).  Learning opportunities abound with change!  Friends inspire as does change – inspire us to hang in there, go above and beyond, and persist no matter what.

Friends help bring perspective to issues with which we are dealing. They may ask the questions that help us see all sides of an issue.  They help us keep things in context and help us look at things and understand them within the bigger picture.  Similarly, change comes with built in opportunities to develop perspective on the issue or situation.  Once we get past feeling overwhelmed, we can concentrate on the whole and not just the part of the situation.

It is not unusual to share hopes, dreams, and goals with our friends.  In turn, those friends help us act on our hopes and dreams and work toward our goals.  Sometimes our dearest friends force us to keep working to reach our goals. They help us define and refine our priorities. Change has a way of forcing our hand with our goals and our priorities.  Some changes make us rethink what we want, where we are headed, and how we are going to get there.  Some changes make us take a new path in order to reach our goals.  Other changes may put us on a fast track to achieve our goals.  All change forces us to act in some way upon our hopes, dreams, and goals.

The next time change is thrust upon us, we need to try welcoming it as we do our friends.  Welcome it with open arms.  Greet it in a warm and friendly way.  While we may be annoyed that change has even visited us (just how we might get annoyed when friends drop by unannounced), we need to rebound quickly and engage ourselves in dealing with what we are facing.  As Dutch Clergyman Henri Nouwen reminds us, “Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let’s not be afraid to receive each day’s surprise whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy.  It will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.”  Let’s welcome both friends and change with open arms!

WORDS OF WISDOM ABOUT CHANGE

Over the past two weeks, I’ve attended several high school graduation-related events and a college new student orientation. One thing all of these events have had in common has been motivational stories about one’s new beginning and facing the future. What every speaker or presenter was doing was trying to prepare these young adults for the latest change in their lives. Since this blog focuses on change and dealing with it, I want to take time this week to share with you some of the ‘words of wisdom’ that were shared with the latest group of high school graduates because these gems will also be useful to you as you deal with change, especially letting go of what is for something that will be; for that new beginning.

PERSISTENCE: Persistence or determination, tenacity, and perseverance found its way into several of the presentations I attended.   This is an important concept when dealing with change because when we get overwhelmed by what is happening or paralyzed by being forced out of our comfort zone, it is easy for us to just give in or give up. But giving in or giving up in not an option when change is upon us. Some of the gems I heard included:

Fall seven times, stand up eight. Japanese Proverb

Persistence and resilience only come from having been given the chance to work through difficult problems.  Gever Tulley

Permanence, perseverance and persistence in spite of all obstacles, discouragement, and impossibilities: It is this, that in all things distinguishes the strong soul from the weak. Thomas Carlyle

RELATIONSHIPS: Relationships focus on friendships and having people with whom we can interact in our lives. Since chaos, turmoil, and disruption can enter our lives with change, what better time to have a ‘touchstone’ in our lives – someone to share what we’re going through. This concept did find its way into several events and the thoughts that struck me most were:

Friends are as companions on a journey, who ought to aid each other to persevere in the road to a happier life. Pythagoras

Good friends help you find important things when you have lost them. Your smile, your hope, and your courage. Doe Zantamata 

A friend is someone who believes in you, when you have ceased to believe in yourself.  Unkown

NEW BEGINNINGS: A new beginning follows the ending of something. New beginnings provide us a new adventure, a fresh start, new hope. New beginnings are what allow us to move forward after change happens. Whether the change was wanted or planned (like a high school graduation) or happens unexpectedly, a new beginning provides us a fresh start; a time of unlimited opportunity.  As you can imagine, new beginnings is a popular theme at graduation events. Some of my favorite quotes were:

Look with favor upon a bold beginning. Virgil 

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end. Seneca 

Each ending presents a new beginning. The future holds new adventures to experience, new mountains to climb.  Unknown

OVERCOMING OBSTACLES: Another popular theme with graduation speakers is that of overcoming obstacles. This theme focuses on one’s ability to change course and direction to get around obstacles placed in the way of one’s life journey.   When in the midst of change, life can feel like a roller coaster – full of ups and downs. Those ups and downs offer us opportunities and chances to determine what is important and what direction we really want to take in the changed environment. Some points of wisdom that I heard include:

Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind. Leonardo da Vinci 

I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed. Booker T. Washington 

The greater the difficulty, the more the glory in surmounting it. Epicurus 

In the beginning, we see them as wrong turns and hopeless situations. But when we face and accept them without being defeated, they become life’s most powerful learning curves. Dodinsky 

TAKING RISKS. Taking risks involves doing something that helps achieve a desired solution but in which there is a lack of certainty about the outcome and/or a fear of failure. When change alters the course of one’s journey and a new route must be tried, there is a certain amount of risk involved when traveling down the unknown route. However, some say a turtle only advances by sticking its neck out. So it is with us. We must ‘stick our neck out;’ we must take some risks to make the necessary adjustments in the altered environment; we must ‘stick out our neck’ to move forward. While we may be able to guide where we want to go or what we want to do in the changed environment, we aren’t able to control the outcome. All we can do is plan what we want. In planning what we want, we make decisions. And in making those decisions, we take a certain amount of risk.  Quotes commonly heard included:

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Nothing ventured; nothing gained. Benjamin Franklin 

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. Andre Gide 

You must do the thing you think you cannot do. Eleanor Roosevelt 

MISTAKES: A mistake is an error or something that is incorrect. When change is upon us, we often have to make decisions about the “new environment” or the direction we need to take to effectively deal with the change. Depending on the situation, our state-of-mind, and the information available when we are making these decisions, it is not uncommon to see lots and lots of mistakes being made. And, if our role in the changed situation has us performing unfamiliar tasks, look out! Mistakes are bound to happen.  Mistakes are actually good for us. They do show us things that need a closer look; that need more attention. Instead of feeling as if they are something ‘bad,’ as failures, or as more obstacles in the changed environment, we need to instead view them as opportunities for growth and learning. A few of my favorite thoughts were:

If you want to succeed, double your failure rate. Thomas Watson 

When you make a mistake, don’t look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power. Hugh White 

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. Winston Churchill

DREAMS AND GOALS: This topic was the most popular with graduation speakers. Rightly so as dream and goals are things one aspires to in the future. Not surprising that these items are frequently found in graduation and orientation presentations. Let’s think about how these relate to change. With change, something becomes different. We are moved out of the comfort zone. Both our personal and professional lives can become unsettled. Dreams are a way of helping us deal with the unsettled nature of things. If we dream about something happening and really desire that to happen, we might work hard to make that dream come true. Dreams give us possibilities. Goals are our plans for the future. Goals are what we are trying to achieve. When we set goals, we determine what result we want and then we put forth effort to achieve that result. Quotes related to this area that I liked include:

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.   Goethe 

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Life the life you’ve imagined. Thoreau 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Go out there and live your dreams!   Unknown

Nothing happens unless first a dream. Carl Sandburg 

Believe in yourself; follow your dreams; live life to the fullest and enjoy the journey. Unknown

To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe. Unknown

If you can dream it, you can do it. Walt Disney 

It’s a brand-new chapter in your life. Take the time to enjoy your success, but remember that life stretches before you with a variety of paths to follow and many decisions to make. The time has now come to set new goals and to reach for new heights. A world of opportunities awaits.  Unknown

What I found interesting, as I sat to categorize the “words of wisdom” that I heard, was how closely they paralleled the strategies in my book Facing the Sunshine and Avoiding the Shadows: Strategies to Stay and Positive Amid Change and how often I wrote about the concepts or even used some of the quotes in my blog posts. I guess the proverb “you can never have enough of a good thing” is true! I sure hope that you were able to gather some good thoughts from these words of wisdom, thoughts that will be of help when you are dealing with change.  So, to all the high school graduates dealing with the latest change in their lives and to anyone for whom life has brought change, reflect on these words of wisdom, trust and believe in yourself, and use the power within to guide you on your journey!

TURNING THE OBSTACLES AND ROADBLOCKS OF CHANGE INTO OPPORTUNITIES FOR GROWTH

Two weeks ago, we explored how a can-do attitude, that mindset that WE CAN DO IT, is a key to successfully dealing with change. With a can-do attitude, we are better positioned to overcome obstacles and problems that get in the way of successfully managing change.

This week, we are going to spend some time talking about overcoming obstacles or negotiating the roadblocks on our journey of change and transition. Negotiating roadblocks is a strategy that focuses on the ability to change course and direction when change and transition place obstacles in the way of life’s journey.   Marsha Sinetar has said, “Life’s ups and downs provide windows of opportunities to determine your values and goals – Think of using all obstacles as stepping stones to build the life you want.”

Why is dealing with roadblocks important when dealing with change? When in the midst of change or transitions, life is like a roller coaster ride; it is full of ups and downs, but as Sinetar says, these ups and downs offer us opportunities, chances to determine what is important and what direction we really want to take. That move out of our comfort zone forces us to re-evaluate ourselves, to search for pockets of strength we didn’t even know we had, and to move onward and upward to where we want to be. All roadblocks and obstacles present unique challenges to us, but within those challenges are wonderful opportunities to further develop our skills, experiences, knowledge, networks, relationships, and ourselves in general.

I would like to highlight this with another example from my personal life. When I was president-elect of the College Reading and Learning Association (CRLA), I had the privilege of planning the 1992 annual conference which happened to be the association’s 25^th annual conference. My conference theme was “Celebrating the Diversity in Teaching and Learning” and because it was a milestone anniversary conference, I wanted a memorable keynote speaker. I was most fortunate to get Alex Haley (probably most remembered as the author of Roots).

I was working in Salem, Oregon at the time I was planning the conference. One of the phone calls I received on February 10, 1992 was from a Seattle, Washington colleague asking how I was doing. I responded that I was busy, but fine. The person sounded incredulous and asked how I could be fine (and sound so calm) at a time like this. I had no clue about what my colleague was talking so asked what was going on. My colleague, another CRLA member, had called to talk to me about breaking news: it had just been announced that Alex Haley had died and what I was going to do about the conference.

My conference was scheduled to begin on April 9 and Haley passed away on February 10. Talk about change happening unexpectedly. Indeed it had. Talk about a roadblock being placed in one’s path. I had one BIG TIME! After hanging up the phone, I sat in stunned silence for a few moments. After my brief period of mourning both the loss of a great writer as well as the loss of my keynote speaker, I shifted my mindset to viewing this as an opportunity and went about retooling the conference and arranging for another keynote speaker. I must admit that I derived some inspiration for my retooling efforts from the book The Wizard of Oz.

The characters from the Wizard of Oz are my favorite example of those who refused to let roadblocks keep them from their goal. No matter what was put in their way of reaching Oz or their goal of returning home, they rose to the challenge (often using their creativity) and overcame the roadblock. They truly used all obstacles as stepping stones to get to what they wanted.

How does one develop the skill of negotiating roadblocks, of viewing obstacles as stepping stones and successfully using them to reach goals?

1.  Identify what is standing in the way of reaching the goal. Is it emotional based (fear, anger, doubt, worry, sadness)? Is it something physical (distance, lack of a resource)? Is it health related (physical ailment, weight issue, lack of exercise)? Is it our mindset (resistance to the change, negativity, my way is the only way)?

2.  Determine the best approach of overcoming the obstacle. Does the issue require just taking a step back, slowing down a bit, and cooling off? Feel hampered as if in a straitjacket where the connections must be determined before the bounds can be loosened or severed? Is the challenge more of a hurdle (something that is standing in the way) for which you need to gain momentum so the hurdle can be jumped?   Has something impassable, like a boulder, been dropped on the path where a whole new route must be found? Is it just the “yellow light” flashing indicating to us the need to slow down and use caution? Does it feel like the wall has been hit? As Michael Jordan says, “Obstacles don’t have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don’t turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.”

3.  “Blast” the roadblock into manageable pieces. Break down into smaller, more manageable ways/steps the approach to overcoming the roadblock. Taking small, baby steps will help prevent one from becoming overwhelmed by the roadblock.

4.  Be persistent. Keep on going no matter what. (See the April 28, 2014 post ‘Persisting Through the Waves of Change for suggestions on how to become more persistent.)

5.  Take an emotional “time out.” When roadblocks are placed in our path, it is common to get flustered and react in an emotional way. This type of reaction isn’t usually productive. It may be cathartic, but it isn’t going to remove the roadblock. When facing the roadblock, we must begin to look at it with our logic and reason lenses. This will help identify the relevance of the roadblock and the means by which to overcome it.

6.  Take a view from a different perspective. View the roadblock from someone else’s perspective (spouse, child, co-worker, boss, friend, sibling, parent). Try to see it inside out and upside down: is it truly what we think or have we misunderstand the situation? Am I clearly seeing the picture or are there clouds or fog in the way? Have others dealt with the same obstacle? How did they overcome it? Have I made assumption about the issue? Do these assumptions help to remove the roadblock or do they make it worse?

                 

 

7.  Think irreverently, divergently, creatively. Go beyond conventional wisdom. (Refer to the past posts on thinking differently for ideas on how to develop that skill.)

8.  Talk through the situation. Talking to others will help put or keep things in perspective. Other people may have similar experiences and may be able to share how they dealt with the roadblock. Seek expert help when the obstacle seems insurmountable and the desire to give up is strong.

9.  Be action oriented. Change overwhelms us. The roadblocks within the change can stop us in our track; paralyze us. This is the time to take a deep breath and step into action. Focus on the following: Just what is the roadblock? The circumstance? Can I handle it; control it? What parts can’t I control? How do I gain the upper hand with this? How can I influence this circumstance? What resources do I need?

10. Think like a winner. Believing roadblocks can be overcome is half the battle. Have confidence. Steer clear from doubts because they will only immobilize any effort. Self-doubts also turn attention away from solutions and keep the attention on the problem. The calmer one can be, the clearer the mind and the better one is able to think divergently and creatively about the issue(s). Winners don’t quit; they rise above to meet the challenge head on.

Someone once said, “If the boulders are moved, even a river will change its course.” Change and transition often require us to change our course. Don’t fear doing so. Instead, look at the roadblock, the obstacle as a challenge, that with our can-do attitude, becomes an opportunity to develop our skills, experience, knowledge, networking, and/or relationships and in doing so, helps us move beyond the obstacle, the roadblock.